Things We All Like

"So...do you like...stuff?" Please raise your hand if you've every asked this question to break the ice...or fill dead space in a conversation. Really? Interesting. I'd be lying if I said that I've never used that provocative question say...during a date or something where my mind wasn't in the right place (in the gutter where I left it). However, it's hard to think of 'stuff' out there that we ALL like...but I've come up with a few that the vast majority like. Here are a few...but if you have more suggestions...feel free to add them to the list.

1. Music - There's a reason that every guy that has ever hit on you in any setting has asked you what kind of music you like. Sometimes they'll even say something stupid like..."Do you like music?" Of course, you do. Everybody does. You should throw a drink in his face for saying something so stupid. There's probably a sign by his house that says "Slow Children at Play" and it's talking about him. Boo this man. BOOOOO!!! Everybody likes music of some sort. Even the old timers that say "This music is CRAP!!! It's making my ears hurt." I'll bet that if you throw in some Bing Crosby they'll drift down Memory Lane...or what's left of it. That stretch of highway may be a little torn up but you can still skip on the sidewalks.


Also, just out of curiousity, have you ever told somebody that you really liked a band, but you really didn't particularly care for them, just so that you'd have something in common with them? If you have...shame on you. Now, don't get me wrong. It's understandable if...for example, they're really into 311 and you think they're okay...but not great. I mean every mood has its music. But if you're going on & on about how much you love David Bowie & you don't know who Ziggy Stardust is, just so you can get somebody's number...that's LYING!!! Besides, unless you're a master of trivial knowledge, you're probably going to get caught at some point...especially when/if you take them back to your place to see your Tool & Radiohead posters. "Do you have any eyeliner?" "What? Of course not." "(Gasp) You don't like David Bowie. POSER!!!" "Oh man..." Just be true to yourself. That's all I wanted to say about that. Music isn't everything. Honesty is pretty close though.

2. Compliments - Everybody likes to be complimented. "You're hilarious." "That blouse looks great on you." "Excellent breasts. Who's your surgeon?" "Your smile just brightens up my day. Thank you." See? We all like that kind of stuff. There are some people out there that look at every compliment with a magnifying glass. What angle are they playing? Are they being sarcastic? Is he just trying to sleep with me...or do I really have some nice tatas? Please just take every compliment with a smile, a "Thank you", and pay it forward with a compliment in return. "Why thank you. Dr. Mookie Love was my surgeon. That's a wonderful package you have there." "Thank you. My surgeon's name is Dr. God Almighty. What was your name again?"
3. Sex - Barring some horrible experience, the vast majority of people enjoy sex.....a lot. (Note: By 'a lot'...I mean that when it's being had, it's enjoyed a lot. Unfortunately, there are some of us out there that don't get to experience it a lot. I'm trying to change that...and when I'm running for public office, you'll see how.) I'm not going to go into detail as to why...but it involves a lot of nerve endings, synapses, endorphines, & other chemical reactions coming together to just make you feel good all over. Unless you like a bit of that kinky stuff, then it hurts good all over. Enough said...probably too much...

4. Chocolate - Except for the unfortunate people who have some kind of allergic reaction to it, this form of the cocoa bean is about as addictive as a form of the coca bean...but much more universally accepted. Its holy union with peanut butter is something of pure marital bliss. I've fantasized of taking a bath in melted chocolate...but then realize that it's probably very, very hot...and can get into some embarassing places...but I'm sure that you've all had these thoughts as well. So yeah...chocolate, right?

5. Travel - Aside for people that have a fear of the outdoors, (Agoraphobia - http://www.blifaloo.com/info/phobias.php, there are some pretty interesting ones) most people like to travel & experience new cultures or see new things. Sure, I have a job where I sit most of the day, but personally, I like to stand & walk...like Rory Calhoun (5 of Nikki's brownie points if you get the reference). I strongly suggest seeing the world if you ever get the chance. I understand the whole hierarchy of priorities...but still, if you have the option of going on a quick road trip to anywhere...instead of sitting at home & playing with yourself. (Note: By playing with yourself, I'm of course referring to playing computer games alone...and not those of the one-handed typing variety), I say go have an adventure in the Real Earth rather than the Middle Earth. The armies of Gundor will wait for you to return & lead them into battle another day.

The preceding was a brief list of things that I feel just about everybody likes. At the very least, you'll hopefully be able to start a conversation with somebody along the lines of "Wait. You like sex AND music? Whoa, we should hang out." Please let me know if you are morally opposed to any of these ideas...and add your own as you deem fitting. This was a list compiled late at night in the middle of a loooooong work day that will last until 5 PM tomorrow with a brief nap between now & then. Don't worry, I'll be fine as frog's hair...just like all my lady friends out there. You know who you are. That's right...you. Don't be shy. You know it's true. Fine, we'll just agree to disagree. Have a great day...and I'll see you bright & early tomorrow morning. Booyakasha!!!

P.S. Congratulations to my favorite team, the San Antonio Spurs on winning another championship. That's now four NBA championships in the last 9 years. It's a shame that you couldn't win championships back when I was rooting for you in high school...but congratulations, nonetheless.