Part 5 - Where Love is King

Bon Giorno Principessa,

Well, after spending a few hours trying to add photos to my blog last night while catching up on the craziness that is college football, I have returned for this entry...and boy is it a good'un. Also, please note that it is not in fact morning as my greeting would imply...but all the ladies reading this are princesses. On that note, if you haven't seen "Life is Beautiful" with Roberto Begnini, let me know and we can watch it for a movie night or something. One of my favorites ever. Anyway, we now return to our previously scheduled program, Rational Baboon's European Vacation.

Day 10 - Napoli (Naples), Italy

In Napoli, where Love is King, when boy meets girl, here's what they sing, "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore. When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore. Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling, and you'll sing Vita Bella. Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay, like a gay tarantella." What does this classic poem from legendary poet Dino Paul Crocetti mean? Dr. Love is King of the land of Napoli...and he sings some silly stuff when he's in a good mood...like I am today, tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay.

This day started with breakfast, as it usually does, then we found out that grandma didn't want to participate in the tour this day...because she was exhausted from Roma and this was even more walking than that one...because we were to explore all over the Bay of Naples - Pompeii, Sorrento, the isle of Capri, and then a drive through Naples before returning to the boat. Great day, right? It's probably a good thing that grandma didn't come though. You'll see why.

The weather was a little rainy and cold, especially compared to the incredible weather that we had the first nine days of our trip...but it was actually rainy the last time that I came to Pompeii in 1999 and it was still an incredible experience. We met with our tour guide Vincenzo (Enzo) and we drove from the port to Pompeii, stopping along the way at the Gold Cameo Factory in Napoli (so we could spend money at this Royal Caribbean recommended store). It worked. I bought my mother's present from here. For those who don't know, Cameos are basically beautifully chiseled designs into conch shells, usually a lady. Here are some examples...

This one looks like what I got for my mom.

Pompeii was a thriving trade center in ancient Rome. Based on what I gathered, it was kind of like the Las Vegas of the Roman Empire in a way. Lots of sinful, sexy stuff going on during those business trips to sell goods (probably cameos included for all I know). One morning in 79 AD (the Coliseum was under construction in Roma), the earth shook at their feet. A strange smoke came from the nearby Mount Vesuvius...and within minutes, it erupted, spewing fiery ash and pumous rock into the sky. You may think that most people were killed by liquid hot mag-ma flowing in the streets...but it was actually much more gruesome and captivating (why it's been a dream of mine to make a big budget Hollywood movie about it). Some ran away from the erupting Vesuvius...but there were very few boats (none ready to take off immediately) and you can't outrun ash...so many of those that ran where either beaten down by the falling pomous rock or inhaled the fiery ash into their lungs...basically turning them into concrete and sufficating in excrutiating pain. The ash covered their bodies...and eventually their bodies decomposed, leaving behind what were basically casts of what they were doing during their final moments. Here are some of those casts.



Others retreated to their homes for shelter. For several hours, this was no problem...but the rock kept falling...and falling...and families were gathered in their one or two room homes...candles lit...with roofs that were designed more to deflect rainwater than rock. Air was getting scarce...and the families were getting sleepy...rock had piled on their foot up to three meters high...then again, most roofs didn't make it over three feet of rock...and caved in on top of the families. Truly a horrible way to go. Mother Nature can be a real bitch sometimes.

However, there is a silver lining to this and a lesson that can be (and has been) learned from this disaster. One - The city of Pompeii has obviously rebuilt and is one of the coolest tourist destinations in the world...with plenty of ships fairly ready to skee skee skee out of there with a few minutes notice. Two - We drive cars now...which are much faster than horses on cobblestone streets. Three - We now have a nearly perfectly preserved archeological site that's like a glimpse back into the ancient Roman Empire in the cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum (which I've heard is even better...but I haven't been there). Here are some pictures from my two adventures into this wonderful city. The trip this time wasn't as extensive as the first one...but the pictures are a little clearer, as you may notice.

City Square

Former temple to Athena

Coliseum unearthed

This is an amphitheatre they use sometimes.

I also apparently can't use a scanner correctly.

They don't build bathhouses like this anymore...

er, so I'm told...by people who are not me.

This was the preferred bathhouse of the Senate.

It's rumored that this tub is where the phrase

"You wash my back, I'll wash yours" originated.

So what if I just started the rumor? It's my blog.

1999 - $teve at 18 next to a fireplace covered in seashells.

No, not another picture of me...but rather

the God of Fertility. Good guess though.

This mosiac was designed to create the

illusion that you weren't being watched by voyers.

Cave Canem - "Beware of Dog" No foolin'!!! Scouts honor!!!

World's first McDonalds - Built in 74 A.D.

Half of the original Golden Arches

Sorry, this was actually the fast food restaurant of Pompeii

My favorite shot of Pompeii...but unfortunately also the exit.

The mountain in the background is Mt. Vesuvius

It's still an active volcano...but it last went off in 1944.

We then drove along the coastline of the Bay of Naples. There were many gorgeous angles of the bay and quaint mountain villages along the way including Vico Equense, which we didn't get to see...but I wouldn't mind looking further into it on my return trip (remember the coin in the Fountain of Trevi). Here are some shots.



Sorrento is considered the in-laid wood capital of the world...and we went to one of the most famous factories in the world, A. Gargiulo & Jannuzzi. There were very many beautiful, intriquite, and therefore expensive pieces of furniture, artwork, and a selection of other jewelers goods including the world-famous Murano Glass from Venice (went in 1999 and saw how glass is blown, it's awesome). I got my present for several ladies back home here. You're welcome, ladies.


During our lunch, we were informed by our tour guide that the jetfoil boats that go out to the Isle of Capri were very choppy and many people were having a hard time with it (I won't go into details...but seasickness was involved) so our trip to Capri was cancelled...because they may have to cancel the boat service completely and we wouldn't make it back to the ship. People were obviously a little peeved...but it wasn't our tour guide's fault. Enzo and his charming Italian accent had no say in causing ten foot waves that threw the little boats about. It was Mother Nature being a little crabby. Take it up with her. So no venturing to the islands were the three hot sirens from "The Odyssey" hang out...but it's all good...because chances were that everybody else would be turned to pigs...and I would be fed them. "Bwahahaha, you just ate your fellow cruisers, $teve." "What? I was wondering why the pigs here were wearing jewelry and the rump roast had a thong in it. You tricked me!!! You bitch!!! Would you mind passing the barbecue sauce?"

Where was I? Oh yeah, so because the bus had already left for another tour, we had four hours to burn in the city of Sorrento...so that meant shopping for most...and strolling through the town for me. It was actually a really nice city with a lot of cool stuff to see, even when it was raining off & on. The last hour or so though, it rained really hard, so most of our group hung out under the canopy of A. Gargiulo & Jannuzzi waiting for our bus that was on the way. Here are some shots of the city.

Yet another "Holy Kancho"

"What's under this bridge?"

"Cool!!!"

Along the hour drive back, Enzo apologized profusely...but it didn't do much. It seems that everybody except me, Pat, & grandma were angry at him. He told us that we would be partially refunded...and to make it up, he would take us to some of the sights of Napoli. One lady wanted to see them, the rest of the bus were adimantly against it...so we went and saw them. Go figure.

Do you see why nobody cared about the sights of Napoli?

When I went to Guest Services to check on the refund, some ladies from the group were causing a bit of a scene. "We want a FULL refund. This tour was ridiculous. It rained. We were stuck in a crappy city for six hours. Gobble gobble gobble..." Sorry, when people start to bitch & whine...it kind of turns into turkey gobbling or chicken clucking inside my head...and I get a little hungry. So I walked up to the counter next to them, the guest services person said "We can only give you a 30% refund. If you want more than that, you can fill..." "Thirty percent? That's cool. I understand. You can't control the weather. That's great. Thanks." He seemed a little stunned...and the ladies next to us heard my response and glared at me. I just smiled back, "Have a great night, ladies."

Dinner was scallop & mussels gratin, Coq du Vin (really good chicken marinated in pinot noir with bacon on it...and I lust for bacon), and chocolate truffle cake. Delicious. The boat was rockin' something fierce...and I was really curious how the Flamenco Show that evening was going to be when most of the people on the boat could barely stand up. It was amazing. The group Ole Ole played some incredible Rumba Flamenco tunes complete with beautiful dancing. It was great...but I still liked the first show back on Day 2 a little better. I still bought their album and a How-To-Flamenco video.

As people were filing out from the show, a sweet elderly lady next to me asked "Are you a drummer?" I was a little confused by the question...but then realized it was because during the performance, my hands were kind of beating on my legs and stuff because I tend to have drummer tendencies when I'm listening to some music. "Oh...not professionally or anything...but I do a little." "That's great. My husband was a Flamenco dancer and a drummer. He used to do that whenever he was listening to music too. You remind me a lot of him back when I first met him." "He must have been a GREAT man." Luckily, she laughed at my obviously intentional arrogant statement. That could have been really awkward if she hadn't. "Yes. Yes, he was." "I'm sorry for your loss. That sucks. I mean that from the bottom of my heart." She laughed again. "It's okay. It's been a few years." "Well, if you're going to be spending a few days in Barcelona when the cruise is over, I'd recommend going to this Flamenco show that we saw there. I think it was even better than this one." I gave her the details...and was glad to make an old lady's night...maybe two days if she went to the show. Anyway, I slept like a baby that night...except for when I woke up once, basically being thrown against the wall when the ship went over a few really big waves...at least I hope that's what it was.

Day 11 - Palermo, Sicily

We got a late start this morning...because we had no tour group plans today and thought we'd go at our leisure. Around 11 AM, we walked off the boat and looked for a taxi...because if you find a really good cab driver, they'll take you all over their city and its best sights for a flat fee for a few hours...and they'll just gush over their city's heritage and how much history there is and other intricacies that most tour guides in big groups ignore. Luckily, we found Machelo, who lived in Miami for about five years before moving back to the city that he grew up in, Palermo, capital of Sicily.


First stop was the Paloderma Theatre, followed by the Massimo Theatre. Machelo said something about part of the Godfather (or "Il Padrino" as it says on their souvenir T-shirts) being filmed at Massimo Theatre...but I don't recall the scene off hand. Probably Godfather III or something.

Paloderma Theatre

Massimo Theatre

Can you blow two horns simultaneously?

Next was La Cattedrale di Palermo. This was a really cool cathedral...as the pictures will confirm without question.


Then we drove past the old City Gates and the Royal Palace.



Next was Piazza Marina, where we found this creepy, cool, old tree.


Next, he took us on a drive up Monte Pellegrino for a beautiful view of the entire city of Palermo.

Cacti? Not what I was expecting on the sides of Pellegrino.

At the summit of Monte Pellegrino is the beautiful church Santuario Santa Rosalia. If you're wondering why it looks like this church is built into the side of the mountain, it's because it is. The pictures really don't give it justice but it was honestly one of the coolest things that I saw the entire trip. If you like these pictures, check out the link for some really good ones.


On the other side of Monte Pellegrino is the town of Mondello, a suburb of Palermo where Machelo currently lives with his wife. The houses on the hills look like they're icing drizzled on a cake or something. I thought it was really cool.


Then he took us to the beachfront to see the beautiful white-sand beaches of his city. Now I can see why all the Mafia Dons retire to this place. Beautiful scenery, great food, gorgeous women, I might retire to Sicily. They even have little mountains...but without feet of snow. I'll have to work on my Italian pickup lines though.


We drove back, wished Machelo well, and returned to the ship. On the way to send my Sicilian postcard, I ran into Donato and the other guys from Port St. Lucie. He was smiling like Sophia Loren showed up at his doorstep bucky naked with a check from Publisher's Clearing House. He had returned to the land of his ancestry and was having the time of his life. Good for him. We had a great day too. Maybe I'll have the same look on my face when I return to the land of my ancestry...like Prague. That'd be sweet...but that's for another day...and Milla Jovovich would take Sophia's place. Why not Adriana or Angelina? They're not Eastern European.


The ship left port around 4:30 and we were back around 3, so we had a few hours before dinner...and I watched "Music & Lyrics" with Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore and "We Are Marshall" with Bayou Billy...er, Matthew McConaughey. Sorry, I still think it's a perfect video game-to-movie translation. They were okay. I liked "Music & Lyrics" because it pokes a lot of fun at modern-day music and how anybody can make lyrics. Hugh Grant plays the Other Guy from Pop! (Wham!) trying to make a comeback...and Drew Barrymore is his cleaning lady who has a knack for rhyming words like long and wrong. Hugh Grant sense of humor is a lot like mine...where he just mumbles to himself half the time and has a clever quip for everything. It's okay for a chick flick.

Dinner was a bit of salmon, Thai BBQ Chicken Breast, and a dessert sampler. Those cruise ships know how to feed ya. We then went to a musical montage show in the main theatre...and by the end, I longed for death. It started promisingly with them singing Ray Charles tunes (horribly) but then quickly turned to a bunch of musicals...some I've never seen and/or heard of. There was a point where they mixed Bend It Like Beckham, the Guru, and Buster Poindexter into one song. See? Stephen King isn't the only one that comes up with ideas on acid.

That evening, they were having a midnight chocolate buffet, so we stayed up for it (though I was the only one that went when midnight came around) and here are some pictures.

Shortly after seeing this statue, I went to sleep.

Mmm, a woman made entirely of chocolate...

and apparently, she's kept in the fridge...

Day 12 - Day at Sea

I awoke to the sound of a knock at the door of our cabin...and in walked our roomcleaning lady Luna. "Oh sorry Kevin. I didn't know you were still in bed. So sorry..." and she left. She called me Kevin the entire trip. I guess it's easy to confuse $teven with Kevin...and I didn't have the heart to correct her. It's cool. It may have come in handy if I had done something illegal and had to cheese it...then they were taking her statement. "Who did this?" "His name is Kevin. He very tall...and tastes like chocolate." "Put out an APB on any passenger named Kevin. Tall, african-american male, armed & probably extremely horny."

When I finally rolled out of my bunk bed, I felt like Odysseus returning home after the Battle of Troy. I nearly fell off the ladder getting down because the rocking was so hard...and I realized that it was 9:30 AM and the ladies were gone. They totally ditched me for breakfast...and I really didn't care. I shared breakfast with two ladies from Tucson...but they didn't have much to say. We just gazed out the window and admired the enormous waves and the motion of the ocean. It was extremely windy and rainy, so on our day at sea, we really didn't have outdoor activites as an option...unless you're like me and want to get pictures and video of a torential downpour...

This picture is included...because wind doesn't

show up on the previous pictures.

In the room, I watched a Discovery Channel show about Marsupials and people that save the furry orphans from the wild and raise them...and then a show entitled "Xtreme Animals" about...well, extreme animals like alligators and tigers. No Pandas though.

At one o'clock, they had a Flamenco lesson presented by Ole Ole, where they'd teach us to Flamenco...in the High Notes bar...on the top deck of the ship...during a storm at sea. I arrived a little early to look out the windows and see the storm. The sun came out momentarily in one spot and there was a beautiful rainbow off the portside of the ship. Moments later, the ship jostled violently from the waves and the rainbow disappeared as a huge splash come up the side of the ship. It was like something from the Tsunami footage. "Holy crap, we hit the rainbow!!!"

During the lesson, the floor was very unstable...but luckily, a lot of uncoordinated ladies had me to catch them when they stumbled. It was pretty good...and like I said, I've got their video to learn...since the lesson was only for about thirty minutes.

Dinner was red pepper Hummus, Mahi Mahi Tempura, and Brownie Madness. With a name like Brownie Madness, I was a little disappointed when I didn't hallucinate afterwards...but it was still delicious. After dinner, we packed up our things and were ready for our prophecized return to Barcelona in the morning...so that'll do it for today.

By the way, I have yet to see the "American Gangster" movie with Denzel & Russell Crowe...but I did purchase the "American Gangster" album by Jay-Z. I've been a big fan of Jay-Z since I first heard of him with "Volume II - Hard Knock Life" and this album is a lot better than "Kingdom Come" his last one. The beats are better, the lyrics are tighter, and I'm gladly bumping it in my Buick Park Avenue (Poor man's Maybach). If you're a fan of Jay-Z, check it out. If not, let me know how the movie is.

Have a great night everybody!!! Enjoy the American Football today!!! Big Ups to my blog buddy Bone Junior for this demonstration of Eagles Pride in the face of adversity!!! By the way, they just lost to the still-undefeated Patriots by three on a last second interception...but were 24 point underdogs. How many did the Cowboys lose to the Patriots by? Less than they're going to lose to the Packers on Thursday. Look for me on TV. I'll be the tall guy getting the crap beat out of him for wearing a Tony Romo jersey where the first letter on the back has been slightly altered to look like an H.

Cowboys Fan in the stands: "Hey buddy, someone done messed up yer jersey?"

$teve: "Oh damn. It must have been one of those sexy, well-endowed Eagles fans sitting behind me on the airplane. Damn their clever, perfectly-toned asses!!!"

Have a great night everybody!!!