Update in the World of Dr. Love

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'd like to start off by wishing a Happy Birthday to my Stepdad. He's one of the nicest guys that I know. He takes a LOT of grief from my brother…but that's mainly because my brother's an inconsiderate asshole who doesn't appreciate anything most of the time. His son (my stepbrother) is also the same way most of the time. His family is…well, kind of crazy…but lucky him, he married my mom and makes her incredibly happy…so I make sure that he's happy whenever I can. Don't get me wrong, I still give him some grief about sleeping something like 20 hours a day and not working out & eating right like he should (overweight & diabetic) and procrastinating everything like paying bills…but he's a great guy and that's why I'm wishing him this Happy Birthday…because I'm sure that I'm one of the few people who will and he deserves to be recognized. Thanks for making my mom happy…and my suggestion is to keep making her happy…or else. Just playin' big guy. You rock!!!

Who else rocks & is celebrating a birthday today? HELLOOOOOO BROOKLYYYYYN!!! Yup, my buddy Brooklyn from various posts including Vegas is celebrating her birthday today…and in proper fashion with a Wednesday night party at Murphy's in downtown Slick City. Come one, come all…and don't forget to buy the birthday girl a beer. That's where I'll be as soon as I'm off work tonight. Ah memories of the two of us getting s**t faced in Vail, Scotland, and other drinking communities…okay, so the memories may not be there…but that's why we have cameras, right? Anyway, happy birthday Brooklyn!!!

Also, I have yet to congratulate my good friend Heater on accepting her new position within the company and moving to Cleveland. My apologies for not congratulating her in the blogosphere earlier. I blame it on repressing the situation and hoping that she would change her mind…but alas, she has already sold her house and is ready to move on with her life. It's another one of those bittersweet moments - sad that she's leaving but glad that she's got a good job and can support her family. Man, in the space of a week, most of the eye candy at my workplace left. Bubbles, JJ, Heater, Foxy (oh yeah, she's gone now too), and various others…all moving on…leaving me here with the Mad Scientist & Captain Monty to try and cheer me up. (Sigh) Oh well, congratulations Heater!!! We'll miss you!!! Say bye to Peanut & the Queen for me!!!

I'm super excited about this weekend…because I get to spend a lot of time with my friends. Tonight's Brooklyn's birthday bash at Murphy's and there will certainly be a few other cool cats there. Tomorrow, after work I'm hanging with my Wingman while he's in town. Friday, I'm donating blood in the morning…and then going to the Utah Symphony Video Games Live concert with JL Clyde (blood loss and people dressing up like Princess Toadstool should make it a trippy experience). Saturday, Bubbles & I are going to the Blaze game (by the way, she called in for the ticket last night). Sunday…I'll work…but it should still be cool…because I'm getting paid. Good times. Anyway, here's some news...

Once Upon A Time in Mexico - This is something straight out of a Robert Rodriguez movie. Mexican soldiers battling a violent drug gang and corrupt local police confiscated a sport utility vehicle decked out with extras worthy of a James Bond movie. Cartel members rammed their SUV into a military truck patrolling in the state of Tamaulipas and threw a hand grenade before making their escape with the help of local police. Following a shootout with the gang, soldiers said they arrested four municipal police and confiscated an armored Jeep Grand Cherokee equipped with a smoke machine and spike sprayer meant to deter pursuers. Soldiers also confiscated dozens of rifles, pistols and hand grenades, 3,000 of rounds of ammunition and $20,000 (like a billion pesos) in cash. Mexican President Felipe Calderon deployed thousands of soldiers and federal police to hot-spots across Mexico, where cartel violence has killed more than 300 people so far this year and left more than 2,500 dead in 2007. Soldiers busting drug smugglers in Mexico often uncover federal police uniforms, sophisticated radio equipment and even gold-plated pistols and assault rifles. That's right, there really are criminals that like to use the gold-plated pistols…probably inspired by Castor Troy too (Nicolas Cage in "Face/Off" for those of you who aren't geeks like me). Some people claim that violence is glamorized by Hollywood…but either the reports of all the soldiers are true accounts…or they all watched the same action movie marathon at the Tequileria afterwards. Como se dice "I can eat a peach for hours" en espanol?

Milla Update - While we're all waiting for my baby mama to drop out a gorgeous child…and the upcoming release of her latest movie "Azazel" directed by Paul Verhoeven, which is still in pre-production…in the meantime, the lovely Milla Jovovich will be starring in David Twohy's "A Perfect Getaway", a thriller from the writer / director that brought you "Pitch Black" and "The Chronicles of Riddick". The story revolves around a newlywed couple (Milla & Steve Zahn) on their honeymoon in Hawaii and run into two hikers (Timothy Olyphant of "Hitman" and Kiele Sanchez of "Lost") who turn out to be vicious killers. Sounds hot, right? No, not the psycho killer plot. The fact that she's playing newlywed to a fellow Steve. Why deny it, Milla? You know what you want…and it's waiting for you here in Utah. Did I mention that I'm a director too? That's right a director named $teve with Eastern European heritage. I'm your type. Just think about it…but don't take too long, okay?

Panda Update - Since my Panda Porn was introduced to the Chengdu Panda Breeding & Research Center during my visit nearly three years ago, the percentage of Pandas that can naturally have sex has risen (tehehe) from 10% to 30%. However, that's still not enough hot Panda action…and more importantly for them, baby making so that future generations will survive…even if we're not around to enjoy them. So when natural intercourse, artificial insemination, Panda eHarmony, encouraged breeding, pornography, interspecies erotica with hot Grizzly-on-Koala action, and "Panda Gone Wild: Sichuan Style" doesn't work, what's the next step to turning these prudish Pandas into p***y packin', ass-slappin' Kings of Indochina? A new "Sexercise" program!!! (Yet another idea that I had…but was rejected by 24 Hour Fitness) It starts with making male pandas walk on their two hind legs to strengthen their pelvic and hip muscles, to better prepare them for sex. This is achieved by luring them up with an apple, looking remarkably like a dance routine and is aimed to boost the animal's sexual stamina. They are also put through a fitness and sensory stimulation program. (I'm frankly a little curious about how that's done…but I’m picturing some of the hot, young Asian vets that bathe them 'stimulating' certain areas) In one experiment, a male panda is placed in a den normally occupied by a female panda, and vice versa, so that they can smell each other's odor. Not sure exactly how wise that is…since I have no fear in letting it rip in MY den…but that's because I have Febreze. I'm not sure if that stuff's exactly Panda strength. When the two show signs of wanting to have sex, they are placed in the same den. The report did not say if the experiment has been successful. Randy pandas are also showcased having sex in front of their inexperienced counterparts to show the latter how it's done. Hopefully, the randy pandas aren't the other panda's parents…because that'd be awkward…but there's so few randy ones out there, that may be a possibility…and probable cause for prudishness.

Anyway, long story slightly shorter, OUR job is being done on the Eastern Front…and if Pandas don't want our help, I think that a few of these experiments are actually pretty good ideas…and should be utilized for us humans. Sure, the porn thing has been done to death. Artificial insemination has done great things for some of my family & friends. Interspecies Erotica really doesn't do anything for me…but there's a certain market for it near the border apparently. I really think that the "Sexercise" program would really work out though. Basically that's all I see Yoga & Pilates as anyway. Heck, I even see Jazzercise as a "Okay, I only have five minutes before I have to head back to work. Make it quick!" workout plan. Anyway, I'll let you all know when I get my gym open…and until then, private lessons are available in reasonably priced packages (tehehe) and you can inquire through the comments section. As with any other workout plan, it may hurt a little bit at first, but once you feel that burn, you'll wanna work out three times a day. Call now, operators are standing by.

Well, that'll do it for tonight, I guess. Have a great night everybody!!! By the way, for more cool photos of San Diego, stop by my buddy Ruben's blog. Apparently my blog about San Diego a few weeks back inspired him and his wife Erica to go there for a few days. LOTS of great pictures. Have a great night...and be safe out there!!!