Bon Voyage, Bubbles!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Bubbles' going-away party last night was a LOT of fun. I met a lot of new people, had a few tasty beverages, and no shots were fired. Good times were had by all. I was oddly enough one of the first to arrive and last to leave…but that was a combination of my presence being requested early for personal goodbye time…and my car being trapped in by other vehicles once people starting showing up. No biggie. I had a good time…and drank plenty of water this morning…so it's all good. The Mad Scientist, From Russia with Love, and Brooklyn also made the event. Other than that, new people…but they were pretty cool for the most part. There was one interesting conversation…where the guy seemed cool and we eventually hit it off pretty good…but the conversation started something like "So you're into classic cars, I see" as he nods towards my 1988 Buick. I wasn't sure if he was trying to joke about my car being twenty years old (because I technically couldn't have given it booze) or if he was trying to be a jackass…but honestly he may have just thought it was an old Cadillac or something…so I went along with it. "Yeah, that's actually the new one. I have a '69 LeMans fully restored too…but it gets gallons per mile." From there, like most party conversations, we just BS'd about whatever while sipping on Hornsby's Crisp Apple Cider (I did anyway). Enough of that, here are some pictures…

Beautiful, snowy night made it an intimate affair

Bubbles & Cookie (another of my nicknames)

Me between From Russia with Love & Bubbles

Not a bad seat...

Always droppin' jaws when I walk in the room...

Cookie, Bubbles, & the Mad Scientist

We're all pretty drunk at this point

"To the best! Cheers!"

They do a mean Buddy Holly "Not Fade Away" cover

Mom, for the record, I'm not drinking,

I'm playing jugs for the backbeat

We'll miss ya, Bubbles!!!

This morning, I had an odd dream (drinking does that...but oddly enough, not concerning that last picture of Bubbles) where I was playing with kids that looked like my nieces a few years from now (it just felt that way) at a house by the side of a busy downhill freeway or something. We're playing in the front yard, kids riding tricycles, writing with chalk. You know, that stuff…then the wind really starts to pick up…and things are getting blown all around…like tumbleweeds and stuff. Then the wind gets stronger…and cars are starting to slip sideways and stuff on the freeway…which was really weird because people were hanging out of some of them cheering and chanting. When the cars start sliding, I tell the girls, "Come on girls, let's go inside. It's getting too windy." Then semis are driving by and getting blown about…so I run out and grab them and head towards the house. Then one semi seems to be gliding about ten feet off the ground on a wind gust…then goes straight up…and right back down in an explosion. "Holy crap!" So we run like hell for the house…where oddly enough, my dad is handing out life preservers…which seems odd…then it's like "Well, it's better than nothing, I guess." Then there's this low rumble with a crackling noise on top of it…and apparently that wakes me up…and I have a bit of a headache…so I get some water…and can't go back to sleep afterwards. So keep in mind I'm doing this entry on about three hours of sleep.

Watched some college basketball this morning…and there was a lot of good, close games between teams with different styles and gameplans…but you don't care about all of that, I'm sure. March Madness starts next week. I did also catch "Phone Booth" with Colin Farrell, Forest Whitaker, and Kiefer Sutherland on FX. I forgot how much I liked that movie. I had seen it when it comes on DVD originally because I heard it was okay…and I remember somebody telling me that Tom Hanks & Will Smith & others turned down Colin's part for one reason or another. So pure curiosity really. It's about a bullspitting publicist (Farrell) who uses a payphone on 8th Avenue in NYC to call his would-be mistress…but after calling her, immediate gets a call from a sniper…who plays games with him testing his willingness to confess his sins to loved ones…and everybody…and basically it ends up in a whole police stand-off situation…and it's actually a really good movie, that I think you should check out. I don't give it justice with my summary…but yeah. Even though Joel Schumacher directed it, check it out. Now for the news...

Sexbot Update - As you may be aware, I'm insanely curious about the progress of robots…particularly of the sexual nature. Is it because I plan on purchasing one in the near future? No…but it has been referred to as Plan D on occasion. However, whenever I read a technological update where robots are involved…my interest is peaked. For example, the El-E robot was unveiled in Amsterdam this week, has two lenses spaced together just like eyes, a slender 5 1/2-foot-tall body, and spurts out wacky catch phrases when it accomplishes its goals. Her focus is allegedly to interact with us and simply grabs stuff you point at with a laser. The robot's designer Charlie Kemp says "The entire world becomes a point and click interface. Objects become buttons. And if you point at one, the robot comes to grab it. It creates a clickable world." Sure, these robots may be currently used for those afflicted with nerve cell injuries like Lou Gehrig's Disease…but it's only a matter of time before one hand specializes in retrieving 12-ounce cans…and the other has a velvet or rabbit skin glove. We'll see how this clickable world is then. Oh…and those wacky catch phrases will probably need some minor adjustments too. "I got you a beer. This Bud's for you, big boy." Click remote in area of the groin. "I'm sorry, master. I'll grab you a cold one." "No, wait! I pushed the wrong button. ABORT!!! ABORT!!! AAAAAGH!!! LET GO!!!" I'm sure further studies will work those kinks out…possibly putting in a safe word or something. "PISTACHIO!!! PISTACHIOOOOO!!!"

Come On MyFacebook - Prostitution may be the oldest profession (beating out Pimpin' and Johnin' by a matter of minutes) but new technology is making it much easier to sell one's company without interference from John Q. Law…who I assume is the director of FBI or something. Apparently, they're using a lot of these MySpace, Facebook, and the plethora of singles websites (a.k.a. Junk mail) to meet prospective clients…and then it goes from there. There's also a lot of other sites that are a little more…direct than that (no questionnaire to fill out about whether or not you like kids, books, or reality TV). You can communicate with them before hand, learn their likes & dislikes (turn-ons & turn-offs), going rates for anything from handjobs to shaving your ass in a hot tub full of Pepto Bismol while your friend videotapes, and use PayPal to complete the transaction. There's even a rating system similar to eBay. That's actually one of my first references when I'm deciding on a date for the night…is the testimonial. "She REALLY knows what she's doing. Truly professional…and a master of her trade." Thank you, Ladiesman217!!! I'm glad that you approve. Now I can continue with my transaction. "That b**ch gave me crabs!!!" Wow, thanks for the heads up, Monkeyhammer53!!! Remove from My Cart. Anyway, these techniques obviously are a lot more effective than word-of-mouth or waiting to hear about an organization from CNN because of a Governor being a Rewards Member of sorts…so yeah, I'm not sure exactly why I mention it other than it was kind of interesting…and I like the pun-filled headline "Come On MyFacebook" because I'm twisted like that.

Napoleon Complex Is Real - Researchers at universities in the Netherlands and Valencia, Spain asked 549 Dutch and Spanish men and women to rate how jealous they felt, and to list the qualities in a romantic competitor that were most likely to make them ill at ease. Men generally felt most nervous about attractive, rich and strong rivals, but these feelings were increasingly relaxed the taller they were themselves. The more vertically challenged the man, the greater his feelings of jealousy. For women, what counted most in jealousy was the rival's looks and charm, but these feelings were less intense if the woman herself was of average height. Apparently, there's evolutionary reasons for this because of concepts like increased fertility, health, and popularity…but it's just another study showing that the Napoleon Complex is alive and well. My only advice is…guys, don't hate the playa, hate the game…and instead of getting a sportscar like a Ferrari Testarossa or Lamborghini Diablo, go for the Porsche or a Miata or something. They'll make you look bigger. Oh…and shave or something too…for the same reason. Anyway, for the girls, I really don't know how to help…other than maybe invite your fellow short friend to the equation…and maybe the two of you would be more attractive then the prospect of one average-sized woman. I don't know, I'd have to do the necessary research. Feel free to send me pictures to compare.

Crazy Chinese Witch - Apparently, a newlywed Chinese couple in the Hubei province, Wang & his wife Luo, fought a lot (and probably had makeup sex afterwards…at least, that's the American way). They were married on February 2nd…and on March 4th, they allegedly shared a bottle of liquor after a fight (always good to add alcohol to a fire). According to an official report, "At about 10 p.m., Luo watched her husband get into bed without cleaning or washing his feet. In a fit of anger and intoxication, she set fire to the sheet he was sleeping in. When he awoke, the two began fighting before a very drunk Wang collapsed. As fire engulfed the bedroom. Luo escaped to the living room, leaving her other half to burn." Yeah, so she's arrested now…and honestly, I hope that she burns…Salem style…but whatever. We shall see. As I was raised by the music of Pink Floyd, usually if one doesn't wash their feet, then they don't get any Pu Ding…which I assume is Cantonese for "happy fun sex" or something. This is going far above & beyond what a sane person would do.

Divine Intervention? - Lefkos Hajji of East London is going to propose to his girlfriend…and in an exceptionally clever way (in his mind), by concealing a $12,000 engagement ring in a helium balloon…with the idea that later he would pop the question, she would pop the balloon, he would pop wood, and she would have her cherry popped…or something along those lines. But as he left the shop, a gust of wind pulled the balloon from his hand and he watched the ring sail away over the rooftops. Hajji spent the next two hours in his car trying to chase and find the balloon, without success. "I felt like such a plonker. It cost a fortune and I knew my girlfriend would kill me. I thought I would give Leanne a pin so I could literally pop the question but I had to tell her the story -- she went absolutely mad. Now she is refusing to speak to me until I get her a new ring." That sucks, Hajji!!! It really does…but honestly…if a wind picks up for the sole purpose of keeping you from proposing to this woman…who won't speak to you after you told her that you bought her a $12,000 and trying to give it to her in a semi-romantic & thoughtful way…then I think you need to look at the signs…and drop that trick. I mean…coupled with my previous story about the Chinese lady…and her overreaction…that's my suggestions. I'm not a doctor…oh wait, yes I am. You need to cut her off. Even if you get that ring back (which I don't see happening), I say that if she doesn't want to talk to you, that's her loss. You'd be a plonker (whatever the hell that is) if you stayed with her. Just my suggestion though. I only know a few details. That's why I plan on proposing with a purple plastic spider ring from Nickelcade if the opportunity arises. If she says yes to that…then maybe she'll get a real one down the line. I don't want her to love me for my money. I want her to love me for me. Not because I'm tough like Dirty Harry…or make her laugh like Jim Carrey…wait, that sounds familiar for some reason. Damn you, Blessed Union of Souls!!! I've lost my point now.

Bennie & Betsy To Wed - Ralph Archbold is Philadelphia's best-known Benjamin Franklin portrayer. Linda Wilde portrays Betsy Ross, the woman credited with stitching the first American flag (though up to controversy). The star-crossed lovers met on September 1st after Wilde hired Archbold for a friend's wedding toast. Archbold had initially declined the gig but Wilde begged (always hot) and he relented. During the appearance, Wilde told Archbold about her interest in history and her desire to dress up (kinky). Archbold, 66, later called her in search of a last-minute Ross. "Think you can put together a costume?" he asked. She did, joining Archbold on a few outings, including the Thanksgiving parade. That turned into dating. Wilde, a pharmacist, is widowed. Archbold's first wife died, and he is long divorced from his second. No wedding date is set, but Sept. 1 looks serendipitous. It's not only the anniversary of their first meeting, but also the date in 1730 that Franklin and Deborah Read were married. Now that's a cute story. I just wanted to share that with you all…because I like Benjamin Franklin…and old people are kind of cute…at least until you remember that I mentioned something about begging & dressing up in a semi-sexual way…then you realize how easy it is to turn a cute story into a semi-creepy story that smells like mothballs. Anyway, congratulations to Ralph & Linda a.k.a. Bennie & Betsy. I wonder if George Washington will marry them…that'd be sweet. Johnny Tremaine could be the ring bearer. Thomas Jefferson would be the Best Man…and his baby's mama could be the Maid of Honor…oh it'll be such fun. I love history.

Well, that should do me for today. My Wingman starts the serious treatments tomorrow...on St. Patrick's Day...so please, be sure to include a toast to health, wealth, and more than yourself during your festivities tomorrow. Have a great day everybody!!! Celebrate fully & safely!!! Peace.