Love 'Round the World

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,


World Domination Update - Well, I've had that ClustrMap thing for about three weeks now...and I think it's really cool that people all over the world have stopped by my blog...at least once...and then probably thought it sucked because there was too much babble about sports and not enough T&A. Believe me, I know...but I don't want to get fired...and I like to keep my blog clean...otherwise Big Blogger might cancel my site...and that would suck. Where are people blogging from? All over the United States (shout out to all the repeats in Utah, LA, Texas, Philly, etc.), Canada, Mexico, Venezuela, Brazil (Adriana Lima?), Chile, United Kingdom, France, Germany, Switzerland, Sweden, Finland, Greece, Turkey, India, Vietnam, Japan, Australia, and Tasmania. Awesome!!! Five continents down...two to go. If only my passport was as impressive...but I'm trying.


Career Report - So I haven't really looked into the radio thing...mostly because I've been out of town since I announced the idea...and partially because I fear rejection. However, it has come to my attention that there will be a management position opening up at my place of employment, and unlike past occurences, I may have a very good shot at this one. I'm a little conflicted though...because I've heard from other that it's a LOT more responsibility (which equals less blogging & more work) for about the same pay that I'm making for the first few years. There's also the fact that I wouldn't be able to date any coworkers...which may be a good thing since I'm trying to cut the habit...but that's like trying to give up fatty foods by sewing your mouth shut.


Okay, maybe not that bad...but have you SEEN some of the ladies that work where I do? If so, then you know. Oh well, it's not like I'm doing anything about it now anyway...and turnover's really high...so it'd only be a matter of time...ah forget it. That's not a con anymore. Am I the only one that makes a list of Pros & Cons when they make a decision? It's mostly because my short term memory is pretty hazy at best. I'm going to apply...so wish me luck...and I'll keep you posted. I can't wait for this to be said, "So...yeah, the next couple of months I'm ugh...going to be popping in & out of the country so...will that effect my training in any way?"


Great Prank from my Youth - Okay, so as a 17-year old jackass, I was looking for a job. I was strolling around the mall one day (cool kid that I was) and saw a sign out front of Victoria's Secret saying "Now Hiring - Midnight Stocker" and so I had an idea. I sent in an application and they called me in a few days later...and here's how it went down.


Interviewer: “$teve, what qualifications do you have that would lead me to believe that you are the right person for this job here at Victoria’s Secret?”


$teve: “Well Sir, I already have plenty of video & audio equipment, including low-light & motion-detection software. My father was a police officer for many years so I’m skilled in stealth movement, stakeout situations, any necessary…let’s say…manipulation of locking mechanisms and I have some experience in…”


Interviewer: “Woo, hold on a second. Why would any of this be necessary for taking lingerie out of a box & hanging it on display racks?”

$teve (a little confused): “I’m sorry. We seem to have a misunderstanding. I thought this was an interview for a Midnight Stalker position.”


Interviewer: “Yes, a Midnight Stocker. You know, stocking shelves, taking inventory and displaying it on the sales floor, during the midnight shift when the store is closed so as not to disturb the customers.”

$teve: “Oh!!! Oh my, I apologize. I thought you wanted me to videotape the models or something while…oh, I’m very sorry. I…I wouldn’t be interested in being a stock boy. (As leaving) By the way, we can ugh…we can just pretend this conversation never happened, right?”


The expression on his face was PRICELESS!!! However, Mastercard turned down my idea for the commercial. Something about being free, I'm sure. Oh well, plenty of ideas where that one came from.


Dallas is a GO!!! - The game tickets are legit, the plane tickets are bought (using my miles), the hotel is set up, my bags are still packed (sad but true), I think that I'm ready to go to Dallas and meet Brett Favre...and maybe some cheerleaders, who knows? Still waiting for some suggestions of what to do in Dallas, but that's why God invented the internet...so I'll probably be looking into that tonight. Besides, it's a few months away...and I have a few trips between now & then. Yippee!!! Football!!! Texas!!! YEEEEEEEE-HAW!!!


Death Proof - Okay, I've mentioned a few times how much I think this movie rocks...and still stand by it after seeing the extended release on DVD. This is more of a message for my Wingman & his Brown Bear (Mrs. Wingman). Okay, so when we watched it in theatres, Brown Bear wanted to leave...because we had basically tricked her into watching a three-and-a-half hour guy movie. So, to avoid my Wingman not getting laid that night, we left during the end credits despite quite possibly the catchiest end credit song that I had never heard of, "Chick Habit" by April March. As we were walking down the aisle, I mentioned to my Wingman, "Whatever happened to that cheerleader chick that was left with the hillbilly as collateral for the Challenger? They totaled that car...and were I that hillbilly, I would keep the cheerleader. I wonder if that's resolved after the credits roll."


Well, allow me to be the first to burst your bubble that it is NOT resolved after the credits roll...even in the extended version...but I suspect that Quentin is already aware of this & writing a spin-off called "Jasper & Lee's Wild Ride" where they fell in love after Jasper was surprisingly charming while his car was being destroyed...and his reaction is something like "That's okay, I've got an auto show for a garage" and reveals his souped-up muscle cars. So no hard feelings, Lee stays in Lebanon, TN with Jasper and then she finds out his startling secret...that at night, when he says that he's tending to the chickens, he's actually fighting crime in rural Tennessee Mad Max style...and bringing the law to the lawless...and she wants in. With her years of modern dance & tap, she's a natural crimefighter...and carries large guns just in case. I know what you're thinking. Damn, I'd go watch that movie...maybe even twice. Well, Quentin. I'm sorry to reveal your secret prematurely...but this is my insurance policy so that you don't try to schiest me out of my cut...again (I helped write his section of Four Rooms...but it wasn't the pinky). Anyway, there you have it.


Do you think that's enough BS for one day? Me too. Maybe I'll get back to doing my job...and typing up my resume & cover letter for this new managerial position. Wish me luck...and if you have any advice for the interview, I'd LOVE to hear it. I'm usually very charming...but humble. (Gasp) Have a great night...and I'll see you around tomorrow...well, virtually speaking.