Blogging 101 - Intro to Boredom

Hello again Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, I'm done with my laundry, dishwashing, and cleaning up around the house...and then watched a funny movie. It's called "The Ex" (aka Fast Track outside US)and has the hilarious Zach Braff ("Scrubs"), Jason Bateman ("Arrested Development"), and Amanda Peet. The story is...well who really cares? It's Zach Braff, Jason Bateman, Amanda Peet, Charles Grodin, Amy Poehler, Paul Rudd, Donal Logue ("Tao of $teve" - Inspiration for my website speech about $teve's just below my blog title), Romany Malco, and others. It's a laugh fest...and don't forget the special features. If you don't like it, Moushiwake arimasen.

You may be asking yourself, "You have no life, do you?" Perhaps. Then you may be asking yourself, "What's he going to do when he's done blogging...on a Friday night...being in his sexual prime?" That's a good question. Easy answer - Nothing. More specifically, he going to watch "Unbreakable" with Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson...starring in it, not actually WITH them. That would be kind of awkward...but still cool.

$teve: "This is a pretty cool movie guys. A little slow...but whatever. What was it like working with M. Night Shyamalan?"

Bruce: "It was pretty cool. I made a bet with him about Sixth Sense being a flop...and I lost...so I was obligated to do another movie. He tricked me by telling me it was a Superhero movie...then he cut out most of the stunts & all the explosions and one-liners in the final cut. I was appaled at the premiere. But the check cleared & I got good reviews. So whatever, right? Luckily I had this one & not the Village."

$teve: "No doubt. How's your beer, Mr. Jackson?"

Sam: "PRETTY GOOD, MOTHERLOVER!!!"

$teve: "Awesome. How did you like doing this movie?"

Sam: "Brother, I'm in EVERY movie. Check it out. Snaps, I was in Goodfellas? I don't remember that. True Romance? Oh yeah, I talked about eating (kitty). Then I was blasted with a shotgun. Hahaha, Deep Blue Sea. Worst death ever. We had malfunctions with the shark so we had to do that speech take five times. Here's my resume. Bend at the knees."

With that point made, you may be asking yourself, "Why didn't he do one of those stupid movie lists like he's done the past week on his 100th Blog Extravaganza?" It was early...and I just didn't think of it honestly. So here's my opinions on the extensive movie list for this fine American actor...and his badass character names...but nothing will top the "Do the Right Thing" character, Mister Senor Love Daddy.

Samuel L. Jackson Movies

Medal Winners

Gold - Pulp Fiction (1994) as Jules Winfield - This movie made him a star...and Quentin Tarantino makes good movies. Period. "Jackie Brown" was really good too...but this is one of those movies that I can watch over & over (and have a few dozen times) and it's very entertaining every single time. Ezekiel 25:17. Come on now, you all know the speech. I think that Samuel L. Jackson is a throwback to the Blaxploitation era of movies...and I love those damn movies. Ergo, I enjoy the works of Mr. Jackson.

Silver - The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) as Mitch Hennessy - Husband/wife combination Renny Harlin & Geena Davis along with writer Shane Black made up this action-packed thrill ride...and I love me some explosions & female heroinnes. What could make it any better? How about a smooth dick (private investigator) who gets dressed singing a Blues song, like I do now. "Dun du du du dun, so fresh & so cleeean. Dun du du du dun, slidin' oooooon my socks. Dun du du du dun, puttin' on my silky boxers...tryin' not to SNAP THE BAND ON THE ROCKS!!!" Anyway, check out this movie. It rocks.

Bronze - A Time to Kill (1996) as Carl Lee Hailey - You thought that I wouldn't throw in a movie where he actually acted, didn't you? Well, 1996 was a good year for him. "The Great White Hype" almost made the list too. This is one of those John Grisham courtroom novel adaptations...and it was directed by Joel Schumacher, so if you've boycotted him because of the whole "Batman & Robin" thing (more on that in a later blog) then you've been forewarned. Great ensemble cast with Matthew McConaughey, Sandra Bullock, Kevin Spacey, the Sutherlands, Ashley Judd (oh God, thank you for "Norma Jean & Marilyn), and a slew of others.

Suggestion - Formula 51 (2001) as Elmo McElroy - You probably missed this one. Robert Carlyle & Meatloaf are in too. Basically, Elmo was imprisoned for thirty years for being a black chemist, now he's out & has the recipe for the perfect drug, Formula 51. Now, he's going to sell it to the highest bidder...and retire to his homeland of Scotland to play golf. Oh yeah, he wears a cult during the entire movie...but he's Sam Jackson, so he can do it.

Flush It - Snakes on a Plane (2006) as Neville Flynn - Seriously, even the character's name is stupid. Neville Flynn? You had better have made SO MUCH money that you can retire comfortably with this one. Oh, I can't say much. I would have done it. Why? I like money...and movies. With something like this, I can make both. Besides, Mr. Jackson had a reputation to keep...of being in EVERY movie...even the P.O.S. ones.

Future Watch - Iron Man (2008) & The Spirit (2009) - Okay, I question making Mr. Jackson the comic book character Nick Fury (primarily because he's caucasian in the comics) but if anybody could play a character with a name like Nick Fury, it's Samuel L. He's definitely going to be better than David Hasselhoff, right? "The Spirit" is what Frank Miller has decided to do before Sin City 2...so I'm hoping that gets done quickly so that he can continue with the Sin City novel adaptations. I'm sure that "The Spirit" will be good...but I'm weary...only because his character name is The Octopus. Remember Neville Flynn. Okay, I'm done for the night now everybody. Have a great weekend!!!

P.S. Also, I'd like to see another Shaft movie. Is that too much to ask? Probably.