Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Part 1 - The Random Menace

Good evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Welcome to the first installment of an undetermined number of volumes about my recent trip to Europe (and some references to the trip some 8.5 years ago) entitled "Rational Baboon's European Vacation." These will be filled with a lot of pictures (but not all because they take up a lot of memory...and some just aren't very interesting), stories of events, some silly jokes, and the usual stuff that you've come to expect from me. So enjoy...

Day 1 & 2 - Slick City to JFK to Barcelona

I awoke around 5 AM to the delightful sound of my alarm clock and the alarm on my cell phone going off simultaneously...which made me wonder why "Slow Jamz" had this incredibly irritating new baseline. A quick shower and waking up everybody and we were off to the airport. We checked in hella early, so I got me some breakfast (California Pizza Kitchen and a Coke for about twenty bucks...f**king airports) and we boarded our plane for JFK. To recap who I was going with, allow me to introduce you to them.

Grandma - She's 71 years old, had 17 kids, and about the most level headed and sweet woman that you could ever hope to meet. Raising all those chillun's taught her not to take life too seriously...and that's super. She hurt her knee recently so her mobility is way down...but luckily, she had me for a 6'8" cane to lean on. The only problem was...that her center of gravity is about the same level as my ankles...but we managed pretty well. In case you were wondering why we didn't get her a cane...or a wheelchair or anything like that...she's also kind of a stubborn ass...as you would probably expect from somebody responsible for a quarter of my genetic code. She had a great time though...and that's what counts.

Pat - Pat is my mother's friend from work. She is often mistaken for my grandma because she's a lot like my mom. If you hang around Pat more than a few minutes, you'll find out the following...because she'll work it into any conversation whether you know it already or not. She is an orphan. Apparently, that's an excuse for every little quirk or lack of knowledge about anything that may come up. "Oh, I didn't know that. I was an orphan." "So...you didn't know shrimp can be served with their heads still attached...because you were an orphan?" She's been to Belgium with work...and the old people there have no problem walking on ice. Still not sure how this kept coming up in the conversation...but it did. She thinks that Barcelona is a lot like San Francisco was in the 60's. Why? "Street people." She's another open book though and will tell you anything and everything...whether you asked or not. Oh yeah...and she's the kind of person that likes to open her mouth...instead of opening her eyes & ears. Even when she's silent, she still can't hear you...or she just doesn't pay attention to it...even if she just asked you a question. A little irritating...but she had fun too.

Anyway, back to the flight to JFK. Have you ever been on a flight and seen a mother with a newborn...and you watch them walking down the aisle towards you...and so you say a silent prayer along the lines of "Please don't let the screaming baby sit next to me. Please don't let the screaming baby sit next to me." and then they sit down next to you? Yeah, it's fun stuff...but this time, it actually wasn't that bad. The baby was smiling at me and sticking her tongue out at me...so I did it back. Then she started giggling so the mom introduced herself and the baby, June. "So she's...what about...five or six months old then?" "Yeah, the name kind of gives it away, doesn't it?" She came with her husband too...and another couple all seated on the same row. The guys were talking about airlines and the Mile High Club and everything...so I shared my ideas with them...and they seemed to like them a lot. Here are some other ideas that were thrown around...

Tom: "Serious, I think only dwarves can get into the Mile High Club anymore."
$teve: "I have to lean my head against the ceiling to take a leak. I couldn't imagine trying to fit somebody else in there with me...well, I could imagine it..."
Tom: "No kidding? Rick & I were just talking about the idea that it should still count...even if you have to go in separately."
Hardy laughter ensued. Those were some great cats. We talked about a bunch of other things...mostly traveling. Best part, June didn't cry until initial descent...and even then it was only for a moment...then I started with the smiling and wagging my tongue. I've found that it's hard for babies to cry when they're wagging their tongue at you. This concludes today's childrearing lesson.

Oh yeah, also on the flight were about forty Russian orphans ranging from about ages 5-12 with TWO adults watching them. Apparently, somebody with cash invited them over for a Madonna-esque lineup, then sent the rest home. The flight from JFK to Barcelona wasn't quite as entertaining...but had its moments. When the guy at the airport was announcing that they were going to load soon, it was along the lines of "Okay, we're about to load up this plane in about thirty minutes...so if you've gotta go to the baffroom or anything, do it quick and be back here...or else you ain't gettin' on this plane. We won't wait for ya."

During the flight, I sat to an angry Spanish couple, so there was no conversation going on there. There was a hippie lady (possibly going to Barcelona a.k.a. New San Francisco) talking to a guy across the aisle from me. I wasn't necessarily eavesdropping...rather than couldn't help but hear her talking about how she backpacks all over the world and how all the different cultures are based on Love & Togetherness...but America is all about Money & Pollution. I wanted to throw in my two cents...but I decided to watch "Mr. Bean's Holiday" & "License to Wed." They're both okay. Mr. Bean is exactly what you would expect. No words really...but a lot of stupid facial expressions and situations.

The plane landed in the early morning hours...and I don't sleep on airplanes...so I really didn't like carrying my luggage and my grandma's...but I did. We checked into the Renaissance Barcelona Airport and it was a very nice hotel. It's kind of has a futuristic, artistic look about it...and the girls at the front desk are all attractive ladies with Spanish accents...and they think it's cute when you try to use Spanish. "Ola." "Ola senorita, como es sta?" "Muoy bien. (Spanish I don't know)" "Ah, excellente. Ugh dos...ugh rooms...for..." She laughs at my obvious lack of knowledge of her language but a feeble attempt to show that I kind of tried. "Is okay. What is your last name sir?" "Culo, $teve Culo." Okay, I didn't really say that...but I felt like it.

We had to wait a few hours for our rooms (being early morning) but we used that time to get maps and tips from the concierge about what to see and how to get around the city. He was very helpful and explained everything so that even I could understand. The hotel had a shuttle that takes guests into Placa Espanaya ("Spanish Plaza") which is a good central location and you the Metro and bus lines all go there too. First things first though, I had been up for a long, long time and needed some rest...so when we got our rooms, I took what I consider to be the Greatest Nap EVER!!! Though it was only about two hours, it hit the spot. Oh yeah, I just wanted to show you this picture of the bathroom for two reasons: 1) It's a pretty cool, petite bathroom; and 2) THIS was my first picture in Europe...and it's of a bathroom.

When I awoke, we went to a Flamenco Dancing Show & Dinner in the city center. I'm not going to lie. This was one of my favorite stops on the trip. I have some video of this (before I was informed that it wasn't allowed)...but it doesn't do it justice (as this picture obviously doesn't either) but the music & dancing was passionate, beautiful, and intense. I was really swept up into it. I'd be happy to demonstrate it for you...but again, no justice. It was hot, sweaty, sexy, rhythmic, and...ugh, sorry, I blacked out for a second. Was I talking about the Flamenco Show again? Yeah, it was good. The dinner was okay. We had paella, a little steak, and tiramisu. Nothing spectacular...except for the dancing. Again, beautiful Spanish women (and a dude) who obviously loved what they do, dancing, girating, sweat pouring out of their bodies, clapping & stomping & spinning to the intense flamenco beat played by a live band behind them, singing in Spanish (you don't have to know what they're saying, just that you can tell, they mean it), I recommend it to anybody if you get the chance. Worth every penny. It's just hard for me to type it out...but hopefully I did an okay job.

The cab ride back...started as all of them did. We get in the cab. "Renaissance aeropuerto, por favor." "Que?" "Renaissance." "Regadulo?" "Que? No, Renaissance...aeropuerto." "Aeropuerto?" "Ren-a-sonse hotel...by aeropuerto." "Que?" Pull out the card to the room with the logo. "Oh, Ren-a-SONSE. Si, Renaissance Aeropuerto." I hold back from saying, "What the f**k did you think I said? Renaissance." It wouldn't be so irritating if it at least sounded different than what I was saying...but it was exactly the same...even with the accent. That...and it happened every time...so by the end of the trip, I just flashed the room card. Anyway, slept like a babe that night...and for nine hours or so.

Day 3 - Barcelona

The next morning, we woke up and met with Trevor, our tour guide for the day in the lobby. Trevor was an okay guy. He was born & raised in San Diego and moved out to Barcelona about three years ago because he couldn't stand living in America any more because "Freedom over there isn't real Freedom. It's just a word. Here, you can be free...like the America that our parents and grandparents talked about when they were kids." Oh yeah, he had a ponytail and works as a bartender too...but I really didn't need to tell you that, did I? Admit it. Anyway, great guy...and today, he was giving us a half-day tour of Barcelona...but we hit the major spots and were filled in with history along the way.

Long historical story slightly shorter - Barcelona is the capital of Catalonia, which used to be a separate country from Spain, but they just kind of absorbed it back in the day (too lazy to look up the year). The culture there is still pretty distinctively different from, say, Madrid Spain...and the language is even slightly different. The best example I could think of...is it's similar to the way Scotland is with the United Kingdom. Distinctively different...but still shares an Olympic team. During the first half of the 20th century, Spain was ruled by an evil socialist dictator named Franco (who like most evil dictators helped their capital cities to have a great infrastructure but a lot of people were killed along the way) and eventually he died and shortly after the people revolted and established a democracy...but they were a good fifty years behind everybody else at best. However, they won the bid for the 1992 Summer Olympics (Remember the 1st Dream Team and Greg Louganis hitting his head on the diving board?) and that basically was their opportunity to establish themselves as a major European capital...and they did splendidly. The city pulled together...and I can honestly say that it's one of the most incredible areas that I've ever visited...but you'll see over the next few posts. Anyway, that's a quick rundown of recent history as I recall it being explained to me. Click here if you'd like to know more details.

Montjuic - Montjuic ("Jewish Mountain") is so named because it's where the Jews were buried outside of the city walls...again, back in the day (probably Middle Ages). Now, the side that faces the sea is the location of many cozy apartments with fairly affordable rent. How good you ask? People are literally dying to get into them. Okay, it's still a cemetary...but you can't really ask for a better view when you die. Here are some pictures. First of the view, then of the cemetary.

Castell de Montjuic - This is a fortified fortress built atop Montjuic in 1640 that has never been conquered...but is no longer in use, except as a great place to get a panoramic view of the city of Barcelona and Mediterranean Sea and a Military Museum. Here are some pictures.

1992 Olympic Venues - Also on Montjuic is some of the venues like the coliseum for the track & field events, the swimming pool (yes, where Louganis bopped his noggin), and the Olympic Needle among others. More pictures...

After that, Trevor drove us into the city and to see some of the architecture of the city, primarily down the street Passeig de Gracia, which is where a lot of the really, really rich folk lived during the early 20th century and made their homes, many with the help of the legendary artist and architect Antoni Gaudi. He'll be mentioned a lot when talking about beautiful things in Barcelona. You can see some more of his architectural works at this link and here's pictures of Casa Mila and other houses along the way.
This sign made me think of one
of my lovely blog fans.

Parc Guell - This park was designed by Antoni Gaudi from 1900-1914 and was his last completed project. It's kind of hard to describe in words...so here are yet more pictures and the link will answer most of your questions if you have any.
Here's a picture of Pat and my Grandma.
Here's an example of the mosaics that cover this place.

La Sagrada Familia - "Holy Family" - Gaudi designed this cathedral and started in 1884, worked on it until his death in 1926, and it's still being constructed to this day...and probably will be for another century or so. It's an incredibly intriquite piece of architecture and incredibly original. The most inspiring thing about this building, to me, is that it's a vision that the man worked on for thirty years...and is his testament to the world...but he only saw it when it was little more than a foundation. Four or more generations have passed since then...and it's still being built and is still considered one of the great artistic visions of all time. Many of us think "It's too hard. It'll take too long to do. It could never happen." but with the right amount of vision, belief, and passion, you can achieve anything...even if it's not in your lifetime. Greatness knows no time. Here's to having a dream...and more pictures.
Here's a picture of my Grandma & her two meter walking stick.
Here's a spiral staircase.
Hopefully a handrail is in the final plans.
Gaudi - "I told you. It must be built
on the backs of sea turtles!!!"

After Sagrada Familia, Trevor dropped us off in Placa Catalunya ("Catalonian Square") because it was the top of Las Ramblas, a pedestrian shopping area (and the only place that I could think of when he asked where we wanted to be dropped off at). However, there was a commotion. Apparently, in Europe, they LOVE football. Not the incredible sport that Brett Favre plays...but some silly version where they kick a round ball around and score...usually about twice over the course of three hours. Well, there was a pretty big football game between FC Barcelona and the Glasgow Rangers this day...and about 40,000 crazy ass Scots came to support their Rangers...and get piss drunk on Las Ramblas and take over Placa Catalunya to sing their team's praises. It was an incredible sight to behold (video). Walking down Las Ramblas was quite an adventure with drunken Scots singing out proud and everyone within earshot joining in. Say what you will about soccer being a silly sport (and I will) but those fans are passionate...and Scottish people are just fun, fun, fun to be around...unless they're an angry drunk. Anyway, FC Barcelona won 2-0 that night...but luckily, we were back at the hotel before nightfall.

Before we left though, we did a little shopping and found Museo de Cera Wax Museum. It was quite different from Madame Tussaud's. Here are pictures...with captions.
Here's a wax figure of Antoni Gaudi in his later years.
Some have their Hall of Presidents.
Spain is a socialist state.
See how many you can name...
The sign said Steven Spielberg.
Honestly, it could be the Unibomber or
anybody with a beard & sunglasses.
Here's one of Richard Gere, Charlie Chaplin,
and a nose wearing a wig and hooker attire.
I was just confused at this Star Wars part.
Chewie looked like Dr. Zaius from Planet of the Apes.
Luke really looked like Dorothy Hamill.

We also took a Carriage Ride back up Las Ramblas watching the Scots along the way (with one jumping in the carriage with us asking, "How goes it? GO RANGERS!!!" and we cheered with him as the driver shooed him off and he started singing something. By the time we got back up to Placa Catalunya, it was apparent that the Scots were in control. The square was full of chanting football fans and police officers at post, ready for any tomfoolery.

We made it home safely (after trying to get a taxi for over an hour), had some food at the hotel and a glass of Sangria...and how did I relax for bed? Let me ask you something. What's sexier than watching the Discovery Channel's show "What's Sexy?" How about watching it...with a Spanish female narrator? I don't know exactly what she was saying...but it was muoy caliente.

Anyway, that's enough for this entry. Sorry if it was long...but it was a lot for just a few days. At this rate, there'll be 4-5 more just like it. Hope you enjoyed it. See ya on Part 2, probably tomorrow while I work on Turkey Day / Thanksgiving. Adios Amigos!!!

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