Friday, September 21, 2007

World News Update with Mookie Love

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Not much has happened since we last spoke...except I got con'd into working late again. The lady who was supposed to work wasn't feeling well...and I have no social life (sigh) so I'm covering for her...because I'm a sucker. Speaking of sucker, I'm going to be donating blood again tomorrow morning before my shift. I'll let you know how that goes. Other than that, just trying to make my resume & cover letter stand out...and that's hella lame...so let's check out the news...

Seven Year Itch - Germany - Bavarian politician Gabriele Pauli has suggested that marriages should last just seven years...and then the couple has the option of extending it another seven years...or going back into the free agent market. Why seven? Why not? Seven sins. Seven dwarves. Marilyn Monroe's "Seven Year Itch", it's a nice round number...but not exactly round. Anyway, back to the point. Her reasoning is that "The basic approach is wrong...many marriages last just because people believe they are safe." Interesting point. Being twice-divorced herself, she has a LOT more experience in the field than I do...but I can see her point. However, I would like to add my own little spin on that too...by saying that if the marriage ends after seven years, then you leave with the assets that you came into the marriage with. It's a bold idea...and I hope that people would consider the contract extensions...if'n it passes the legislation...but I wouldn't hold my breath.

My favorite part about this story...check out the picture on her website. She strikes a pose with her Ducati motorcycle. Now that's a politician that you can trust. A middle-aged redhead standing up for women's rights in a male-dominated society of Nazi offspring Catholic conservatives? I don't care what you say, that's hot.

Amsterdam Update - Netherlands - No, this isn't an update on my future trip there...but rather a news flash about a third of the Red Light District's prostitution establishments are becoming condoms...sorry, CONDOS. Freudian slip, I guess. One of the major male-madames of Amsterdam has sold his enterprise to a real estate company and thus the Red Light District seems to be fading away...like the city of Venice. So go check both out while you still can. For soon, you may not be able to roll up a fattie on the back of a Dutch lover as you both gaze out the window at the Anne Frank House in orgasmic bliss for much longer. Just a heads up...

Sumo Wrestling Ain't for the Ladies - Japan - As many of you know, I'm all for women in sports (see crushes on Sue Bird, Svetlana Abrosimova, Martina Hingis, Gabrielle Reece, any figure skater or gymnast, etc.) but if there was ever a sport were women were FORBIDDEN, it's sumo wrestling. Apparently, there was kind of a big deal when a women carrying flyers reading "Help, bad spirits" rushed a sumo ring moments before a match. This is strictly forbidden. So much so that, in 2001, a female governor of Osaka had to delegate prize-giving duties to a male subordinate. Now, I can understand no women COMPETING in sumo wrestling (you wouldn't watch it either, don't lie) but I guess it's tradition or something...and you can't hate on that...right? I thought so. Anyway, I think I've mentioned this before...but I like watching sumo tournaments. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the fact that it's two large guys slamming & slapping the hell out of eachother...but it's entertaining...and if I see it on ESPN, I have to watch until the end. Maybe that's how Big Brother tracks me, but I don't care. It works...like women's volleyball.

God Gets An Attorney - Heaven - Okay, a few days ago, I told you about the Nebraska Senator suing God. Well, God has hired legal council now...and it's ambulance chaser Eric Perkins of Corpus Christi, Texas. His claim - "Defendant denies that this or any court has jurisdiction over Him any more than the court has jurisdiction over the wind or rain, sunlight or darkness." So...what you're saying is God only exists as precipitation and photons? I thought I was going to Hell...see you there Mr. Perkins. Yeah, so this is just ridiculous now...and I'm done with it. Hopefully this doesn't make it out of small claims court because if they couldn't find jurors for O.J.'s latest...imagine how tough it's going to be for this one.

Home Team Woes - Russia - Andrei Kirilenko (owner of the coolest nickname in sports "AK-47") of the Utah Jazz is reportedly ready to forsake $63 million left on his contract to go play in Russia. I can understand the man leaving. He has a beautiful wife who's a famous Russian pop star, millions of dollars, and he can gladly retire back to his homeland. You can't hate on that. He apparently also feels that he's not being used to his full potential and has had his problems with coach Jerry Sloan. Maybe he just wants to be traded to a four-time NBA champion team like the San Antonio Spurs. If he decides to go home, then I'd like to offer to take Andrei's place on the squad...and I'll do it for $630,000. We're both a lanky two meters tall (I might even have more muscle mass), can handle the rock, splash an open three pointer, & are shot-blockin' fools. At one percent of his current contract, you're getting a STEAL...and I have no problem with riding the bench if needed...but I think after a few practices, you'll find a spot for me. I even think that coach Jerry Sloan is a basketball genius...and I'm an old school, hard-nosed (broken so many times) kind of player with a little flash to get the crowd in there too. Anyway, holla...

Anything else? If so, I'll just blog about it tomorrow when I'm here at work...again. Wish me luck with the blood donation. I'll let you know if anything else cool happens. Have a great weekend!!!

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