Late Night Mystery

Good Evening...or rather morning now,


I just spent the day with my brother...and it was kind of fun as it usually is. I watched him go online & cap fools on "Rainbow Six Vegas", see the actual 3-D fetal photos of his son, see the nieces & sister-in-law, and watched "Final Destination 3" to complete one of the silliest horror trilogies ever. If any of you have seen these movies, you know exactly what I'm talking about. My favorite horror movie death of all time...is from the original Final Destination, when in the middle of a BS dramatic argument, the curly hair blonde girlfriend played by Amanda Detmer says "You can all just drop dead!!!" WHAAAAMMM!!! Bus flies in screen left going 60 MPH on a residential road (through construction with heavy machinery if you rewind it four seconds earlier) and several seconds after impact...you hear the brakes are finally hit. Who was driving the bus? Stevie Wonder? The sad thing is...all the deaths in the trilogy are like that. It's like a test to see just how far you're willing to stretch your logic meter until it snaps like a button-fly at a strip club.


I also realized that I had driven home from his house...and didn't even really think about it. I hope that I'm not the only one that kind of goes into that zen-like state of Spiritual Balance when they drive, have Jack Johnson playing on the radio, and just kind of zone out, letting your subconscious drive you home. Hopefully, I'm not freaking you all out by saying that when I drive the freeway my mind is on other things...because my eyes are certainly on the road. If I see something out of the ordinary (like a dog crossing the road or a badunkadunk with her thumb out), then I switch back. It's just I'm not fingers gripped to the steering wheel, sweating profusely, eyes straining to read every single license plate cover, etc. Anyway, it's a mystery how & why that happens...and that leads me to my next little movie blurb...


"Whodunnit?" Movies


Medal Winners


Gold - Usual Suspects (1995) - All three medal winners were really really close but I gave it to the Usual Suspects...because it really had me fooled. I like a good murder mystery that keeps me alert & guessing. Being the son of a former cop, it's usually a little difficult but it's great to find a movie that does. Kevin Spacey, Gabrielle Byrne, Benecio Del Toro, Chazz Palmenteri, EVEN Stephen Baldwin did a good job in this movie. I don't want to tell you too much because it's just so good...and I don't want to give anything away. The director Bryan Singer was good enough for X-Men. If that doesn't convince you, I don't know what will. "Kaizer Soze!!!"


Silver - Memento (2000) - A detective suffers a brain injury during an attack in which his wife is murdered. The injury causes him to have the memory of a goldfish...but he's a detective...and he's on a quest to find the murderer(s) of his wife. Guy Pearce, Carrie Anne-Moss ("The Matrix chick"), and Joey Pants all give a great performance in this Christopher Nolan masterpiece. Watch it...and then watch it again...and again...and again...and not because you have the memory of a goldfish. By the way, the picture on the left isn't really in the movie...but it came up with a search...and I thought it was a nice touch. "Remember Sammy Jankis."


Bronze - Se7en (1995) - A serial killer is terrorizing New York by murdering people in accordance with the seven deadly sins of Christianity (damn crazy Jesus freak?). An aging veteran detective (Morgan Freeman) & his scraggly hunk of a partner (Mr. Angelina Jolie) take on the case and try to hunt him down. Though it has been parodied on Robot Chicken starring the Smurfs, it's a great movie. Also starring noted bad baby namer Gwyneth Paltrow as the wife of the younger detective.


Suggestion - Chasing Ghosts (2005) - Do you like Michael Madsen? Of course you do. How about Gary Busey? Hell yeah. Meatloaf? I would do anything to see him in a movie...but I won't do that. Danny Trejo? Michael Rooker? Shannyn Sossamon? This ensemble of B-level actors make up this great "Whodunnit?" movie. You get plenty of Michael Madsen smoking cigarettes, Danny Trejo being tough, and Gary Busey is a druglord. You want more? How about a topless Shannon Sossamon AND a twist ending like something from a good M. Night Shamalamadingdong movie? You got it...at your local movie rental dealer.


Flush It - Angel Heart (1987) - Remember in my last entry when I was talking about Lisa Bonet smearing herself with a dead chicken? This was the movie that I was talking about. I talked about it in an earlier entry too somewhere...but that was actually one of the better parts. The only reasons to watch it are: A) Lisa Bonet is super duper hot!!!; B) See Mickey Rourke before the accident; C) See Robert DeNiro make the 2nd worst decision of his career by playing Louis Cyphre (Geez, wonder who he could REALLY be?). Oh...and the worst decision of his career was "Rocky & Bullwinkle" if you were wondering.


Future Watch - Se7en 2 (2010) - In Disney's neverending quest to capitalize on the money-making possibilties of both our youth & adult nostalgic markets, they will produce a sequel to Se7en through Dreamworks. It may have to be CGI or something...but the detectives will try to solve the mysteries of suspiciously linked murders in a rural community outside of Washington D.C. The first victim was forced to overdose on sleeping medication. The second victim was given nitrous oxide until they suffered a brain hemmorrage. The third victim has tied to a bed in a room where fresh pepper was slowly ground on his face, causing them to sneeze until their head literally exploded. "What does it mean, detective?" "Don't you see? Victim #1, Sleepy. Victim #2 - Happy. Victim #3 - Sneezy. There are all one of the Seven Deadly Dwarves. We're dealing with the Snow White Killer." "My...GOD!!!"


On that note, I'm going to say good night...and God help us all!!!