Time Travel

If you could go back in time, what would you do? A question that's asked a lot...and usually answered. Now I'm no rocket scientist...though I did study to be a Mechanical Engineer for a few years...but the concept of time travel has always fascinated me...and yet, I can't seem to grasp a logical way of doing it. I've read briefly about Einstein's theories & some other great minds & how with enough force or something about 'worm holes' and stuff like that, it's theoretically possible...or something, but rather than focus on what I would do in the past (drink with the Founding Fathers, bet on Buster Douglas, go to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance with my mother, etc.), I'd like to think about the many modes of transportation into the past that have been offered over the years. Here are some of my favorites.


1. DeLorian - Yes, I've probably watched the Back to the Future trilogy too many times (the original probably in the thousands, I kid you not) but to be honest, I can't think of a more stylish way of getting back in time than cruising in a stainless steel vessel powered by Mr. Fusion & the Flux Capacitor, which makes time travel possible...but never clearly explained how except that it requires 1.21 Jigawatts. Can you imagine the sound system in a car with a battery like that?

2. Telephone Booth - It's so simple, even Keanu Reeves can use it...and that other guy. In a matter of a few hours (remember to turn your watch back), you can sing Kansas lyrics with Socrates, go watersliding with Napoleon, pick up some hot princesses, & still get an A on your history report so that you can become the greatest rock band in the history of mankind. It's almost too easy. My main appeal for this method is it's simplicity...and it's like a roller coaster ride going through the circuits of time. No driver's license required.


3. Time Machine - Though there are many makes & models of Time Machine on the market, I like the giant gyroscope with a seat in it has a grand appeal of seeing time pass right before your very eyes...and much faster than the standard grass growing method...like when I drift off into a daydream or something...this is much more entertaining.

4. Sending a HeMail - Basically it involves a large machine that takes up an entire warehouse, putting the passenger in a small enough area to have them curl up in the fetal position, ZAP, and then end up in the past bucky-naked & usually spend the first night in a hospital or jail. Terminator, Deja Vu, 12 Monkeys, all basically the same...and it definitely saves on time...but the electrical bills & leasing of the warehouse probably roll a pretty penny for upkeep. Sure, it's feasible if the fate of the world is at stake (robotic war, disease prevention, etc.) but not for leisure travelers.


5. Tesseract - Yes, I read "Wrinkle In Time" by Madeleine L'Engle as a kid a few times. It's basically the same thing as any Star Trek sci-fi worm hole or anything though...but that requires going into space...and I can't afford that...yet. Also, I'm waiting for the day that a ship is built than can withstand the tremendous pressure of a Black Hole...because then the plot of "The Core" becomes much more feasible. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...and then making a car out of the stuff. Yeah, like the plane made out of the black box material. Wait, what was my point?


6. Butterfly Effect - If I think hard enough, I can go back into my own past...but if Ziggy tells me there's something wrong & I can't make it right, then I might be stuck in the 80's forever. Wait, I'm sorry. I started with one time travel method & then midway through replaced it with a cooler one. Sorry, I do that once in a while.

Honorable Mention: Frequency - "Hello? Dad? Is that you?"
"No, my name's Walt. Nobody calls me daddy except my girlfriend."
"Is her name Susan?"
"(Cough) Yeah, who is this?"
"This is your son...thirty years from now."
"Hehehehee...oh man. (Cough) I really got to stop messing with this radio when I'm stoned. Oooh, look at the cool lights in the sky!!!"

Anyway, I'm hopeful for a time when we can travel through time...but I don't think that it's going to happen. Why? If in the future we can go into the past, wouldn't we have already done it & be in our alternate future? Send me your thoughts...or your personal favorite method of time transportation.