Gov. Spitzer Swallows...His Pride

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday, I watched a pretty good movie called "Dan In Real Life" starring Steve Carell, Dane Cook, Juliette Binoche, and Emily Blunt (briefly as Dr. Ruthie "Pigface" Draper). It's about Dan (Carell), a widower / advice columnist (not unlike myself) with three young daughters who goes to a family reunion in Rhode Island…probably near Quahog. Anyway, he's at a bookstore and meets a wonderful, beautiful woman…and they hit it off pretty well and talk for a few hours. Anyway, they part ways (after exchanging phone numbers) and he returns to his parent's house…to find that the woman is actually his little brother (Dane Cook)'s girlfriend. Hilarity ensues as Dan is smitten with her…and they try to play it off…but there's obviously some kind of attraction. Anyway, just check it out. It's all the oddball stuff that you love from Steve Carell…with Dane Cook…and a dash of sexiness. It's a heartwarming (and at times, heart-tugging) family movie too…so yeah, check it out if you like that kind of thing. I would recommend it.



Dream - Okay, so the other night, I had a twisted little dream…and the scary thing is that it may be a future Will Ferrell film…which really disturbs me. Will Ferrell starred in it…and he was racing motorcycles (because apparently he only does sports parodies from now on). I don't recall much except that he had a wife, a girlfriend, and a mistress…and I think that all three were professionals…if you know what I mean (there was a lot of hanky panky in this dream…but not the really hot kind…just lots of it…with random people…and little people…and livestock…and each other…again, not the hot kind). Also, the protagonist was Martin Klebba (the little dude from "Pirates of the Caribbean" & "Knee High P.I."). Apparently his size and aerodynamic skull makes him go really really fast on a rice rocket. Anyway, keep an eye out for that one. Don't say that I didn't warn you.



Governor Spitzer Swallows…His Pride - Okay, so I watch "The Colbert Report" a lot…and one of the coolest repeat guests on the show is New York Governor Eliot Spitzer (here possibly showing what he's working with) and now he's caught in the middle of a call girl scandal…and that just makes him even cooler. Okay, not really…but still it's pretty God damn funny, if you ask me. Especially since one of the alleged affairs happened at the Mayflower hotel (been there, nice place) on February 12th...when he appeared on Colbert's show that night. Because of this scandal (and a pile of circumstantial evidence that leads to years of call girl usage and something like an $80,000 tab), he was forced to resign. However, I noticed during his initial speech…that he just seemed really angry at everyone…because he was the one that got caught. His body language seemed like he just wanted to slap some people around…which was probably the case…but hey, sometimes you eat the bar…and sometimes the bar eats you…and by bar, I mean call girl.


Speaking of which, they identified this call girl…and she's a 22-year old aspiring musician (isn't every New Yorker an aspiring _______?) named Ashley Alexandra Dupre (insert "You, Me, & Dupre" proposition gag here) not "Kristen" as she was identified in court literature. Just looking at her though, she has to be a really great singer. I mean…just look at those lungs and tell me she can't belt out those high notes. If you want, you get listen to her music on her MySpace page apparently…and I love that her August 30th blog says, "The past few months have been a roller coaster with so called friends, lovers, and family" just wait until you see what the next few months have in store for ya. However, during the investigation they showed that he paid thousands of dollars for an hour or so with these call girls…and it got me thinking that I needed to get in on this gig somehow. Unfortunately, there wasn't a way for me to find out how much I could charge…until I stumbled upon one of my favorite blogs and found this test.


Apparently, I'm worth a LOT more than I gave myself credit for…and as usual, I blame the media. I simply answered the questions…and it gives me the results based upon average escort service providers. Let's see - Male, Sasquatch-sized (some answers make sense during the survey), Athletic, 23-26 years of age, Disease-free, Heterosexual (though going Trisexual could triple my market…because I'd tri anything), 1-5 partners in my life, no tattoos or piercings, I like to try new things, 4 year degrees, large penis, eclectic style, honest & open conversation, would rather stay in on Fridays to have sex, enjoy international travel, I saw a mask on the inkblot, I like spicy foods, I snuggle after sex, and a sense of humor matters most to me in a partner (because I'm pretty zany in the sack). Apparently, that makes me worth $1056 per hour. However, I'm willing to negotiate…if anybody out there is interested.


Why Everybody Loves Mary Ann - Dawn Wells, the actress that played everybody's favorite sexy castaway (besides Milla in "Return to Blue Lagoon") Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island" is serving six months unsupervised probation after being caught with marijuana in her car. Her story was a likely one. She was returning from a surprise birthday party when she was pulled over for swerving all over the road (as most elderly drivers do). The sheriff investigated and found half-smoked joints and two small cases to store marijuana (I believe they're called dime bags). Her alibi - She had just picked up three hitchhikers and their cigarettes smelled funny. Really? She didn't even try the whole "It helps with my glaucoma and arthritis" spiel? That might have worked…and apparently the flaunting of the chesticles didn't work any longer. "DAMN YOU, FATHER TIME!!! Why must you destroy everything beautiful?" Where was I? Oh yeah, so Mary Ann likes to party. Good for her. Next time that I’m up in Idaho getting lottery tickets, maybe we can hang out or something. You can tell me about the times when dime bags used to cost a dime. I'll introduce you to a little thing that I like to call "Battlestar Galactica" (Season Three comes out on Tuesday).

Worst Date Ever? - Manuel Uribe is a 42-year old mechanic from Monterrey, Mexico. He has a girlfriend…and wanted to take her out to eat a restaurant. He made all the necessary arrangements. He got a nice outfit to wear, made the reservations, worked on his game in the mirror, thought of a few funny anecdotes, and arranged for a forklift to take him to the restaurant. Oh yeah, Manuel is about 800 pounds…and the dinner was to celebrate his girlfriend's birthday and the fact that he had LOST over 400 pounds since starting a high-protein diet. However, disaster struck. Uribe was halfway to a picnic near his home on Sunday when one of the posts holding a sun-shielding tarp over his bed hit an overpass. Uribe's blood pressure dropped so much that his doctors advised him not to go on and the picnic was canceled. Apparently, there was also a few dozen reporters following his every move too. I'm sorry that happened, senor. Keep at it though…and before you know it, you'll be able to take your girl out for a picnic…or a frozen yogurt…or a walk on the beach. At least you have a girlfriend. You should feel blessed just for that. Some of us aren't so lucky. (Deep sigh) Even the 800-pound guy has a girlfriend…but it could be worse for me. At least I don't have to pay thousands of dollars for an hour with a call girl. Just about a hundred dollars on booze for a sorority party. Stay in school, girls!!!


Other than that, not a whole lot going on in my life other than work...and waiting for Vegas. I'm gonna go see my brother & his family for the first time in a few months. Maybe I'll get to see my nephew Vinny now that he's all grown up (doubled in size since I last saw him). I'm a little excited about that. Have a great day everybody!!! Oh, by the way...

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