6-7-08 Post

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Haven't really done much today honestly. Ran a few errands, paid a few bills, boxed up some stuff...but other than that, just sat and watched an "Ax Men" marathon on the History Channel and went for a few walks to clear my head a bit (it didn't really work...but it was still a gorgeous stroll through the neighborhood). What's on my mind? You know it. Vegas. Oh well. Still a good excuse to clean up the crib a little bit. You know, go through my extensive book collection & separate out the ones that I can pass along to others, go through my wardrobe and get rid of old clothes that are too small (because I've had them since junior high) and set them aside as packing material or donate to charity, just take an inventory of stuff that I've accumulated over the years...and just decide what to do with it now. I even took a nap because I woke up a little early. It's a nice stroll down Memory Lane at least. Looked through some old yearbooks, photo albums, and decided to finally throw away a LOT of school stuff that I had amassed over the last decade or so. Why did I keep it? Good question. Probably laziness...or thinking that it might come in handy later. As for the rest of the day, really don't have any plans...but I'm sure that I'll make some calls and see what there is to do. In the meantime, here's some news...

The Agony of Defeat - Legendary sportscaster Jim McKay died today of natural causes at the age of 86. For more than forty years, he was one of the quintessential voices of narrated athletic activity...and the voice of "The Wide World of Sports" as well as the man who broke the tragedy of the 1972 Munich Olympics. Born James McManus, this WWII veteran went from newspaper to television and covered a dozen Olympics, ending with Slick City in 2002. He will be missed.

Wonder Woman Finds a Body - The gracefully-aged Lynda Carter, actress who played Wonder Woman in the 70's TV series, was out cruising the Potomac alone in her boat Wednesday when she saw a body floating in the water. She says she didn't have a cell phone with her, so she yelled to some fishermen and asked them to call police. Carter waited until rescuers arrived and directed them to the body. DC Police (District of Columbia, not DC Comics, I checked) say that the body was identified as 47-year old Helen Johnstone and they have yet to find a cause of death. Ms. Carter says she "did what anybody would have done (only sexier)." Okay, so I added the last part...but I think this mystery calls for...the Justice League. The only thing is...imagine being the fishermen on the other boat...when you see Wonder Woman floating around in the Invisible Boat...saying "Please call the police, good citizens." "Dude, we should stop drinking before noon." Best part about this story...is that I can post this picture in some kind of context. Yay!!!

Fly Derrie-Air - Readers of The Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News (GO EAGLES!!!) opened their papers Friday to see ads for a new airline called Derrie-Air, which purportedly charges passengers by the pound...but this new carrier will never get off the ground. It's a one-day advertising campaign about a fake airline by Philadelphia Media Holdings, the papers' owner, and Gyro ad agency. Spokesman Jay Devine said the goal is to "demonstrate the power of our brands in generating awareness and generating traffic for our advertisers, and put a smile on people's faces." Visitors to the airline site learn that Derrie-Air is the world's only carbon-neutral luxury airline, and it justifies its fare policy by saying that it takes more fuel to move heavier objects. The carrier pledges to plant trees to offset every pound of carbon its planes release into the atmosphere. Derrie-Air's sample rates range from $1.40 per pound to fly from Philadelphia to Chicago to $2.25 per pound to fly from Philadelphia to Los Angeles. It even has a BS backstory of owner Dick Derrie growing up in Salamander, Missouri (a city so small it won't show up on any map). Only at the bottom did it mention that this airline was "fictitious" and says it is designed "to test the results of advertising in our print and online products and to stimulate discussion on a timely environmental topic of interest to all citizens. In other words, smile, we're pulling your leg." That's not my leg...but it's okay, I charge by the pound too. Brought back memories of me & the Wingman in school...making up BS companies and making websites & products. I love marketing.

Superhottie Ivanovic Wins the French Open - Now, you know that if I'm mentioning women's tennis on my blog...that means somebody really hot won something really important, wore something really sexy, or gave me her number. Well, the last one has still yet to happen...and tennis outfits can only be so sexy with current regulations (like players MUST wear undergarments) and physics (restriction of fun pillows to allow freedom of motion in the arms). Serbian superhottie Ana Ivanovic, the new hottest girl in women's tennis (now that Martina Hingis has officially retired) won the French Open final over Darina Safina...and will probably be named the number one female tennis player in the world...finally. "I feel so happy. I have no words to describe that. Winning a Grand Slam is something I dreamed since I was a little kid, so achieving that goal is very thrilling." After winning, she blew kisses to the crowd and used a chair to climb into the stands to hug family & friends. "I tried to call them to help me to come up, but they were hugging each other," Ivanovic said with a laugh. "I was like, 'Hey, what about me?'" and $teve missed his chance for a congratulatory grope...and to help a damsel in need of assistance. If I were about 10,000 miles closer...oh well, I dropped the ball. Maybe next time. Congratulations, Ms. Ivanovic. It is Miss, right?

Here was my chance...

I could have been one of those creepy old guys

Oh, you tease...

Changing for the press conference

"Can we please wrap this up? I have to meet this $teve guy."

"OH MY!!! Ana, what are you doing?"

"Oh, I see. That is a nice dress. Mmm, very nice."

Have a great night everybody!!!

Club Wet Gets a Worthy Plug

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday, I was feeling especially lazy when my mom gave me the idea of heading down to hang with her...and before she got off work, I would hang with my brother for a few hours. Cool beans. So I drove down there. Shorty after arriving there, I get a text from my sister-in-law asking if I was going to see some boobs with them. "I sure hope so...but Vinny's the one who usually gets the action when I'm around." (It's a bad breastfeeding joke)

Apparently, it was Dollar Draft Night at the best gentlemen's club in Utah (which is kind of like saying the best burger joint in India) called Club Wet in West Haven. Formerly the Play Pen, I had never heard of this place before my brother's bachelor party over a year ago...and it was awesome...and in the middle of redneck country. So instead of hanging out with my mom and not-my-kids last night, I went to see mostly naked, beautiful women dance seductively for dollars...and get frosty beverages for similar dollars...for about four hours...and all for less than forty bucks, even helping out my brother & sister-in-law with tips (because they're always broke). Kudos to Phoenix, Cali, April, and Mary Jane for their incredible show. Oh...and they have pool tables too...and a great sound system. If you're ever in the area, check it out...even if it's not really your thing...because they have a pool table...and dollar beers on Thursday nights.

I don't know if I may be getting immune to the allure of gentlemen's clubs...but though I had a great time hanging with my brother & his wife...and the scenery was excellent & exhilarating all at the same time. My mind was elsewhere a little bit. Sure my eyes rarely left the stage...but ever girating gesture, flexible position, and sexually explicit stare just made me think about Vegas (and the other thoughts that jump in a man's head when he sees such activities). I know, big surprise (sarcastically). Needless to say, they still haven't called...and seeing as it's around midnight on a Friday...I'm guessing that it'll be at least Monday before I hear anything (unless they do another Sunday afternoon surprise).

After the club, I drove back (I was the Designated Driver...and you should always have one...and probably me) and my sister-in-law Ashley was already not feeling good...long story short, she had a rough morning at school...but she's doing much better now. My brother & I starting watched "Aliens" and just as I was getting ready to sleep on his horribly uncomfortable sofabed, I get a wonderful call from Bubbles...saying that San Diego is beautiful and boring...and how she wishes that I was there with her to entertain her...and help her through her migraines. We talked for about ten minutes as I put her at some ease...and said good night. Apparently, she text me back an hour later saying that just talking to me made her feel better. See? Sometimes all you have to do is listen...and you can make somebody's day. Anyway, I found that out this morning...because I passed out right after hanging up with her despite watching "Aliens" just before it got to the good part.

This morning, I awoke at 7:30 because some jerkass decided to mow outside my brother's window...but then fell back asleep as I plotted how to make it look like an accident...and really woke up around 11 AM. Basically, the kids were brought back from grandma's (my mom's) and we hung out watching movies and playing. Then in the evening, they invited some friends over like Bartles & Jaymes and a few of Ashley's coworkers...and we had a little barbecue. Good eats. Here are some new pictures of Vinny & Kairi...

Vinny always looks excited...

Kairi is a great big sister

Well, have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow...but if I were a real jetsetter, I'd be in San Diego hanging out with Bubbles and making her have fun...but she'll have to wait until next time when we take a weekend trip out there once I move to Vegas. Yup, still confident about the job. JL Clyde invited me to hang out at Pride with her this Sunday (yes, as in the Gay Pride Parade) and at first, I was reluctant...mostly for the reason that I'm not gay...but that's like saying that you don't go to a St. Patrick's Day Parade because you're not Irish. In the end, she may have convinced me by mentioning the pleasure of her company, a beer garden, free stuff, snow cones, music, people watching, more free stuff, protestors (that I can mess with), and gay men bringing their straight (probably bisexual) and horny female friends. She drives a good argument...and knows what I like. So we shall see. In the meantime, have a great weekend everybody!!! Happy 19th Birthday to Micah Rose!!!

Happy Birthday Camb

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Still raining like mad here in Utah...and I love it. That's obviously going to be the biggest adjustment for me when I move to Vegas...is the Seasons. Here in Utah, we have the standard seasons - Summer, Fall, Winter, and the 3rd week of May. Whereas I'm told in Vegas, it sounds more like the settings on an oven with Simmer, Bake, Broil, and Clean...which I guess is the peak season. I should be able to adjust though.

Last night, I watched "Meet the Spartans" starring Carmen Electra, Diedrich Bader, and Kevin Sorbo (remember Hercules?). Have no idea who the lead guy playing Leonidas was apparently his name is Sean Maguire. Basically, the movie was a parody of the movie "300" (pulled a close 2nd in Best Movie of 2007 in my eyes) but it really wasn't that funny. I mean...if you've seen all these "Epic Movie", "Date Movie", "Superhero Movie" or are anticipating the upcoming "Disaster Movie" then you've seen this one...just with more of the same...with painted-on abs. I almost feel bad for watching it honestly...because I know that it humors them to make more. I keep hoping that they're as good as the Scary Movie 1-3 were...but instead their usually Scary Movie 4 or much much worse. Oh well, if you like cheap laughs (and I usually do) then you may wanna check it out.

Happy birthday to Camb...who also shares a birthday with Marky Mark (37) and Ron Livingston of "Office Space" (41). I know she loves Office Space, so that's why I threw him in there. Not sure about Marky Mark...but I know that I'm a little excited to see "The Happening" starring him, Zooey Deschanel (so I know BSUWG is gonna watch it), and John Leguizamo...and directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Now, does anybody else think that it's weird that they're advertising this in the creepy horror announcer's voice as "his first R-Rated film" like it's the main selling feature? I mean...statistics show that horror movies do sell better when they're R-rated (hence why 99.9% of them are) but did they ever think that maybe the reason he still has a job (besides "Sixth Sense" being so good five movies ago) was maybe his PG-13 horror was accessible to high school kids? I'm sure it's R-rated because...basically it looks really really intense with people falling from the sky and just (snap fingers) gone like that...but it just seems the advertising is a little weird for it. Maybe they're just doing it that way to avoid problems at the ticket counter. "Sorry, we can't take your $10 for a ticket because you're 16 and this movie is rated R." Not going to happen. I had that problem ONCE...and it was going to see "The Crow" when I was 13 and my brother was ten (yet still looked 15) and the old guy at the box office asked for driver's licenses. We laughed at him...and spent the next few hours rotting our brains at the arcade playing Mortal Kombat 2 and ripping people's heads off instead. Nice move, old dude.

Dream Last Night - Okay, so it starts out that I'm walking around my mom's house (Fortress of Solitude) in the spring or summer time...and just admiring the scenery. Then there's helicopters...maybe three of them hovering overhead. They land next to me and are much smaller than I expected...and shrinking a little it seems. I walk up...and there are no pilots...and still shrinking. The propeller stops on one of them...and I basically fold the propellers like a toy and carry the helicopter, now about a foot long or so. I start taking it towards the house...and some dude with a moustache asks me what I'm doing. I see that he has a remote for it...so I say "Hey, I was looking for ya. I found your chopper. Pretty cool, man." Then the dream switches to me driving in the mountains with some real estate guy...and stopping to check out a nice house on the market for $110,000. The price is amazing since its a gorgeous house with huge windows facing the valley...but I immediately found why the price was so good...because the foundation under the living room facing the valley...has been lost in a landslide...so it's just kind of hanging over the edge. "Not a big problem, you just need to put some land back under it and make sure it's properly supported." "Not a big deal, huh?" "Absolutely, let me show ya."

We walk inside and I'm checking out the view in the living room (I made him walk towards the window first...to make sure it was steady) and we're enjoying the view as he's blabbing about the features. "Three bedroom, 2.5 bath, Jacuzzi tub in the master bath, AAAAH!!!" The whole room leans towards the window a bit as we catch our balance...but then the carpet rips and we're kind of gliding down the hill...like we're on an upside down umbrella...if that really worked. We land fairly gently in a pool of macaroni salad. Yes, I said macaroni salad. I must be from Utah. Needless to say, the house didn't sell that day.

Next I'm at this incredible house with my dad, brother, and Brendan Fraser (family friend?) and we're just chilling. There's a nice entertainment room with a pool table and big screens, vaulted ceilings with the arched passages instead of doors into a large, beautifully-appointed kitchen / dining room area with three-story bay windows overlooking an oceanside cliff...and with a ceiling that...well, basically looked like a stained glass cathedral dome. Very nice. Anyway, they're asking me about the house I checked out...and I tell them about the room falling off as we're just kicking back a few drinks. After a few minutes, Brendan says that he has to go to bake a "Vegetable cake with rich, chocolate frosting" and I say, "Vegetable cake? With rich, chocolate frosting? That seems...odd." "You should try it." "Well, bring it on by when you're done then." (Holy crap! This was my house!) As he leaves, I say "Have a good one, Matt!!!" The door closes and my dad & brother are looking at me. "Did I just call him Matt? I must have had too many if I'm confusing him with Matt Damon or something."

My dad keeps asking me about the room falling off the house and I'm saying something like "You know, my first thought when the room moved...was actually that it was the Big One that they're always talking about. You know, the earthquake they're always talking about on the news?" Just then, the house starts to shake...so I take a step over into one of the arched passages. Not really an incredible quake...just the chandeliers swaying a little. After about fifteen seconds, it stops...and my brother says, "Like that one?" We laugh. I wake up. Weirdest part about the dream...not one lady in the whole thing. Total sausage fest. Probably the first time that has ever happened. So...am I crazy, Doc?

Well, today I'm going to pack up a little more...then probably go hang with my brother for a bit...and end up at my mom's overnight (trying to forget about that whole dream sequence above...but I may get to meet Brendan Fraser out of it...and find a pool of macaroni salad) to hang with the niece & nephew. She's babysitting tonight...and we can carpool because she's got work tomorrow. Really hoping that I hear about the job today (three weeks since last interview). Bubbles is on her plane heading for San Diego. She called me this morning telling me how excited she was and trying to make time pass while she waited. I'm good for that...and was a mild amount of luck for her on the slot machines...but yeah, she eventually lost ten bucks or so. Ah well, better get to packing or something. Have a great day everybody!!!

Wherever God Takes Me

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, I did end up going to see "Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay" with my Wingman, his dad Buck (who was also in town), and his brother...we'll call him Iceman, why not? It was kind of a last minute thing...and they wanted to come along. The Wingman & I thoroughly enjoyed the movie...because we had seen the original and enjoyed its irreverent, racist, marijuana-inspired, risque comedy. I'm not sure that the other two did...but whatever...I didn't pay for 'em. By the way, there were only two other people in the theatre on the only showing of the day. So from that nationwide gross of about $2500 pulled by the movie this weekend...about 1% of that was us. You're welcome. Just trying to do our part. So yeah, if you liked the first Harold & Kumar, you'll like the second one. Basically, two stoners on a plane to Amsterdam are mistaken for terrorists and thrown in Guantanamo Bay...then escape & trek across the country to prove their innocence. There's racist jokes, unicorns, Doogie, a Cyclops, sandwiches, a stirring speech from W, fantasy sequences, a whorehouse ran by Beverly D'Angelo, character development, and of course...more Doogie. Check it out...or if its not your style, don't. By the way, I did get a call near the end of the movie (round midnight) and I sincerely thought that it was Vegas...but it was my mom...which is almost as weird because her bedtime is like eight o'clock. Don't worry, she just lost her cell phone charger and thought she might have left it at my house last week.

This morning, I really didn't do much...except watch "The Best of the Colbert Report" and before I knew it...three hours had passed. Now, you all know that I think Stephen Colbert is hilarious, charismatic, and egocentric...which I like to think that I am...correction, KNOW that I am. What's in the Best of the Colbert Report? His historic first show where he introduced the word "Truthiness" which was later added to Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, the great metaphor-off with Sean Penn, ice cream three-way with Jane Fonda & Gloria Steinem, highlights from his green screen challenge, his best in the 435-part series "Better Know a District", his numerous awards & dedications including the naming of a bridge, eagle, junior league hockey team, airliner, ice cream, and so much more. Truly a great American idol.

Why was I watching it for three hours besides its sheer entertainment value? It was rainy today...and I did go for a few walks in the rain as I love to do (going to really miss rain down in Vegas) but at times it got quite torrential. Really glad that it cooled off though (going to miss that too). Also, today I had a meeting at work where I found out my schedule in the usual two weeks notice...and I was really zoned out for most of it. Sure, Captain Monty kept me entertained with the horrible things coming out of his mouth, Camb was telling me about her wedding plans, JL Clyde was laughing at me for some reason (because I was laughing to myself about turning everything my boss said into some kind of sexual metaphor), and all of that...but I was a little distracted because I was expecting Vegas to call (it just would have been TOO convenient) and I was told that another one of my coworkers died this morning.

Penelope is her name...and she was seriously one of the sweetest ladies you could ever hope to meet. We had known each other for the full ten years that I've worked there (God, it's been too long) and unfortunately, her time just ran out. That's really all that I can say...and it sucks horribly...because she's a sweetheart...but at least she's at peace, I guess. My condolences to her family & all the blog readers out there that knew her...and also called her Pe-Ne-Lope (like Cantelope) just to get a smile out of her.

After the meeting, I went to my dad's to hang out for a few...and was surprised that my nephew Canon was there spending the night. Not sure if I'm mentioned him before...because it has actually been a while since I've seen him...but he's my stepsister's son (she's the same age as me) and he's six years old...and just one of the most energetic, yet well-behaved kids that you could ever hope for. Oh yeah, he's in my Christmas entry with pictures, that's right. We had good times playing with Lincoln Logs, wrasslin', having tickle fights (undefeated champion right here y'all), and just having fun. Sweet kid...and of course, he loves his Uncle $teve...because I'm f**king awesome.

While he & his grandma (my stepmom) went to Mickey D's for dinner, my dad & I watched "Escape From New York" starring Kurt Russell & Isaac Hayes. I hadn't seen this movie in a long, long time...but yeah, it's a classic about a future where New York is basically a hellhole, the President crashes there, and a cycloptic badass named Snake Pliskin (Russell) is sent in to get him back from the powerful underground boss, the Duke (Hayes). Good times. They made a sequel set in LA called...get this, "Escape from L.A." about twenty years later...but yeah, this one's pretty good. Check it out if you like 80's badass movies...and I know a few of you out there do (lookin' at you, Bone Junior...who probably has both on DVD). Anyway, then I came home after Canon went to bed.

Let's see...what's on the schedule for tomorrow...oh yeah, nothing. Still just waiting for Vegas to call & decide that they want me to run their business. Still going to pack up what I want to keep and pawn off the rest (couches, books, PS2, all for cheap if anybody's interested out there). My mom called inviting me to head to her house for the weekend while she's babysitting my niece & nephew...and hell, I just may do that if I don't hear anything...because then they'd never be able to get a cell phone signal to me in the Fortress of Solitude. That'll show 'em. Regardless of what I have planned...or really don't, I'm sure that I'll have fun not working. Have a great day everybody!!! RIP Penelope!!! Oh...and have fun in San Diego, Bubbles!!! You're gonna love it!!! Be sure to check out the pandas...and see if my videos are helping them any. Oh, it looks promising...

Welcome to You're "Doom!"

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I called up my future employer yesterday...and they haven't made a decision yet but remembered my name, apologized for the longer than expected wait, and appreciated my feedback. So basically smoke was blown...and yes, it did tickle a little bit. Hopefully I'll know in the next couple of days...but since I've had nothing better to do, I've been packing a little bit. I'm kind of a pack rat though...so now I have to come up a way to find out what I'm going to need...and hock the rest at a yard sale. A time frame and some information about all of this would be awesome...but I work with what I've got. I have a crap load of engineering, marketing, and other school books...and I know that there's a 99% chance that I'm not going to read them...basically because I rarely did when they were part of the curriculum...so why would I later on? Yet I still can't come to part with them knowing that I spent about $100 a pop. Maybe I can make a sofabed mattress out of them or something. Wait! What's tofu made out of? Isn't it newspaper? Would books work? I don't know. Maybe I should call a bookstore to see if they might gimme a few bucks for gas money or something.

Last night, JL Clyde & I went to have some sushi at Yoshi's Japanese Grill near my house...and it was actually really good. For about $6 you get some great sushi & rolls in a variety of mixes...and there's edamame and all of that kind of stuff too. Not body for a sushi lover on a budget...and surprisingly filling. After that, we watched the first season of "Frisky Dingo" because she had never seen it...and it's hilarious...and of course she liked it. Full of quirky, over-the-top fun...and just really out there at some points. I mean...there's an underground killer bunny prize fighting ring involved...and that's merely a background. You'll enjoy it...or your money back.

While packing, I watched "Semi Pro" starring Will Ferrell, Woody Harrelson, and Andre Benjamin about a one-hit disco wonder Jackie Moon (Ferrell) who owns, coaches, plays, and announces for an ABA franchise called the Flint Tropics. The team is horrible, nobody goes to watch the games, but that doesn't really seem to matter until the league talks about folding...except for four teams that will merge with the NBA (GO SPURS!!!) at season's end. Anyway, it's a comedy...and it has it's moments...but it's like the last few Will Ferrell films where it gets a few laughs but really levels off quickly. There's some great frontal nudity though...so feel free to check it out if you want...and wait for Will Ferrell's next movie that I foresaw in a dream. It'll continue the trend.

I was surprised today to get a call from my Wingman, who was in town for some graduation party thing tonight...but had a few hours to burn. We tried to see if "Harold & Kumar Go to Guantanamo Bay" was playing...but it's only at two theatres in the state still with a showing at 9:45 PM & midnight. We still may go see it...but we'll see how it goes. Neither of us have work tomorrow...and the first Harold & Kumar is a classic. So we decided to go have lunch at Hooters. Now, I know what you ladies are thinking (and what the guys are thinking too) and we were just driving around...and had a theory behind it. You see...if you're expecting an important call, the easiest way to make the person call...is to put yourself in an awkward situation. On the small scale, if you do something like...go to the bathroom, they'll call. If it's a big thing (like Vegas), then you go to a strip club...but because we were hungry & Tuesday afternoons don't have the best lineup, we decided to go to Hooters.

Sure, the waitresses aren't the best. They spill stuff, your orders are always wrong, their friends/former waitresses show up and talk about their battle with alcohol poisoning over the weekend, and you still can't help but stare at their tattoos strategically placed in very sexual positions on their fake bronzed bodies (I think it was the Aerosmith logo), but the burgers are pretty good (bleu cheese, bacon, beef, and grilled mushrooms), the wings are wings (prefer breast meat...but that'll get you kicked out), the Coronas are cold, and when you need a break from staring you can watch ESPN2 kickboxing...and BS with your buddies. Good times. So that's our fascination with Hooters. Mystery solved. Oh...and I didn't get a call. I know that's why you were reading through my rant to begin with.

After lunch, we headed back to my place and had a few hours to burn, so we watched "Grandma's Boy" because he had never seen it before...and it's hilarious. It's about a 35-year old video game tester (Allen Covert) who's kicked out of his apartment and forced to live at his grandma's with her two elderly roommates. Meanwhile, there's a new video game with a deadline, blah blah blah, it's just a great funny stoner movie that you'll laugh your ass off watching. My Wingman also informed me that one of our former classmates is a video game tester. Lucky guy. There's karate monkeys, Frankenstein, video games, lots of dick & fart jokes, and Linda Cardellini doing sexy drunken karaoke to "Push It" by Salt 'n' Pepa. That's hot. Not sure how else to sell this movie to you. Check it out.

RIP Bo Diddley - Rock & Blues legend Bo Diddley died of heart failure at his Florida home yesterday at the age of 79. He influenced just about everybody to pick up a guitar and make something with it...and had a distinctive beat...but never reached the superstar status of those that he influenced. In 1955 Diddley appeared on "The Ed Sullivan Show" and was promptly banned from further appearances because he defied Sullivan's instructions to sing a cover song and instead performed his own hit "Bo Diddley." Diddley had harsh words for the direction black music had taken in recent years, telling Reuters that "gangsta" rap made his blood boil. "I hate it. I call it rap-crap," Diddley said in a 1996 interview. "I can't seem to get my records played but they'll play all this garbage." Well, I truly am sorry that your heartfelt rock wasn't exactly radio friendly...but your legend lives on, Mr. Diddley.


Well, there's really not much else to tell today. Been kind of a slow day just sitting here keeping busy and getting ready for something that may or may not happen...just like any other day really. Oh well, hopefully the Wingman's doing okay after his graduation thing and will want to go see Harold & Kumar...but if not, it's all good. I'm sure that I'll be able to entertain myself somehow. Any ideas? Gimme a call. In the meantime, have a great night!!! Let me know if any of you may be interested in buying my extra furniture and/or reading materials. Oh...and "Kung Fu Panda" comes out this weekend...so go support pandas in Hollywood...and think of my silly ass.

Return of the Monarch

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Vinny has the Yellow Fever already…and he's not quite five months old. Last night, I got a text from my sister-in-law reading "Vinny likes Asians, just like Uncle $teve. Aren't you proud? I went to a Mary Kay party today and he was pulling the consultant." That's my nephew. Five months old and already a playa. I don't know ladies, what do you think? Is my nephew sexy?

He likes to cuddle...

Just look at those blue eyes...

He's a bad boy...

...and an evil genius.

I watched "The Money Pit" on Movieplex this morning starring Tom Hanks & Shelley Long. I had seen it a few times years ago...and it's pretty funny. It's about a lawyer named Walter (Hanks) and his girlfriend (Long) buying a steal of a deal, a million dollar home at $200,000...but then finding that it's a lemon and have to pour money into reconstruction...and the hilarity ensues. There's a lot of Buster Keaton-esque physical comedy and standard Tom Hanks wit throughout the movie. Oh...and a little comical drama thrown in when an ex-lover comes back into town...but its a guy with a funny accent...so it's all good. Maybe it's worth a rental if you're into Tom Hanks' early work...before he tried to be a real actor. I say give it a shot...but I'm easily amused.



I've also started packing up a few things...in anticipation of a job offer...but it's taking a long time. I'll probably call them later today...just because I kind of took the rest of the week off in anticipation. Oh yeah, I'm probably a little over confident...but that's just how I am. What else am I going to do? Watch movies all day? Keep telling people that I don't know about the job and haven't done anything about it? Besides, it takes my mind off it a little bit. People at work are obviously as optimistic as I am...but we shall see...and soon...and I'll keep you posted obviously. If you don't hear by text message or email or shrieking screams at the top of my lungs, then you'll read it on this blog.



Speaking of badass stuff, last night was the premiere of Season 3 of "Venture Brothers" on Adult Swim...and it was the usual splendor that I've come to expect from the series. Thanks again to the Mad Scientist for sharing this show with me. I've often wondered if I were to be a superhero (or more likely a supervillain) what my name & persona would be...and I have yet to come up with anything good...but as long as I have a Dr. Girlfriend (with a sexy baritone voice) then it really doesn't matter, their eyes will be on her.

Hill Valley Burns!!! - A fire through University Studios Hollywood destroyed the Hill Valley courthouse square (YES!!! INCLUDING THE CLOCK TOWER!!!) from "Back to the Future", a King Kong exhibit, a streetscape seen in many many movies, and thousands of videos chronicling Universal's movies & TV shows. Luckily nobody was hurt…and COO Ron Meyer said, "We have duplicates of everything. Nothing is lost forever." Which is good…but damage is estimated to be in the millions. Anybody who has been on the tram ride at the theme park knows these sets…and the park was closed Sunday…but reopened today. The blaze broke out on a sound stage featuring New York brownstone facades around 4:30 a.m. at the 400-acre property and the cause is under investigation. Firefighters did not comment if they were going to go down to Riverside Drive to see if Dr. Emmett Brown may have a solution to stop this from happening…but if he's successful, we'll never know. Good luck, Doc!!!



DNA Thieving Organism - Scientists report that some tiny freshwater organisms called Bdelloid Rotifers are able to survive so well…despite giving up sex 40 million years ago...because they steal genes from other organisms. They spring back into action after being dried out and also resist radiation. Their resilience is surprising, given that sex is used by an overwhelming majority of life forms to cope with changing circumstances (tell me about it…) by allowing organisms to get useful new genes and ditch harmful, mutated ones. The translucent, waterborne creatures, which range in size from 0.004 inch to 0.04 inch long (0.1 mm to 1 mm), lay eggs, but all their offspring are female. So Meselson's team looked at their DNA to see how they manage to survive…and apparently they steal DNA. Understanding how the animals acquire and make use of these new genes could have implications for medicine. Genetic mutations, which occur constantly in any living organism, underlie cancer, heart disease and various other diseases. Wouldn't it be sweet just to "borrow" genetic material from other organisms every so often? Think of the savings on plastic surgery. Acquire a Brazilian tan. You could get bat wings (hopefully they grow to scale) with the vision of an eagle. Get some cool tiger stripes. You could even grow delicious pomegranates…but then again, tearing them off may hurt a bit. The possibilities are endless. Well, until then, I guess these Bdelloid Rotifers will just have to enjoy this superpower…until we put them on the endangered species list too. Now for a Movie List (I was bored last night)



Tom Hanks Movies


Medal Winners


Gold - Forrest Gump (1994) - I talked about this fantastic movie yesterday…and that's all I've got to say about that.



Silver - Joe Versus the Volcano (1990) - The story of Joe Banks, a former firefighter turned downtrodden soul who is diagnosed by Dr. Ellison (Robert Stack) as having a brain cloud…and only a few weeks to live. His boss (Lloyd Bridges) offers him the chance of a lifetime…to live it up in New York for a few days, go on a journey to a small island in the South Pacific called Waponi Wu with help from his daughters (all played by Meg Ryan), and courageously sacrifice himself to the volcano…all expenses paid. It's a great flick with other stars like Dan Hedaya, Ossie Davis, Abe Vigoda, Amanda Plummer, and Barry McGovern as the world's greatest luggage salesman. "May you live to be a thousand years old!!!" Also, "Sleepless in Seattle" (1993) should get some love here because of the whole Tom Hanks / Meg Ryan thing…and I like that show…to a point. Joe v Volcano though…is ten times better.



Bronze - Apollo 13 (1995) - Great drama about the ill-fated shuttle mission…and I was forced to watch it several dozen times in school. That in high school & "Pete's Dragon" in elementary seemed to be shown for any occasion. "Okay kids, we've been talking about dragons, so we're gonna watch Pete's Dragon." "Okay kids, last week we talked about lighthouses…so Pete's Dragon it is." "Okay kids, we talked about cities with funny names like Passemaquati…so I think we'll watch Pete's Dragon today." Anyway, Apollo 13 is much more dramatic than Pete's Dragon…and with 80% less Mickey Rooney. This has an all-star cast of Gary Sinise, Ed Harris, Bill Paxton, Kathleen Quinlan, Kevin Bacon (reason it makes the list…mmm bacon), and it was even directed by Opey Taylor (Ron Howard). Great movie. I'm sure that you've all seen it.



Suggestion - Philadelphia (1993) - This movie made Tom Hanks a real actor (not just that funny guy from Big, Bachelor Party, Money Pit, and Turner & Hooch) and got him his first Academy Award. He's a lawyer who is fired from his firm…basically because he's a homosexual. This is against the law…so he hires a homophobic attorney (Denzel Washington with a moustache) to take his case. What follows is one of the greatest performances ever…and the scene where Hanks talks about the opera (I forget which one) basically gave me chills the first time that I saw this movie. That's why he's got the little gold man at home. Also, I liked the Coen Brothers film that he did "Ladykillers" (2003) and a kind of slow, dark drama "Road to Perdition" (2002) so check those out if you can. I don't think they were the biggest hits in his repertoire…but still worth a gander.



Flush It - You've Got Mail (1997) - Okay, I know earlier I raved about the other two Hanks / Ryan movies…but this was one too many. I also didn't think that "The Terminal" (2004) was that funny but Catherine Zeta-Jones was in it. They weren't horrible movies…just not my cup o' tea…and I had to find a Flush It. This was the closest I could come up with. Oh…and the ending of "Cast Away" (2000) should've been flushed too.

Future Watch - Da Vinci Code & Saving Private Ryan - Okay, this isn't a complete list…because I haven't seen these two movies…but perhaps I will one day. There's also the Da Vinci prequel that I guess he's going to make a bazillion dollars for doing…and Tom Hanks is just a great actor…so whatever he does, I'm sure it'll be awesome. Even if it's him starring in "Joe Versus Global Warming" or something.



Again, I'll keep you posted with what I find out when I find out. Hopefully later today. Have a great day everybody!!!

Like Peas & Carrots

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, after blogging yesterday, I did decide to go hang out with my dad after watching a few episodes of the USA series "Burn Notice" with Jeffery Donovan, Bruce Campbell, and the eye candy Gabrielle Anwar. Nice show...about secret agents mostly...but yeah, lots of fun and coolness. I enjoy it. My dad's been keeping himself busy by building bookshelves for my stepmom, trimming hedges, fixing stuff around the house, and all that other stuff that just kind of pops up...but he's getting around great now. He's not even using a cane...but catches himself trying to jump up the stairs once in a while...and then immediately regrets it with the shooting pain up his leg. I'm glad that he's almost back to his old self (emphasis on old, bwahahahaaha). I think he starts going to work again in two weeks.

While there, I helped him with a few things (though he was mostly done by the time I got there) then we watched this movie that I had never heard of before...but was one of his & Grandpa Love's favorites called "Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins..." that was On-Demand. Like I said, I had never heard of it, but it's about a NYPD officer (the great Fred Ward) who is thought to be dead...but is rather recruited by a secret agency (his boss is Wilfred Brimley) to be the "justice behind the scenes" and assassinate those evil people who make it through the justice system unscathed. He is taught martial arts by a Korean master (much like Grandpa Love was) and sets out to right wrongs. Honestly, it's a great show with mild action and a lot of smartass remarks from everybody...so it's worth a glance...especially if you have Comcast On-Demand. For example, the name Remo Williams...was found on the bottom of a bedpan. Oh...and Kate Mulgrew (Cpt. Janeway on "Star Trek Voyager") stars in it too.

We also watched one of my favorite movies of all time, "Forrest Gump" with Tom Hanks, Gary Sinise, & Robin Wright-Penn. I'm sure that you've all seen this movie many, many times...and if not, what the heck? You should. It's the heartwarming tale of a lovable simple man named Forrest Gump (Hanks) who just goes through life the best way that he figures...and just being a decent guy full of love & luck touches the lives of so many others...including the love of his life, Jenny Curran (Penn). It's funny, inspirational, dramatic, beautiful, touching, and all the things that you look for in a good movie. Maybe it's just me...but it seems like everybody connects with Forrest in some way or another. Whether it's overcoming physical (or mental) obstacles, loving a woman of questionable reputation, luckily investing in fruit companies at the right time, starting our own business, or saving somebody's life...even if not in battle but just by being there for them. It's just a great movie that enjoy watching over & over again...and am usually satisfied because it's on TNT all the time. I'll have to do a Tom Hanks Movie List if I haven't already. I'll look into that. He's been in a lot of good ones.

We also ate some delicious Colosimo Red Wine Bratwursts...and then he asked me if I wanted his grill. I was confused. Apparently, Father's Day is two weeks from today...and he hinted that he wanted a new stainless steel grill with digital what-nots and saucepan heaters and all that stuff. So he offered to give me his grill when he gets that. Cool. I currently just use a Hamilton Beach knock-off George Foreman grill to cook for me...because I usually don't host huge barbecues...but that may change when I go down to Vegas, so we'll see.

JL Clyde invited me to a party hosted by her friend JoJo so I went to that...because it meant some drinks & some good times. It didn't disappoint. There was good music, good drinks, good conversation, and what may be one of my new favorite game shows coming to Fox called "What Am I On?" that we played with some of the colorful characters we met coming off Trax, the city's public transit system. The object of the game...is to guess what substance they are currently abusing...and it's a fun little game...and usually pretty easy too. Best part was...I wasn't the only person playing it before I mentioned it. Some other topics of discussion include...

"I think that Rihanna is a robot. I mean...she doesn't have anything on her body that can be constituted as a flaw...in every song of hers, she repeats some lyric like she's a record skipping at times...like Umbrella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella. Have any of you seen the movie Simone (I think officially "S1m0ne" with Al Pacino)? It's just like that. She has to be a robot...or at the very least some kind of hologram."

Person #1: "Will you go mix me a drink?"
Person #2: "No."
P1: "I'll give you a blow job."
P2: "You will anyway."
P1: "Damn it, you're right."
$teve: "Sounds like you really need to cut back on the supply so it's actually worth something."
P1: "You know, you're right. I wonder how long BJs have been a form of currency..."
$teve: "Well, selling sex is the world's oldest profession...so I'm assuming that BJs are probably one of the oldest forms of currency...or rather bartering, I guess."
P1: "You're probably right."
$teve (in one of his usual random dialogues set in 10,000 BC): "Hey Gorak, can I have some of that Sabre-Toothed Tiger? Uga, what's in it for me? I give you blow job. Hmm, agreed...but I don't care if this is Sabre-Toothed Tiger, no teeth. Pretend I give you Duck, no teeth, just the bill."

Anyway, good times...then I went home and slept like a baby. Didn't really do much this morning except watch TV, do some dishes, talk to my mom, and then I got a text from Bubbles. She's been a little under the weather the past few days and has spent all weekend in bed...and not the good way unfortunately. So I tried to comfort her a little bit and focus on her trip next weekend to San Diego to see some of her family...and the ocean for the first time. I suggested that she check out my posts about San Diego a.k.a. Heaven (here's one, another, another, and the last one) to get her excited about it. I fully plan on making weekend trips down there every few months (making it my new Vegas?) when I move down to Vegas...because I like the ocean. It's soothing...as long as your not roasting in the sun. Good times...just a phone call away...hint hint.

Now I'm at work and have decided that if I haven't heard from Vegas by tomorrow, I'll give them a call and see what's up. I'm sure they're busy and all...but I just gotta know one way or the other what's going on. I hate waiting until it's a last minute kind of thing...and maybe they'll appreciate saving the long distance charges. Have a great day everybody...and I'll see ya tomorrow.