David Caruso in Jade

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

And now, a dramatic scene from the classic movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and action...

Cal: "Be kind of a dick. Be...be David Caruso in 'Jade'!"
Andy: "I know EXACTLY what you mean."
Cal: "Okay, go plant that seed. Plant that seed with your finger."

Everytime that I see that movie, I laugh hysterically at that part...because I've seen my share of CSI: Miami and David Caruso...acts like kind of a dick...but I had never seen 'Jade' before. Well, that changed last night. I had seen the preview a lot back when it first came out...but being a young buck had never cared to see it. Well, I was in the mood for a murder-mystery thriller and it had finally showed up through Blockbuster Online, so I watched it. Caruso plays a San Francisco assistant DA who's investigating the murder of a local millionairre...and it leads into a twisted world of sex, money, & power. Who else is in this movie? How about Chazz Palminteri (Usual Suspects), Linda Fiorentino (Men in Black), Angie Everhart (Bordello of Blood), and Michael Biehn (Terminator). I was hoping this might be a movie where Michael Biehn didn't fire off a shot...and I would finally find a movie where he isn't an action star...but he played a cop...and shots were fired. Maybe next time.

This movie was actually pretty intense at most points. There's a few kick-ass scenes where Caruso's brakeline is cut...in San Francisco, a magnificent chase scene through Chinatown and all over San Fran, gruesome murders (implied actual violence), and people being thrown through stuff...and in between, that dramatic thriller stuff where you think "Did he do it?" "Did she do it?" "They don't have an alibi. Book 'em Horatio...er David." Anyway, it's worth a look if you haven't seen it yet. Oh yeah...and Angie Everhart says that she prefers girls mostly in an interrogation, then I zoned out for a few minutes, but I don't think I missed anything important.

I'm doing an early blog today...because I'm not going to be able to at work today...and I'm anxiously awaiting Best Buy to open so that I can get my copy of Season 2 of "Drawn Together" FINALLY!!! If you haven't seen Drawn Together, you owe it to yourself to satisfy your sick sense of humor and watch it. Also, "Knocked Up" comes out today. Oh yeah...and some Nicholas Cage movie...but I don't care what people tell me, he's not that hot. He looks like he could use a nap or something. He usually sounds like he just got back from the dentist's office or something and the novacaine hasn't worn off yet. Come back to that, Bubbles!!! Anyway, today's celebrity birthdays are quite extensive.

Catherina Zeta-Jones (38) - Michael Douglas must be one charming son of a Spartacus. How else could that geriatric pull in a lady like this. Great actress though. I really like "Intolerable Cruelty" and of course, the Zorro movies. Giggidy.

Will Smith (39) - Is "I am Legend" a remake of Vincent Price's "Last Man on Earth"? I can't seem to find an answer on that. Anyway, happy birthday to the Fresh Prince. I wonder if he still hangs with DJ Jazzy Jeff.

Scottie Pippen (42) - Bonus points to anybody who knows where Scottie Pippen went to college without googling it. More if you can tell me which team drafted him...and who he was traded to the Bulls for. Really? No other sports trivia nerds out there? Fine, go ahead and google it. Some may say that he's overrated and just happened to be on a team with Michael Jordan at the right time...and I might be right...but still, he was a good player...but 50 Greatest of All-Time? Did you see him during the Blazer and Rocket years?

Heather Locklear (46) - Really, 46? Is it plastic surgery? Voodoo? Genetics? Camera tricks? Deal with Satan? What is it that keeps her so gorgeous? She could still star as herself in the new TV movie "Cops in Crisis: The T.J. Hooker story" on FOX. Okay, there's really not a TV movie about the making of T.J. Hooker...but William Shatner is hilarious...and Heather Locklear is hot.

Mark Hamill (56) - I love it when a celebrity is able to poke fun at himself (like Adam West). He's an accomplished voice actor since his Luke Skywalker days. He appears on "Robot Chicken" all the time...and is the voice of the Joker on most Batman cartoons. However, he'll always be remembered as that whiny teenager from Tattoinne who blew up the Death Star and was 'this close' to banging his sister. Thank goodness that Han Solo saved him from that.

Michael Douglas (63) - Holy shit!!! They have the same birthday? My God, it's starting to make more sense. He'll always remember Catherine's birthday...at least until the Ahlzheimer's kicks in full throttle...early 2009. I'm just playing. He's really a great actor back in the day...and I was raised on "Romancing the Stone" and learned a very important lesson from that movie. The T stands for Trustworthy. Still, he was celebrating his 25th birthday when his wife was born. Now, I've dated my share of girls younger (and older) than me, but come on!!! He's not a rock star. Is he? Who knows? Maybe...somewhere out there...there's a 17 month old daughter out there that will marry me for my money and publicity...in about 17 years. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, have a great day...and I'll see you tomorow. Same bat time...same bat channel...okay, the time'll be different...so use your VCR or DVR or whatever. Bye.