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Nearly a week went by…and despite Petra's efforts, she wasn't able to contact the boat. She decided to stop calling…and begin anew with her new beau…but the romance was short-lived. On Saturday, he flew off and sought out the company of other black swans. His note tells a tale of personal conflict: "My dearest Petra, over the last few days, we grew so close…yet I wasn't completely honest with you from the beginning…and for that I am sorry. I only tell you this now because I care for you…and don't want you to waste your precious life with me. When we met at the sandbar last week, I was with a few of my friends at a Bachelor party…but I wasn't there looking to honk up with you…because I…prefer the company of males…black males. I'm sorry for the heartache that I may have caused you…and I knew after you told me that you had broken it off with the boat, that I had to leave…and I wish you the best in everything. You'll always have a special place in my honk…but we can never be. Sincerely, Gunther." Obviously Petra was devastated…and confused…and went into a deep depression. What has she done? What will she do now? Has she lost her chance at love? Well, on Friday, the zoo has arranged to take her back to be reunited with her always faithful paddleboat…and I expect a teary reunion…with lots of makeup honking. God, I watch too many cheesy movies.
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So Bayou Bob read up on his snake remedies…and decided that he would sell Snake Vodka to the masses. Unfortunately, he forgot one very important step - He doesn't have a liquor license. So the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission obtained a warrant for his arrest…and he surrendered peacefully…and ready to dispute the charges. Popplewell's defense is that it’s a healing tonic and not a beverage…and that he's never actually seen anybody drink it…but alcohol commission agent Scott Jones pointed out that investigators confiscated 429 bottles of snake vodka and one bottle of snake tequila…and at $23 a bottle, that's almost $10,000 worth of reptilian booze. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if that becomes a big souvenir thing for Texas. At twenty bucks a pop, I'd probably grab one…and not drink it…just have it up looking cool on my bar. Who needs a worm in a bottle of tequila when you can have a rattlesnake? Wicked awesome.
Prison Greeting Cards - Do you have a loved one in prison? Are you finding it hard to express just the right sentiment? A Los Angeles company may have the answer. Attorney / entrepreneur Terrye L. Cheathem noticed a market Hallmark wasn't serving and founded Three Squares Greetings, which provides cards for inmates. "With more than 2.5 million people incarcerated in the Unites States today, I saw that there was a tremendous need." Cheathem said she came up with the cards when her brother-in-law served 11 months in prison. She said she went searching for the appropriate greeting card, but couldn't find what she was looking for. "There weren't any cards on the shelf that said anything like, 'Hey, you must make better choices'. "This is one product no one wants to receive and no one wants to buy, but if you need it, it's there." Okay, so she's not the best marketer in the world…but she makes them up herself…and here are some of her signature Hallmark moments: "We are all praying for you while you do your time" or "You had the choice to be 'naughty or nice.' And you chose ... Oh well, now you have to do your time" Okay, not the best lines out there…or really even that reassuring…but here are some others that I'd try out (just gimme a cut, that's all I ask) and fellow bloggers, please feel free to throw in a few of your own:
- "Wish You Were Here" (Picture of a beachside barbecue with topless volleyball in the background)
- "Representin' for Both of Us" (Picture of his brother with inmate's wife…and girlfriend)
- "Still Haven't Found That One-Armed Man…But We're Trying"
- "So Is It True?" (Soap on a Rope)
- "Okay, so here's what I've got so far…" (Poor escape plan of the facility)
- "Takin' It To The Man, One Drop At A Time" (Urinating into a squad car's gas tank)
- "To Keep You Warm At Night" (Adriana Lima picture that JL Clyde gave me yesterday)
- "We Love You, Miss You, & Wish You the Best" (Basically the reason most of these things are written by hand anyway)
Gotta Love What You Do - Soraya Lowell is a 38-year old Scottish mother of four who makes a living by cleaning. Over Easter weekend, she won the National Bingo Game in the United Kingdom with the largest jackpot in the game's history of over a million British pounds (about $2.3 million). Her family is basically set for life now…but shockingly enough, she has no intention of quitting her day job. "I don't intend to give up my job. I like the girls I work with, and they have already said to me 'don't pack it in'. I haven't slept at all but I will be back at work on Tuesday as usual." It just goes to show that if you enjoy your job, then you'll never work a day in your life. There's a lot to be said for that. I mean, I enjoy my job for the most part (did a lot more a few months/years ago) because of the people that I work with & the fact that I can travel around the world at a fraction of the cost. Now, if I had just won a $2.3 million jackpot, would I return to work the next day? Yeah, more than likely. Depending on how early I had to be there, of course. Would I work there over the next few years? Possibly. They'd sure have to watch how the hell they treated me over that time…but they're good people. Would I work there if they took away travel and other benefits? I would sign my letter of resignation with a yellow-ink pen. Congratulations on your winnings, Mrs. Lowell. I wish you & your family nothing but the best…but it sounds like you're already off to a good start. To all the rest of you, I wish the same in the careers that you've chosen. Make that money, don't let it make you.
Anyway, that'll do it for me today. Have a great night everybody...and I'll see ya tomorrow.
2 comments:
I didn't know it was Quentin's birthday! I need to call him up ;)
You know, I heard a similar story about a man who won the lotto and kept his job at McDonalds. It's funny, but I think I would still want to work somewhere if I had a crapload of money (but not clean houses)
Agreed. You've gotta have something to fill your time, right? I'd certainly stay as a non-profit gigolo...but then I'd be able to work full-time. Or as an orgasm manufacturer...that's a fun hobby that could be a great job. I'm sure that there's a market out there for it. People like those things, right? Certainly as gifts for friends, at least. :)
Say hi to QT for me. :)
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