Start of Something Special

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

I just wanted to take a brief moment to say howdy before going to hang out with my brother for the afternoon...because I'm apparently his only friend...and I think that he may be half girl (as we all are genetically, but just go with me for moment). I only say this because whenever I'm supposed to meet up with him to do something...and it's my idea, then he's usually somewhere between 30 minutes to 8 hours late...if he shows up at all. Thanks for helping me move by the way, bro (He said sarcastically). However, he gave me a call this morning around 10:10 AM (I was in the shower because I like to get a full 8 hours and woke up around 10 AM) to see if I was on my way. Now, he talked to me until I went to bed at 2 AM...and I said that I'd head down around noon...and yet (mind you, he's not on the East Coast but Ogden) he calls to see if I'm on my way...because he's already lonely. He's got a wife and 2.3 children. Out of the two of us, who's the more lonely? The only contact that I have outside of work is through this blog and the occasional text message to my friend Lindsay Lohan to see how she's doing. Better by the way, in case you were wondering.

Anyway, here's more information about my brother than you cared to know...but I've already posted it on MySpace, so I figured that I'd share with rest of you who haven't ventured into that perverted wasteland of social gathering...yet. I still think you should at least check out mine...if not just for the silly videos. Anyway, here's a questionairre about my Number One...my Brother...my Kiel.

1) What's their name?
Kiel

2) Where did you meet them?
Ogden, UT

3) What age were you when you met them?
Two years...and he was about twelve hours old

4) Is this person one of your friends?
No, he's my brother. We share genes & jeans.

5) Say something that only makes sense to you and that person.
"CAPTAIN POWER...AND THE SOLDIERS OF THE FUTURE!!! POWER ON!!!"

6) Is this person older than you?
No. Didn't we go over this?

7) When was the last time you saw this person?
In the flesh, about two weeks ago.

8) Do you miss them?
Not really. He calls me every day.

9) Are you related to this person?
Kind of...we have the same father & mother, physical features, and we hang out at the same parties around the holidays...

10) Do you have nicknames for each other?
I call him Li'l Bitch...and he calls me Mas'ah. It's been that way for years. He's a good kid.

11) Is that person bringing sexy back?
When it comes to the Kondrick Brothers, sexy never left.

12) Do you think this person will repost this?
Probably not. He's not into this stuff.

13) Why is this person #1 on your top friends?
He's my brother. Why does it seem like the same question over & over again? Is it me? Does anybody out there have a story like "They took a bullet for me in 'Nam?" I doubt it...but hey, prove me wrong.

14) Have you seen this person cry?
I plead the fizzith. Some of you tricks out there are just pure evil. That's all I'm going to say. Probably not anybody reading this...but you know who you are.

15) Do you know this persons last name?
I even know how to spell it correctly.

16) Do you tell them a lot about your life?
Only if he asks. Usually he does most of the talking. He's got a family. Speaking of which, he finds out tomorrow if the new baby's going to have an inny or an outty. I'm gonna be an Uncle again y'all. (P.S. It's an outty as I posted a few days ago.)

17) Doing anything with them tonight?
He'll probably call & we'll talk about Alien vs. Predator 2 and PS3s and jibber jabber about that.

18) If yes, what??
Okay, seriously. Why not conjoin this with the above question? It just makes sense. If I wanted to give yes or no answers, they probably wouldn't be funny.

19) Would they date you?
He doesn't swing that way. I don't care what happened in that Minneapolis Airport. Then again, we do go to a lot of movies together...and we have shared a meal or two...and I sleep over at his house once in a while...and there was that one time...JESUS CHRIST!!! My brother wants to bang me!!!

20) Do you love this person?
Back on a serious note, yes, I love my Li'l Bitch.

21) What's something this person is obsessed about?
He likes anime for some reason. He'll talk for hours about playing online on his PS3 too. He may have a problem. He also loves muff diving. I think it's genetic.

22) Does this person make you laugh?
Whenever I'm feeling down, I can just think to myself, "At least I'm not Kiel. HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!!!" and I'll keep laughing for about 5-10 minutes usually. You rock bro!!! I'm just busting your balls...

Something Special...like Short Bus Special - After all that lovey dovey stuff about my brother, let me bring you back to the most important topic of discussion...Me. As it is known, I am a big of a huge movie geek...and have seen a lot of good movies...and a lot of bad movies...but I realize that some of you out there may not have time (social life) to see all these movies. Therefore, I thought I would start...along with my occasional reviews of movies that I've seen since the last blog...to include a quick guide to movies of a specific genre that I think you should be aware of.

To elaborate, I will give my three favorite movies in that genre (Medal Winners), a movie that you probably haven't seen but I think that you should (Suggestion), the worst movie in that genre (Flush It), and a future movie or idea that I look forward to in that genre (Futurewatch). Let it be known that these are my opinions alone...and I may have forgotten some movies along the way, so please voice your opinions in comments...and you may get a shout-out on a future entry. For my example today, I think that I will start with a bang...and go straight for the Comedy Genre...so here we go...

Comedy Movies

Medal Winners

Gold - The Big Lebowski (1998) - This Coen Brothers Classic featuring Jeff Bridges as "The Dude" and great performances by John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, Julianne Moore, John Turturro, Flea, Peter Stormare, & Philip Seymour Hoffman among others is a laugh riot. If you haven't seen the movie yet, PLEASE do yourself a favor...and come check it out at my house for FREE. It's quite possible the single most pivotal movie of the 20th century...and I'm not overstating it at all. Okay, maybe a little...but still. What do you think Mr. Lebowski? "I'm not Mr. Lebowski. I'm...the Dude. Or His Dudeness, Duderama, if you're not into that whole brevity thing." My apologies. Dude, what do you think? "That's like...your opinion, man." Yes, yes, it is.

Silver - 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) - This movie has a bit of a special meaning to me...because I watched it for the first time just a few weeks after disqualifying myself from the sequel...with the lady who helped me out. Thanks, by the way. Directed by Judd Apatow and starring Steve Carell, Seth Rogan, Paul Rudd, Catherine Keener, and just about every funny person that you've never heard of, it's a heartwarming tale about a man who just gave up on getting laid...and now his coworkers are on a mission to help him out. Men will laugh hysterically throughout...and women will giggle and wonder if that's really what guys are like. They are.

Bronze - Liar Liar (1997) - Really anything done by Jim Carrey that's actually funny was pretty close...but this movie is constant laughter throughout...and has a message of being a good parent & dependable...and not lying all the time...or ever I guess was the idea...but it must have missed me. How can one man kick his own ass so sufficiently? The man is an incredible comedic specimen. May he live to be a thousand years old.

Suggestion - Idiocracy (2006) - Many of you are asking, "Where's Office Space in your top three?" Let me tell you, it was pretty close...but if you liked Office Space, you'll thoroughly enjoy Mike Judge's "Idiocracy" starring Luke Wilson. It's about a man who gets cryogenically frozen for 500 years and wakes up in the year 2505 after many generations of only stupid people breeding (better elaboration done in opening minutes of the movie) so he awakes as the Smartest Man in the World and has to save them from dying off. It's a lot funnier than it sounds. Trust me. You won't regret it.


Flush It - Jane Austen's Mafia! (1998) - I love the Abrahams/Zucker movies. "Airplane!", "The Naked Gun" trilogy, "Hot Shots!", the last few "Scary Movies", all parts of my collection, but this movie was just awful to sit through. I just remember walking out of the theatre thinking "I can never get that time back now...and I wasted it watching Jay Mohr be a retarded Al Pacino. What have I done?" Oh yeah, I went to see it at a theatre too. Back then, I was only out $4. Now, I would have to steal something from the theatre because I'd waste a good $40 or so to see it in 3-D on a date and get popcorn or something. Stop inflation at the theatre...or legalize piracy. Your move, Hollywood!!!

Future Watch - Get Smart (2008) - Growing up, I loved the old TV show "Get Smart" and the movies that along with it...and even Inspector Gadget which was very similar...but 2-D. Now, Steve Carell gets to portray Maxwell Smart and his bumbling secret agent antics...with a cast also featuring the lovely Anne Hathaway (Watch "Havoc"), the Rock (that's right, I still call him the Rock), Terence Stamp ("KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!"), and others. I can't wait...but I'm sure that I'll have to.

Anyway, that's my first installment into this idea. Let me know what you think & if I should continue to do so. The categories will change depending on my feelings as well. One day, you may have "Kick Ass Kung Fu", the next you may have "Romantic Comedies that I Wouldn't Lose on Purpose", later that week you may get "Milla Jovovich is Carrying My Child...in some dimension", and then when you tell me to stop, I may pull out a list like "Frontal Nudity - The Good, the Bad, & the Lisa Bonet Smearing Herself with a Dead Chicken."

Have a great weekend everybody!!!