Thou Shalt Love the Tentacle

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Happy Independence Day to all of you!!! Also, happy Anniversary to my dad & stepmom!!! (I think it's 11 years now...but it's not my job to keep track) Also, a happy birthday to Geraldo Rivera while I'm at it. He turns 65 years old today. His moustache is 62. Yesterday was an incredibly laid-back day. I basically ran a few errands before it reached 100 again...and then watched a "Burn Notice" marathon on USA the rest of the day while cleaning up around the house. Bubbles stopped by around 9:30 after spending the day with her sister & her family...and then we picked up her mom to hang out, have a few drinks, and watch "Bad Santa" starring Billy Bob Thornton. Great flick. Christmas classic...like "It's A Wonderful Life" but the exact opposite. That's really about it from yesterday. Around 1:30, I dropped them off, drove home, and went to bed.


This morning, I watched a movie loaned to me by the Mad Scientist called "Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs" recently released on DVD. Now, if you like Futurama, you'll greatly enjoy this movie. If you've never seen Futurama, you may end up scratching your head half the time...but it'll still get a few cheap laughs out of you. Basically, the story is set in the year 3000 (or so) about the lead character Fry (from the 20th century but cryogenically frozen and revived a thousand years later) and long story short, he's bummed. He fell in love with a girl...and found out she was a bit of a harlot. It happens. So feeling lonely & loveless, he strolls into an anamoly (tear in space into another dimension) and meets up with...an enormous tentacled creature who wants nothing more than to make love to all the beings of the Gamma Universe (ours) now that it's free for its isolation in the other dimension. Anyway, I do a poor job of summary...so feel free to check out the movie yourself. If you like cartoons geared at a demographic of ages 18-30, then you'll love it.


Today I'm working late, then heading over to a party that my buddy Brooklyn invited me to that's being hosted by her friend Boston. It should be a good time. Oddly enough, it was this time last year when I first introduced to a lovely young lady by the name of Megan Fox...and then just in time for Independence Day, I get news that...


Megan Fox is SINGLE!!! - Transformers star & Maxim Magazine's Hottest Woman Alive Megan Fox has reportedly called off her engagement to former Beverly Hills 90210 actor Brian Austin Green. The 22-year-old actress is said to have ended her four-year relationship with the 34-year-old because she feels too young to settle down. A source close to Fox said: "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realizes she's too young to marry him." Now, obviously I think Brian Austin Green should be on Suicide Watch for the next few days...but eventually he'll get over it...because God damn it, he had a four-year relationship with Megan Fox...from legal to 22. By the way, he finished second in the Luckiest Man Alive nominations that I decided on St. Patrick's Day (losing out to NBA player Marko Jaric, who's now engaged to Adriana Lima) but anyway, he'll be fine. Megan will also be fine...in fact, apparently she's been fine as frog's hair since the day she was born.


Now, do I think that I have a chance with her? Sure, but only if she knows what's good for her. If she's just going out to sow her wild oats (think about that for a minute...and try not to black out) then she'll probably go out with some douche who will treat her like sh*t and she'll think that all men are evil monkeys or something. Then a few years later, she'll look for a great guy like me (only better looking & richer). It's how most women are. Do I sound bitter? Well, I am a little bit. Feel free to prove me wrong. I've pretty much decided that I'm going to make a great second husband for some lucky woman out there. Only when they've been there, done that, got f**ked over, and now want to do it the right way. Then they're lucky enough to stumble upon a diamond like me. In the meantime, I'll just do the best I can, try not to get f**ked over myself, and wait for Karma to come back around. Anyway, best of luck to both of you, Megan & Brian!!! May you find the kind of Love that makes both of you complete and happy for ever & ever!!!


Teamless in Seattle - After years of discussion & lawsuits, the Seattle SuperSonics will move to Oklahoma City next season after reaching a settlement with the city of Seattle, ending the 41-year Seattle team history. The city of Seattle will be paid $45 million up front and Sonics owner (and OKC native) Clay Bennet will pay an additional $30 million in five years if the city is unable to secure another NBA team. That's $75 million...and the team's name and colors will remain in Seattle. Tell me that divorce isn't expensive...even with sports teams. The announcement came just hours before a federal judge was to issue a ruling in a lawsuit between the city and the Sonics over the KeyArena lease. The city had sued the Sonics to try to force the team to continue playing in Seattle through the end of the lease in 2010. So starting next year, the team owner has brought an NBA franchise to his hometown...and now they just have to come up with a team name & colors before the season starts around Halloween.


My suggestions from nearly a year ago still sound like good ideas to me. Don't remember? Well, here they are again...for your convenience (and hopefully a 2% cut from profits of this new Oklahoma City franchise's merchandise sales). Originally, the OKC Sonics would have worked because fast food chain Sonic's headquarters are there...but the team name has to stay in Seattle. So a close second in my would be the Bombers (unless it's still too soon, of course). Let's see what OKC is famous for. There's the warehouse district turned trendy shopping area called Bricktown...so the OKC Bricks? No, that's really bad for a basketball team. It's known as the 'Horse Show Capital of the World' so how about the OKC Horses? Or Clydesdales? There's that whole Grapes of Wrath Dust Bowl thing, so how about the Dusters? Anyway, best of luck to you Mr. Bennet. Congratulations on realizing your dream...and my condolences to the city of Seattle (psst, see if you can get the Clippers to move up there or something...because nobody cares about them in Los Angeles).


Also, speaking of team colors & whatnot, the ULTIMATE CHALLENGE is still on-going & awaiting your entry. The Great Mediocre Gatsby has already expressed interest & I can only assume is painstakingly overseeing every aspect of the Flag of $tevonia's design between projects ranging from space exploration to hallucinogenic pancake research. I'm curious to see what kind of incredible ideas you can come up with. You could be the next Betsy Ross or Ross Betsy and win the plethora of prizes.


Anyway, I hope that all of you have a wonderful 4th of July weekend with your family & friends. Be safe out there...and remember, don't drink & drive...and don't drink & light fireworks either. Let the kids do it. They're smaller targets & have faster reflexes. Have a great weekend!!! (Megan, call me)

It's just like the tattoo says, "There once was a little girl

who never knew Love until a boy broke her heart"

(then she called Dr. Mookie Love on his cell & arranged a rendezvous)

HOLLA!!!

Basketball's Christmas 2008

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, yesterday was the 2008 Edition of Basketball's Christmas, toys for tots style known as the NBA Draft. "Okay, first person in line step up, grab one present, then open it up back at your bunk. (Whistle blows)" but this still turns out to be kind of heartwarming in a way because you get to see the all the single mothers break down to tears when their baby gets drafted to play basketball and they know that a new house is on the way once the paperworks finished. Always gotta show Love for mama. However, I didn't see the draft. I went to the Utah Arts Festival during that time...but more on that tomorrow. Here's a brief yet important summary of the NBA Draft and some of the future stars...in my humble opinion...

1. Chicago - Derrick Rose - Guard from Memphis - I like this kid. He seems like a great guy. That being said, I don't think he's a #1 pick kind of player...at least yet. Now, I know that he's 19 and playing point guard...and he's from Chicago so that's what gave him the extra bump...and he's a good player now. However, I watched a few Memphis games last year...and he was nothing spectacular...until the NCAA Tournament. I mean...he was like the 3rd best player on his team for most of the year (behind Chris Douglas-Roberts and Joey Dorsey easily) then he had a great run in the tournament. He was the pick that Chicago had to make...but because he has great size & skills, I think that he'll be really good someday...just not right away like Chicago's hoping. Also, now the Bulls are going to have to get another big star via trading off their former point guard Kirk Hinrich and a lot of those mediocre forwards on their roster, maybe to get a center. Best of luck with that. Da Bulls!!!

2. Miami - Michael Beasley (right) - Forward from Kansas State - I think this guy is going to be great. He's also 19 but already seems to be able to hold his own in the NBA. Not sure exactly because it seemed like he was playing against less than worthy opponents...but that may just be a testament to how great a player he is. Everybody talked about the "attitude problems" that he had...but I have no idea what they're talking about...because have they looked at the NBA recently. Oh, did he say something conceited & cocky? Did he make a mistake? Hang out with the wrong crowd? He's 19. That stuff happens. I did the same thing at that age...and I was a good kid...with similar game but no team. He, Dwyane Wade, & Shawn Marion (if they don't tradehim) may be staples in South Beach for a long time to come. Perhaps another Celtics-like 30 game turnaround next year? Only if they stay healthy. They also drafted the guy that kept Derrick Rose from getting his NCAA championship, Mario Chalmers (#34) from Kansas for a long distance bomber. Great picks, Pat!!! Maybe you'll show up to half the game this season...

3. Memphis (from Minnesota) - O.J. Mayo - Guard from USC - Now, I was curious what O.J. stood for (suspected Orthell James being born a few years before the whole O.J. Simpson murder trial, more like when he was doing Hertz commercials & Naked Gun movies) but it stands for Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo. Easily the most original...and probably ridiculous name that I've heard in a while. I tried to figure out what it means (other than something that sounds odd) and the closest I can find is that it's Not Nivo backwards...and for some reason there's a J in front of Anthony. Regardless, this guy has a LOT of hype surrounding him...and he seems talented...but at least in the games that I saw, not worth ALL the hype. I hate to say it...but he brings back thoughts of another former guard from USC named Harold Minor. Remember "Baby Jordan" who won the Slam Dunk contest...and then disappeared? Don't worry, few do. Hopefully O.J. will prove me wrong. Also, through the trade that brought him to Memphis, the Grizzlies also acquired former All-Star & random 3-point bomber Antoine Walker and the future Mr. Adriana Lima, Marco Jaric. I think the couple will like Memphis better than Minneapolis. Things are already changing for the better for them since their engagement.

4. Seattle - Russell Westbrook - Guard from UCLA - Seattle had SIX draft picks to start the day...and honestly, picking Westbrook was a surprise that I wasn't expecting. I was certain they were going with Jerryd Bayless (#11) but that's why they make the decision. He's a great point guard who may not be a superstar...but will be a consistent defender & distributor to last year's Rookie of the Year Kevin Durrant for years to come. The Sonics needed...well, just about everything except a two-guard (Durrant) and I think they did a GREAT job by getting one of my favorite players from last year, D.J. White (#29) and also getting Sasha Kaun (#56). White is just a great, surprisingly good player who knew his role at Indiana, grab all the rebounds from your teammates misses & put them back in...and he did it well. Instead of college teammate Eric Gordon (#7), now it's going to be Kevin Durrant throwing up the "passes" to D.J. (Dewayne White Jr.). He's not the biggest guy...but he plays with heart...and I like that stuff. KAAAAAAUN is a seven-footer from NCAA champion Kansas who didn't play big minutes or anything...but you can't teach size & he can block shots and grab boards...which again are exactly what the Sonics need. He's apparently been offered a HUGE contract by a Russian team so he may opt for there (why he lasted to #56) but again, the Sonics had six picks...so it was worth a shot to get his rights. They actually got some other great talent with California center DeVon Hardin & 19-year old Spanish forward Serge Jonas Ibaka Ngobila...or just Serge Ibaka. The Sonics may be pretty good if they get all their young talent working together with last year's rookies Durrant & Jeff Green...and their few veterans too.

5. Minnesota (from Memphis) - Kevin Love - Forward from UCLA - My brother from another mother Kevin Love is going to the Great White North (not racist, it's just snowy up there) and I think it's great. As you know, I think K-Love is a great player and will make any team better. Great shooter, great passer, decent defender, breaks backboards, hit full-court shots, great fundamentals all around, and seems like a great dude. He's also a great compliment to emerging superstar Al Jefferson and the other players up there. Also, with the trade that got them Love, they also acquired sharpshooter Mike Miller and a solid rebounder Jason Collins (from the last set of twin centers to come from Stanford University a few years ago...but more on that later in the draft). Randy Foye, Corey Brewer, and Rashad McCants are great young talent too. They should at least do better than last year...when they traded Kevin Garnett away. Good luck, T-Wolves!!!

6. New York - Danilo Gallinari - Forward from Italy - Coach Mike D'Antoni has some BALLS!!! However, I like the pick for a few reasons. It's a win-win-win-win situation. First win, he was probably the best talent available despite being young (again 19) and having only played in Europe...also known as the big guys with funny accent, no-touchy league...and in the video of those games, he seems like a decent player with lots of potential...and you know how I like potential. Second win, coach D'Antoni played in that league with his dad, Vittorio Gallinari a few decades ago...so it's like doing a HUGE favor for an old friend. Third win, no matter who they selected with this pick...the Knicks fans were going to bitch & moan about it. It's just what they do...especially since Boston sports teams keep winning EVERYTHING...and they're not the most gracious winners. However, the Knicks tried to trade up to get a higher pick...but they have NOTHING to deal with. "Yeah, what are you going to give us? Quentin Richardson? The guy that married Brandy? Is he still in the league? Who the hell is Renaldo Balkman?" So no dice there...however, if he turns out to be "the next Dirk Nowitzki" like some people say, then he seems like a genius. Fourth win, if Gallinari turns out to be the next Darko Milicic...then the Knicks buy out his coaching contract in two years & he walks away into the sunset with millions of dollars...and retires to Lake Como. Sounds like a great choice to me.

7. L.A. Clippers - Eric Gordon - Guard from Indiana - I like Eric Gordon. I almost feel sorry that he has to go to the NBA's wasteland, the Clippers. He's a great talent that I watch...and he just seems to be the next Allen Iverson. He's scrappy, tough, talented, and basically throws up shots that you think have absolutely no chance of going in...swish. He's drawn a lot of comparisons to AI as well as Isiah Thomas (happens when you go to Indiana) but he's not quite there yet. However, I say keep an eye on him. As long as he can stay healthy, he has potential for great things...but being a little guy, you never know. Not sure if he can...or rather should, run the point like the Clippers are hoping...but we shall see. Not a lot of help on that team...but they also drafted center DeAndre Jordan (#35) who many thought would be a top 10 pick...until they saw him play...and realized that they were just basing that on the fact that he's big. Sad thing is...that nobody wants to play for the Clippers...and for good reason. Sure, I would play for the Clippers...but that's compared to my other options...which are to play for the Taylor 3rd Ward Seniors Church League. "T3 BABY!!! THIS IS MY HOUSE!!! Oops...sorry God, my bad!!! (Kiss to the skies)"

8. Milwaukee - Joe Alexander - Forward from West Virginia - I've only seen Joe play once this last year...and I was impressed. He seems like a great kid with fundamentals and a sweet mid-range jumper. The Bucks also traded to get All-Star forward Richard Jefferson to go along with current All-Star sharpshooter Michael Redd and emerging stars like Andrew Bogut (GO U!!!), Charlie Villanueva, & Desmond Mason. Their other pick was Luc Richard Mbah a Moute (#37) from UCLA and he's a pretty good player too. So they may not have a superstar face to the franchise...but an ensemble of B-list players that if they click...can do good things.

9. Charlotte - D.J. Augustin - Guard from Texas - Great point guard...but being around six-foot believe it or not is a little undersized. It's okay though...because the reason the Bobcats drafted him...was because the four players from UNC that declared from the draft decided to go back to school. Also, D.J.'s full name is Darrell Gerard Augustin, jr. Last I checked, that's D.G. Well, I guess the Darrell Junior thing works. Anyway, he should be a good fit for them and now Raymond Felton can move over to his natural position of undersized two-guard.

10. New Jersey - Brook Lopez (left) - Center from Stanford - The first real big guy of the draft...and one of the Lopez twins from Stanford (remember Collins mention earlier?), he may be the steal of the draft. Of course, he may also be the Spencer Hawes of this year's draft...but I think positively...and he really has no competition in the Eastern Conference to be a dominant center except Dwight Howard & KG. The soon-to-be Brooklyn Nets also traded to get Chinese superstar Yi Jianlian (who finally got his & his nation's wish of a bigger market than Milwaukee) and drafted Memphis' best player last year, shooting guard Chris Douglas-Roberts a.k.a. CDR (#40) so they could be pretty good. I say that about a lot of teams...but it depends on chemistry & health. I think the Nets stepped up though...and they also freed up some cap space so they can try to convince a LeBron or Gilbert Arenas to go to Brooklyn. I mean...think about it...Brook Lopez in Brooklyn. Add in the Chinese market, CDR, a possible new superstar, AND Vince Carter's already there. part-owner Jay-Z's got himself a great team...if not just from a marketing standpoint. "IT'S THE ROC!!! HOLLA!!!"

11. Portland (from Indiana) - Jerryd Bayless - Guard from Arizona - My prove to be the steal of the draft because I was sure that he was going to go at #4 to Seattle...but he joins a great team that just missed out on the playoffs in the West...along with last year's #1 overall pick Greg Oden who has yet to play an NBA game...but even if he does turn out to be the next Sam Bowie, he at least has a few good years in him & with a top young center AND point guard coming in on a decent team with emerging superstars like Brandon Roy & Lamarcus Aldridge, the Blazers could be a team to watch.

15. Phoenix - Robin Lopez - Center from Stanford - The other Lopez brother joins a team that is in transition with a new coach, a few personnel changes (possibly dropping Shaq?), and a lot of expectations. It's a good pick for Phoenix because it gives them a more mobile option at center with still great size...but I honestly think that his brother got the better deal in Jersey.

17. Indiana (from Toronto) - Roy Hibbert - Center from Georgetown - I was hoping that he'd fall a bit so that the Spurs could get him...but I like Roy Hibbert. He's big (and you can't teach that), he's got a few moves, fills the lane on defense, and the Pacers lucked out to get him.

23. Utah - Kosta Koufos - Center from Ohio State - Because Hibbert didn't fall, they went with the best available center who is actually a pretty solid player from THE Ohio State University. Little surprised that the Cavaliers passed on him at #19 but should be a decent player. Just in case, they also drafted a 7-1 Croatian center named Ante Tomic (#44) who I'm told has decent skills.

26. San Antonio - George Hill - Guard from IUPUI - Just in case you were wondering too, IUPUI stands for Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis...which seems redundant to me...but apparently he averaged over 20 points a game last year in college and if the Spurs picked him...he's pretty good. I mean...for the first time in a decade or so, they picked an American in the first round. Then again, last time was Leon Smith straight out of high school...and they traded him immediately. Oh well, we shall see. They also got a forward from Maryland named James Gist III (#57) a.k.a. JG3 or something. Is that Brazilian guy Tiago Splitter from last year going to play for them yet?

27. New Orleans - Darrell Arthur - Forward from Kansas - Projected as a Top 10 pick by many, then drafted by New Orleans at #27, then traded to Portland, then Houston, then Memphis...all on what was to be the greatest day of his life. It's a little sad to hear...but honestly, this guy's really good. There was a lot of concern about some alleged kidney ailment...but he's a seven-footer with great athleticism and skills...and now, a chip on his shoulder from 26 teams (including the Spurs for some reason) saying "No thanks...we're gonna go with this guy". Not only that...but because of the trades, he has specific teams (all in the Western conference) that said, he thinks these specific guys and/or future draft picks are a better fit than you. Honestly, I hope this guy goes on to be an MVP one day. He's already an NCAA champion. Perhaps the matching of him & Mayo will be something great for a long time. Oh also, on that whole kidney thing...he reminds me a lot of another guy who had a similar situation by the name of Alonzo Mourning...who can still find work after fifteen years in the league. Prove 'em wrong, Mr. Arthur!!! I'll be rooting for ya...unless you're playing the Spurs...or the Jazz because they grow on ya.

42. Sacramento - Sean Singletary - Guard from Virginia - My only mentioning specifically of the second round...because I think the Kings got a few good'uns in this point guard and also Georgetown's Patrick Ewing, jr. (#43) on back-to-back picks. Singletary reminds me of the great Mookie Blaylock and though Pat Junior isn't as tall or dominating as Pat Senior was, he's still a pretty decent role player that should fit well in the system...which is the key to most players drafted after...say pick number ten in the draft.

Anyway, that's about it on this draft. I'm sure there are more free agency, sign-and-trades, straight up trades, and stars coming from out of nowhere to come this year. I love basketball. I like to think that I know a thing or two about it...but it's all about how you play the game...and I wish all of these guys the best of luck...and congratulations on their big day. Since I'm on a sports kick today, I think I'll get a few other things out of the way...since most of you may have stopped reading already.

Becky Hammon - For those of you who don't know, Becky Hammon is an incredibly cute girl-next-door from South Dakota, who played at Colorado State, went undrafted into the WNBA, and now happens to be an amazing basketball player for the WNBA's San Antonio Silver Stars (formerly Utah Starzz...damn you Larry Miller) placing 2nd in MVP voting last year. Well, she wasn't even considered for the USA Olympic team in the upcoming Beijing Games...so she signed a big contract with CSKA Moscow (all the girls play overseas in the WNBA's offseason) and became a naturalized Russian citizen...and is going to play on their Olympic team. This apparently has caused some controversy because people (including Hall of Famer Ann Donovan) say that it's unpatriotic, all about the money, and I didn't think of it first...or something like that. I think it's great. I obviously have a bit of a crush on Becky (call me) but I honestly don't care if she wants to play for the Russian team. If she has dual citizenship & isn't breaking any rules, then I wish her nothing but the best...which would be a Silver Medal because I've got to root for the USA (Sue Bird & Diana Taurasi). Still, I think you're great...and Russia's lucky to have you...just please, please, pleeeease come back with a sexy Russian accent to go with that fantastic smile. I know you like to keep pretty elite company...but I think your friends'll like me. GO SPURS!!!

Ana Ivanovic Upset at Wimbledon - Top-seeded women's tennis player Ana Ivanovic was knocked out in the third round of Wimbledon today by 133rd-ranked Zheng Jie of China. Ivanovic, who took over the No. 1 ranking after winning the French Open earlier this month, slumped to a 6-1, 6-4 loss to the wild-card entry and doubles specialist. "It's a surprise for me," said the 24-year-old Zheng, who won the Wimbledon doubles title in 2006. "Thanks to Wimbledon, (which) gave me a wild card. I just tried my best and had to keep going, going." Now for the important part...whose shoulder is there for Ana to cry on? I'd like to offer my services Ana. Call me...or send me a plane ticket...even coach. I'm here for you. You're still amazing. Keep your head up & rest for the next tournament.

Odd thing, though I've babbled on about sports all day...and requested a few gorgeous girls to call me...but do you know who's going to call me...probably my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister-in-law, maybe Bubbles, a few text messages, and if anything...a call from one of the new draft picks...

Caller: "Yo dogg, did you say that Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo is a stupid name?"
$teve: "No, just that it's ridic...you know, maybe if I knew the context of it, it wouldn't seem so...uniquely peculiar."
The New O.J.: "Ovinton was the name of my mother's D&D elf character when she was in high school...and I love my mother very much. J'Anthony is a mix of my two grandfather & father, Jay & Anthony. What now, bitch?"
$teve: "Cool, I had a grandpa named Jay too. That's cool man. I'm sorry to criticize your name...but yeah, believe it or not, O.J. is still more marketable...and if I were CEO of Best Foods, I'd already have you selling your own special brand of mayonaisse. Hey, I'm looking into a new career, what do you think? Need another marketing guy? Are...are we cool now? Sorry about the whole name thing, I just didn't understand."
O.J.: "Yeah, we cool. Sorry dogg, I got somebody else for that stuff. They've had my back (and bills) for a few years now. Thanks though. Not just because of that stupid idea...because your brother Kevin saved me from having to end up in f**king freezing Minnesota for the next decade. Be sure to thank him for me, would ya?"
$teve: "Ugh...sure. Will do. We're ugh...tight like that."

Have a great weekend everybody!!! Pictures & stories from the Utah Arts Festival tomorrow...because today was a sports day. I only do one of these a year...so it's done now. Enjoy the next 364 or so posts. Peace!!!

My Love of Brandy

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

So...how much do I love my Poor Man's Maybach, Brandy? How does one measure love? Is it a unit of volume...like liters of gallons sweat or blood spilled for her? Unit of distance...like how far you would physically go to make something better...or how far you'd travel with her (up to 210,000 miles now)? Unit of heat...need I say more with this heat wave going through Utah this past week? Well, since I didn't have proper measuring devices for those units, I think I'll just resort to the units of American currency that I've used this past week on her upkeep. Now, I realize that a lot of you pay hundreds of dollars per month on a car payment...but this is kind of a big deal to me...and keep in mind...that it would be a LOT more if I didn't have a great father, his great mechanic, and a newer car.

$350 - 6 months of full coverage insurance
$120 - Windshield
$350 - Air conditioning (a must for Vegas)
$180 - Fix steering wheel
$400 - Fresh new tires (Uniroyal Tiger Paws)
$100 - Safety, emissions, & registration
$100 - Tuneup (plugs, wires, belts, cap, rotor, etc)
$60 - Full synthetic oil change (every 3000 miles)
Grand total - About $1600 (and don't forget gas)

Sure, it's all needed...but still, hurtin' my pockets, son. It'll be like a new car though...and when all the work's done, I'll have to give her a good wash & wax so that she can bling in the summer sun.

NBA Draft Tonight - Basketball's Christmas 2008 Edition is later today...and my predication, a lot of trades...including the top picks. Why? It worked for the Celtics this year when they traded the #5 pick last year (Jeff Green) for a veteran (Ray Allen) and they ended up winning a championship instead of rebuilding. Don't worry, I'll save all of my insight & analysis until tomorrow when the draft is actually finished...but I think that my brother from another mother Kevin Love is being severely underrated in this draft...and just because he looks a little on the chunky side. I think he'll be a great player for a long time...and most mock drafts have him going around pick number ten. Keep your eye on that guy. More tomorrow...

Last night after running around, I met up with my mom, ordered up some Chinese food (still lots of leftovers), and get a few movies. The movie that I picked was "10,000 BC" starring Steve Strait ("The Covenant") and Camilla Belle ("The Quiet" & "When A Stranger Calls") and narrated by the great Omar Sharif. The story is...well, it's not historically accurate by any means...but it's about a tribe of mammoth hunters who are pillaged by a group of...I don't know, maybe Vikings...and they take a bunch of the people as slaves to unknown lands to the hunters. Yet because one of the girls taken is SUPER hot (and the prophecy says so), a small group of hunters go to save them. Along the way, there's African tribes, sabre-toothed tigers, giant moas (prehistoric birds that apparently act like raptors), the Egyptian pyramids, and a lot of other things...but as long as you are a master of disbelief & not history, it's quite the enjoyable movie. It's like a mix of "Apocolypto" and "Last of the Mohicans" (because it's mostly in English). It's a pretty good exciting flick.

The movie that we picked was "The Bucket List" with Jack Nicholson & Morgan Freeman. As you may have seen on the preview, it's about two elderly strangers who are about to kick the bucket, so they make a list of things that they want to do before that happens. It's a great movie with a few touching moments, a lot of one-liners from Jack, and a lot of trivial facts & narration from Morgan. I say check it out. It makes you think about the time that you have here & what you should be doing to make it better for yourself & others, a subject that I tend to think about a lot...but not do as much as I would like. Perhaps I'll have to put some thought into this & make a Bucket List of my own. I'll have to get back at you with that though.

One possibility may have already slipped away...as earlier this week, Adriana Lima was proposed to by her boyfriend Marko Jaric. Now, through the sweet power of delusion, I may think that I'm a better match than him...but as long as she's happy, that's what's important. Congratulations to both of you...and don't forget to invite me to the wedding. Can you imagine the lineup of bridesmaids? I wonder if they'll be wearing angel wings...and hideous seafoam dresses that look like something out of a sci-fi movie.

Well, that'll pretty much do it for today. More errands to run, more work on the car (and a few stops by the bank), going to the Arts Festival tonight, should be a fun little day. Have a great day everybody!!! Make the most out of it!!! Cross something off your Bucket List when you get the chance!!! Let me know if any of you want to go skydiving. I have yet to do that...and it's on the list.

Man Who Catch Fly With Chopsticks Can Accomplish Anything

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, I watched one of my favorite 80's movies. It's the philosophical coming-of-age story about a Jersey kid who moves to sunny California, gets harassed by punks, befriends his maintenance man, who also happens to be a martial arts master…and former restaurant owner on "Happy Days", is taught the sacred traditions of this man from Okinawa, and falls for my first crush…Elizabeth Shue. I'm talking of course…about "The Karate Kid" with Ralph Macchio & the late great Pat Morita. Now, some crazy people out there have told me that they consider this a sports movie…and that simply isn't true. Karate is not a sport…it's a way of life. There are plenty of life lessons taught throughout this movie…and anybody who knows the deep, philosophical meaning of "Wax on, wax off" can appreciate it. However, I still find myself liking the Cobra Kai mottos more…like "Strike hard. Strike first. No mercy." or "There is no pain in this dojo" or "Sweep the leg." Does that make me evil? No, of course not. Also, just out of curiosity, am I the only person in the world that sings along during the tournament montage? "YOU'RE THE BEST…AROUND!!! NOTHING'S GONNA EVER KEEP YA DOWN!!! YOU'RE THE BEST…AROUND!!! NOTHING'S GONNA EVER KEEP YA DOWN!!!" Probably. Anyway, great flick…and I watched it last night…and told JL Clyde about how I wanted to be like Daniel-son when I grew up…a ninja who was bangin' Elizabeth Shue. "You're young. There's still a chance." "True, I've already got the ninja thing down…and she may be 44…but I'm still willing." She's also married too…and I respect that (call me Liz).


This morning, my sister-in-law called me up and we talked about my brother's upcoming birthday, my nieces & nephews, Pride (apparently she wants to go to the parade next year), and my hopefully impending move to Vegas. Apparently, her goal is to make it down every three months or so…but that's awfully $teve-like in scope…and she doesn't have my financial backing nor the irresponsibility to do something like that. She's got those babies to look after…and not just my brother…so we'll see. I told her at the very least that I'd get her into the Adult Entertainment Expo if she came in January. She liked that idea…as did I…as would anybody. Other than that, nothing much really going on except work today…so here's the news…and a Movie List.


Victoria's Secret Weapon - Macrida Patterson, a 52-year-old Los Angeles traffic officer, told NBC's "Today" show that she suffered cuts to her cornea from a small piece of metal that had been used to secure a rhinestone heart onto a blue thong that she bought at Victoria's Secret. So she is suing them. "I was putting on my underwear from Victoria's Secret and the metal popped in my eye. It happened really quickly. I was in excruciating pain. I screamed. That's what happened." Now, before the thought of a 52-year old cop in a blue thong with rhinestones makes you want to tear your own eyes out, try to see it from her perspective. Actually, never mind. I'm just going to look at the new summer lines on the website and forget this ever happened. How dare you try to take money out of my Adriana's perfectly shaped pockets…that I assume she wears when in temperatures below seventy degrees Fahrenheit. Hmm, where do Victoria's Secret supermodels keep their money…and driver's licenses? That's a thought for later tonight. Hotchuma Hotchuma!!!


Monument to Enemas - A bronze syringe bulb, which weighs 800 pounds and is held by three angels, was unveiled at the Mashuk-Akva Term spa in the southern Russian city of Zheleznovodsk Wednesday. The Caucasus Mountains region is known for dozens of spas where enemas with water from mineral springs are routinely administered to treat digestive and other complaints. Alexander Kharchenko, 50, said the monument cost $42,000 and was installed in a square in front of his spa. "There is no kitsch or obscenity, it is a successful work of art. An enema is almost a symbol of our region." If that is true, remind me never to go to there. A banner declaring: "Let's beat constipation and sloppiness with enemas" — an allusion to a line from "The Twelve Chairs," a famous Soviet film comedy — was posted on one of the spa's walls. Quite possibly the worst poop joke ever. Sculptor Svetlana Avakina said she designed the 5-foot-high monument with "irony and humor" and modeled the angels on those in works by Italian Renaissance painter Alessandro Botticelli. "This device is eternal, it will never change. We could promote this brand, turn it into a franchise with souvenirs and awards for medical doctors." That's slightly better than my idea of making a bronze statue for my memorial upon my untimely death…where three angels would hold a large, fully-loaded scrotal sack and ask passerbys to cough. Now there's a beautiful image. At least I know that one sculptor would be willing to do it…for about $42,000 (or about 18 trillion rubles). Now for a Movie List...


Gary Oldman Movies - Minus "Fifth Element" because I talk about it too damn much

Medal Winners

Gold - Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - Sure, most people know Gary Oldman as the best Villain actor EVER (that's right, I said it) if not just a badass. His role as Dracula though…made him the Ultimate Villain Badass. He basically carried the movie. Think about it. It's a great movie, can we agree on that? Okay. Done. Cool special effects? Okay, there were a few interesting things with the effects…but it's a supernatural movie. What else pushed it? The performances by Winona Ryder? Keanu Reeves? Cary Elwes? Anthony Hopkins in his five minutes of screen time? Monica Bellucci as hot vampire #3? (Hmm, perhaps…) NO!!! It was THE Gary Oldman…with a Romanian accent, I think. Some die hard Dracula fans thought this movie was horrible…but kudos to director Francis Ford Coppola for having the sheer testicular fortitude to turn it into a Love story…with vampires, nudity, and questionable casting calls. I personally love this movie…and laughing whenever Keanu opens his mouth.


Silver - Immortal Beloved (1994) - I've seen this movie twice this week. Once because I hadn't seen it in a while…and again because I had to show JL Clyde it. No complaints. The composer Ludwig von Beethoven (Oldman) has died…and the man handling his affairs stumbles upon a letter addressed to his "Immortal Beloved" whom he leaves all of his possessions. Now, the man must question those who knew Beethoven to find out who this mysterious woman (or man) is. Great (hot) performances are also given by Valeria Golino & Isabella Rossolini as former lovers…but yeah, it's Gary Oldman at his finest. Again, it also makes me want to learn how to make music…because chicks really dig that stuff. Apparently, talent & passion is very sexy. Best line in the whole movie though - While teaching his student (Golino) to play the piano, "Your lack of passion is unforgivable. I shall have to beat you." Slaps her hand…and within a minute of screen time, she's lying in her bed post-coitus. That's the Maestro!!! Anyway, check it out. Don't be scared of the R rating either. I honestly have no idea why that is. Yes, there's about three total seconds of boob & side-boob…and a Chancellor says "sh*t" in a comical tone…but that's it. PG-13 at most…even back in the early 90's. Oh…and the soundtrack is awesome because it's Beethoven…and the scenes of him as Dying Ludwig only convince me more than Gary Oldman would be perfect to play Benjamin Franklin in a biopic. Make it happen Hollywood!!!


Bronze - Leon, the Professional (1994) - Another bad guy role in this shoot-em-up classic starring Jean Reno and a jailbait Natalie Portman, directed by Luc Besson. It's the story of a professional assassin (Reno) who looks after a young girl (Portman) and they become the most unconventional of friends. She starts to admire his profession…and he teaches her to be independent and becomes her father figure…but then other killers are after him…led by Gary Oldman. Great shoot-outs, explosions, French, kids with guns, pure badassery. Gary Oldman may not get enough screen time…but he makes up for it with being creepy. See it if you haven't already…since I recommended it on my Shoot-Em-Up Movie List.


Suggestion - The Scarlet Letter (1995) - Nathaniel Hawthorne's book brought to the big screen with Gary Oldman as the sexy reverend…and Demi Moore as the object of his affections…or was it the other way around? I forget, it's been a few years…but allegedly there are some really hot steamy scenes. Speaking of which, he allegedly was in "Henry & June" (1990) starring Fred Ward, Uma Thurman (his wife at the time), and Maria de Medeiros…but I don't recall him being in there. Again, it has been a while though. Maybe it was a cameo or small role…like being Lee Harvey Oswald in "JFK" (1991) and a white Jamaican pimp in "True Romance" (1993). Love Gary as a pimp. Check it out if you haven't already. Great flick. Also, great bad guy in "Air Force One" (1997) starring President Ford. "Get off my plane!!!"


Flush It - Lost In Space (1998) - It's not Gary's fault that this movie sucked. The fact of the matter is…if Matt LeBlanc is in your movie, it's going to suck. Period. No exceptions. Look it up. Go ahead. Google it. See? Anyway, it's the movie adaptation of the popular sci-fi TV series from the sixties starring William Hurt, Heather Graham, Mimi Rogers, and jailbait Lacey Chabert (hence why she's pictured instead of something to do with the movie). Of course Gary's the evil (and possible pedophile) Dr. Smith…because he's Gary Oldman…and they paid a lot of money. Save your time & money…and watch "Fifth Element" instead if you want sci-fi Oldman.


Future Watch - Dark Knight (July 18th) - Less than four weeks until Batman is FINALLY back in theatres. Want to see this movie so bad I can taste it (and it ain't sweet). Gary Oldman plays Commissioner Gordon (or I think Lieutenant in this prequel) but I just wanna see this movie. Loved "Batman Begins" (2005) and hopefully this will be more of the same. I'm also told that I must watch "Sid & Nancy" (1986) because this is allegedly the greatest performance of Gary Oldman's career…so some day I'll have to check that out. He's also playing a part in the adaptation of "A Christmas Carol" (2009) that's going to star Jim Carrey as…well, everybody. Scrooge, the Ghosts, probably Tiny Tim. There's also a supernatural thriller being made called "Unborn" (2009) where he stars as a spiritual advisor to a young girl (Odette Yustman) who is tormented by the soul of a boy who died during the Holocaust. Should be intriguing.


That'll do it for today. Tomorrow I may be heading out to hang with my brother's family on my day off (since everybody's got the day off this weekend) so I may have more pictures come Monday. Just a head's up. Thanks to everybody out there reading this for being awesome…and have a great weekend!!!

Adventures in Babysitting 2 - Sit Harder

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night was an average day at work...and then I thought I'd do a good deed and drop a coworker off at her house, so I got back to my house just before 1 AM...to find that my mom had volunteered my bed to my 11-year old cousin Alicia (already larger than my date the other night). Splendid. Again, I would look like the dick if I were to kick her out...so I just slept awkwardly. Too damn nice.

I woke up this morning around 6:30 AM when a crying woman called me. It took me a minute to realize who it was...Bubbles' mom. As you know, I like her mom and just think that she's bat crackers crazy...so I went and picked her up. She wanted me to take her to a shelter so that she can start to get her life in order...and how can you say no to that? So I spent my morning talking to her, reassuring her, driving her across town, and walking around the seedy parts of downtown trying to get her set up. Again, too damn nice...but I know that she, Bubbles, and their whole family appreciate it. I really hope that she figures it all out. Feel free to say a little prayer for her. I'd appreciate it greatly.

After that, I returned home to find my mom & Alicia waking up...and of course my cousin wants to play "Rock Band" because it's awesome. The only thing is...she only knows three of the songs on the entire game...so that's all she played...for about three hours. Luckily, I took a nap for the last half (either that or passed out from holding back my anger about being put in the situation of babysitting all day). When I awoke, my mom wanted to go to the hospital (and probably escape my cousin) so I took her (after she got me some breakfast...because I'm cheap, but I'm not free) and then I was faced with the task of trying to find out what to do with an 11-year old. "What do you want to do?" "I don't know." "Okay...so nothing? It's a beautiful day. It'd be a shame to waste it...but if that's what you want." "Well, I did want to see Indiana Jones...but I haven't seen the first ones." "Well then, how about we head back to my place and watch them?" "OKAY!!!" Awesome, having the originals just saved me $30 that I probably would have slept through anyway.

We got back to my place...and somebody is apparently borrowing my Indy collection. Dammit!!! "Well, sorry but I have lots of other movies if you wanted to see any of them..." "Do you have the Simpsons?" "Only ten seasons and a movie. Do you think that'll be enough?" "I don't know." "Sarcasm, Alicia. Google it." She's kind of a sheltered girl...but still alright because she likes the Simpsons. So we watched season three for about two hours, laughing all the way...then she played "Simpsons: Road Rage" and a merry time was had by all...because I typed this entry.

JL Clyde sent me a text earlier today suggesting that I speak with a corporation to get them to sponsor my blog...so that I can make a few bucks on the side for this rambling stuff. She suggested Hooters...and I like her choice...a lot. Who knows? If I don't get that Vegas job soon, I may just have to put in an application at the Hooters Hotel & Casino near the Strip. They do have comedian Bobby Slayton & the Rack Pack...but hopefully that won't be the case. They probably pay their employees in hot wings & hula hoops anyway. It might be worth looking into though. Who else would be a fitting sponsor for my blog?

Victoria's Secret (Adriana)?

World Wildlife Fund (Pandas)?

Popular Mechanics (Sexbots)?

The Travel Channel? As much as we both talk about Vegas, I'm surprised that they haven't called me up yet. Anyway, I'd like to hear your suggestions & ideas. Let me know what you think.

In the meantime, I'll be entertaining my cousin...and probably get con'd into doing something else for my mom...because nobody else will. Thank you all again for being so awesome...and I promise, as soon as I hear about the Vegas job, I'll let you know. Oh...and my blood donation was moved to tomorrow because babysitting a pint low could be dangerous for both of us...especially her...and my blood pressure. Have a great day everybody!!!

Birthday Eve

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

First off, a very happy birthday to Alfredo James Pacino today as he turns 68. He's one of greatest actors of all time...and the list of movies include "The Godfather" trilogy, "Scarface", "Scent of a Woman", "Dog Day Afternoon", "Serpico", "Heat", "Carlito's Way", "Insomnia", "Any Given Sunday", "Devil's Advocate", "Donnie Brasco", "Ocean's 13", even "Dick Tracy" as Big Boy. His newest "Righteous Kill" comes out soon, costarring Robert DeNiro & 50 Cent. Should be another classic. Anyway, have a great birthday buddy!!! I hope they don't make you work 18 hours today filming that Salvador Dali biopic.






Last night, I watched Guy Ritchie's latest movie (director of "Lock, Stock, & Two Smokin' Barrels", "Snatch", etc.) called "Revolver" starring Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Andre Benjamin (Dre 3000 from Outkast) and others. It's about a former con man (Statham) who spent 7 years in jail for taking the fall...and is now looking to get paid. That's about all that I'm going to tell you at this point...because from there, it gets really awkward at times...but I would definitely recommend it, especially if you like Guy Ritchie (Mr. Madonna) movies.





Test Tube Meat - See what I miss when I'm too busy at work? Stories like these BEG me to make fun of them. The animal rights group PETA is putting up a million dollar reward for anyone who by 2012 can grow in-vitro meat that looks and tastes like the real thing. "In-vitro meat production would use animal stem cells that would be placed in a medium to grow and reproduce. The result would mimic flesh and could be cooked and eaten," PETA said in a statement. The million-dollar reward will go to the participant who manages by 2012 to put test-tube chicken into commercial production and successful sell it in at least 10 US states at a competitive price. The New York Times revealed Monday that the scheme almost triggered a civil war within the headquarters of the organization dedicated to fighting for animal rights but PETA argued the move would help avoid unnecessary suffering. "More than 40 billion chickens, fish, pigs, and cows are killed every year for food in the United States in horrific ways. In-vitro meat would spare animals from this suffering. In addition, in-vitro meat would dramatically reduce the devastating effects the meat industry has on the environment. Humans don't need to eat meat at all" since many people continued "to refuse to kick their meat addictions, PETA is willing to help them gain access to flesh that doesn't cause suffering and death."




Okay, so PETA's giving approval for stem cell research…as long as it's using animal stem cells. Aren't they some of the advocates for stopping stem cell research on humans? Actually, probably not…because humans aren't that important to them, right? Sorry, I'm not too familiar with PETA. Maybe somebody can shed some light for me. Too lazy to go to their website…and I don't want the government following me more than they already do. (Shhhhh, they're listening) Anyway, how do you make meat…without making the animal? Really? Is it going to be like the episode of South Park I saw the other day, where they grow ears (and other appendages) on the backs of rats…but instead of cartilage, it'll be a T-bone? I guess that's literally the million-dollar question. I like the idea of a PETA civil war over this though. "Now we're talking about growing test tube steaks? I thought we were trying to turn the world vegetarian." "No, don't you see? If they're in a test tube, they won't feel pain…and we'll be distracting scientists from finding cures for diseases…and instead finding an other other OTHER white meat." "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." "Oh yeah, well I've got a test tube steak for ya right here, granola boy!!!" Slap fight ensues. $teve laughs at the thought. Hahaha!!! Besides, I'm a big fan of stem cells, as you may know from my occasion updates in the world of science…such as they can now turn stem cells into heart cells. Yay scientists!!!




Penis Theft in the Congo - I couldn't make this sh*t up if I wanted to. Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft. Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur. Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure. Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.




Holy crap!!! So much disturbing information to take in those few sentences. Mother Afrika, I love ya…but you are one crazy place to live. Sure, here in America we tease little kids with "Oop, got your nose" and they enjoy it…but apparently it's universal that if you even pretend to take away a man's hood, they will lynch you. Even the police chief said, "I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke but when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it?" The Power of Suggestion, ladies & gentlemen. It's an incredible thing. Or maybe there really are mystics in the Congo shrinking heads & shafts and turning silverback gorillas into vicious killing machines…or maybe that was just a movie. Regardless, I'm glad that the police stepped in to save them…for now. Now there are three things that scare me…nuclear war, carnies, and penis theft.




Going Undercover - A police officer was forced to resign on Wednesday for having sex with a prostitute at a building he had been sent to investigate to see if it was a brothel. The police sergeant, who was not named, had "engaged in sexual activity with a sex worker" while on duty in east London in December 2005, the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) said. He was supposed to be finding out if the premises were being used for prostitution. You know, I'm not an officer of the law…or a lawyer or anything…but I would say, "Mission Accomplished!!!" That's what I call good police work. Going undercover, into enemy territory, infiltrating the trust of the organization, learning all the ins & outs of the operation, obtaining leads into subsidiaries and other markets, gathering evidence to be used in a court of law, and catching the perpetrators red-handed…or I guess, lotion-handed or whatever they were into at the time. All while earning a measly worker's salary and even offering to investigate when he wasn't "on the clock" as they say. Going above and beyond the call of duty. I say good show, sir. I'm sorry that your fellow (jealous) officers don't feel the same way. Oh well, I'm sure they'd hire you on at the brothel as a bouncer or something. Maybe it's a change for the better.




She's a Fox - According to FHM Magazine's annual 100 Sexiest Women in the World poll, star of "Transformers" Megan Fox is the world's sexiest woman. Honestly, I really can't argue with that. She's…absolutely gorgeous…and has those sexy eyes, bangin' smile, rockin' tatas, and…yeah, I'll go with that. I mean…nine million votes can't be wrong, right? Rounding out the top ten on the list were Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Elisha Cuthbert, Scarlett Johannsen, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Hilary Duff (WHAT???), Tricia Helfer, Blake Lively, and Kate Beckinsale. Friends of the blog made the list as well, like Angelina at #12, Adriana Lima was #36, Amanda Beard at #71, and my buddies Lindsay Lohan made the list at #16 & Li'l Shaky at #55, but in the biggest publicist move of all time - Britney Spears at Number 100. Oh...and Milla Jovovich didn't make the list...instead Meg from Family Guy did (Mila Kunis). That's almost as bad as Hilary Duff getting Number 7. Oh well, it's not my list…but yeah, can't argue with Megan Fox on top though…in any situation. She kind of reminds me of somebody…hmm…

"This is a nice V6 engine you've got here."

"You should see my straight 8."

"Do you HAVE to go to work today?"

"F**k that, I just quit."

It's a good thing that she has an extensive library...

Because as mentioned before, I understand "King Lear"

Anyway, that'll do it for me for today…my Birthday Eve. I'm doing some laundry now…but I'm going to hang with my dad & stepmom for the day, have some dinner, then my mom & the rest of the family are coming down tomorrow…so if you don't hear from me, don't worry. I'll just be having fun…and celebrating the 27th anniversary of my birth. Oh yeah, this just in, guess how I'm going to celebrate my birthday. I'm going to Chuck E. Cheese with my nieces and nephew and my family. If any of you want to come along & are going to be in Sandy tomorrow night, let me know. We can get you some tokens or something. Wow, I'm officially three cubed years old now. Awesome. Have a great weekend everybody!!! Call me if you wanna hang out Saturday night!!! I'm sure that the old people and kids will be going home before dark.

Love & Happiness

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'd like to start off by wishing a happy 62nd birthday to the Reverend Al Green, soul & gospel legend. Born the son of a sharecropper in rural Arkansas, he reached his peak of popularity in the mid 70's but is still releasing albums. His #1 record "Let's Stay Together" is by far his most popular hit, but he's also recorded timeless classics like "Love & Happiness", "Can't Get Next To You", "Tired of Being Alone", "Here I Am (Come & Take Me)" and many others. In 1974, a longtime friend & lover of Al's, Mary Woodson allegedly threw a pot of boiling grits on him in the shower, ran into the other room, and committed suicide by shooting herself. Investigation showed that she had committed the act because of a mental breakdown...but the experience made Al ask God for guidance and become closer to the church. He became an ordained pastor in 1976 and his R&B career staggered, so he started to release Gospel records. Through the years, he's collaborated with artists like Annie Lennox & Lyle Lovett and received a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award in 2002. In 2004, he was inducted into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame. In 2005, $teve started using some of his timeless classics to set the mood in certain situations...with excellent and somewhat surprising results. Thank you Reverend, for all that you do...and happy birthday!!!

Not a whole heck of a lot has happened to me since yesterday. I jogged some more again on this beautiful Sunday. It's like seventy degrees and clear skies here in Slick City, which is a rarity...because that's springtime weather...and we get about a week of that between blistering cold & summer. So I made sure to enjoy it by just walking around the neighborhood too. There's a lot of different birds in the trees in my neighborhood like robins, woodpeckers, magpies, finches, and quails...but the quails are usually on the ground obviously. Talked to Bubbles for a few minutes too. She's really enjoying Vegas, even though today was Laundry Day...and she was surprised that I was working out more. "Why are you doing that?" "You know, I'm just cutting out soda...moving more...just wanna get back in shape so that I can play basketball like I used to." "Oh...okay." I'm already feeling better from it, just need to get some good running shoes. Maybe I'll get those tomorrow before work.

Midday, I watched some basketball including a showdown of two top teams, the L.A. Lakers and THE World Champion San Antonio Spurs. I love watching and analyzing basketball...almost as much as playing it. Maybe I'll have to get those shoes tomorrow and go test them out at the rec center or something...against some 16-year olds...or maybe some guys in their thirties. Whoever's there...but usually not too many people there midday. That sounds like fun. Also watched the action comedy "Bait" starring Jamie Foxx and two of my favorite B-List actors David Morse and Jeffery Donovan. It's about a small time crook (Foxx) who unknowingly knows the location of $42 million in stolen Federal Reserve gold...and in order to catch the thief, the government (headed by Morse) set him up as bait to draw out a dangerous man. It's actually really good...and Jamie Foxx is hilarious as always (well, except when winning Academy Awards) so I'd definitely recommend it...especially if you like action comedies like "Lethal Weapon", "48 Hours", "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", and all those. Also, flipped between two of my favorite movies on TV for about an hour - "Fifth Element" and "Any Given Sunday" (more Jamie Foxx & even Charlton Heston) but then I had to go to work. Anyway, here's some news for ya...

I Know a Little Something About Art - About two weeks ago, I blogged about the nude photograph of French First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy from her modeling days in 1993 going on sale at auction at Christie's Auction House…and they were expecting a modest $3000-$4000 price tag. Later on, I said that I expected it to be more around $100,000 (I believe comparing her to Jackie O) and I'll be damned if I wasn't really close. A buyer for a Chinese art collector bought the black-and-white image, taken by photographer Michel Comte for $91,000. So apparently, I do know a little something about art…when it's borderline pornography. I guess even a blind squirrel gets a nut once in a great while. Wait, I just got a great idea to raise money for autism this month. We sell photographs of first ladies, like governor's wives & senator's wives…in the nude…with all proceeds going to charity. Can you imagine? There are some real hotties out there. Wasn't Fred Thompson's wife really hot? I saw part of debate once…but it could've been somebody else's wife. I don't know, it could work…and it certainly couldn't hurt. I mean, even Maria Shriver could bring in some serious cash for those kids. She's got some of the same genes as Jackie O, right? Anyway, it's just a thought. Obviously too late to worry about raising money now…but maybe for next April.

Next Mayor of Rome? - Italy is an amazing place. There's such a rich culture & history everywhere you go on Europe's Boot. Venice, Florence, Milan, Naples, Sorrento, Capri, Como, all the majesty of nature and human history in such a small area. Besides, the women…are absolutely amazing. Great cooks, easy on the eyes, graceful, fun spirited, passionate, sexy accents, and know how to get their freak on. One of the best known Italians for getting their freak on is porn star Milly D'Abbraccio…who is now running for office. Targeting her male fan base, the veteran of Italy's adult entertainment industry has plastered images of her derriere all around the Eternal City in a bid to win a seat in Rome's city hall. If elected, D'Abbraccio wants to create a red light area with strip clubs, erotic discos and sex shops called "Love City" just kilometers away from the Vatican. Apparently, she's not the first adult film star to do this…because Ilona Staller, known as "Cicciolina", sat in parliament in the 1980s and was famous for her impromptu stripteases. My God, why can't our politics be like this? I would proudly boast a "Jameson - Lain in '69" sticker on my bumper…and on my car too. Heck, even a "Jeremy - Li'l Ron" sticker would do. Anyway, Ms. D'Abbraccio acknowledges she is a political novice but she did play a powerful lawmaker in an adult film called "L'Onorevole (The Most Honorable)" and honestly, how different could it really be? Best of luck to ma'am.

Padlock Pants - Indonesia's East Java province recently asked masseuses to wear a padlock on their pants to curb prostitution in the area…and apparently some of the masseuses are offended by it. "It is not the right way to prevent promiscuity. It insults women as if they are the ones in the wrong," says State Minister for Women's Empowerment Meuthia Hatta. She suggests that the best way to curb prostitution in massage parlors is to improve security systems and install closed circuit televisions (or charge extra for the video tape if patrons are interested). Batu is a popular tourist destination in this province for its cool climate, hot springs and mountain scenery. Indonesia has a flourishing sex industry and massage parlors are frequently a front for prostitution…but there has been a vigorous debate over morality in recent years, exposing deep divisions in the Southeast Asian Muslim-majority nation. Last month, Indonesia passed a bill to restrict access to pornographic or violent websites…and are also considering provisions that could jail people for kissing in public and criminalize many forms of art or traditional culture that hinge on sensuality, sparking criticism it could curb freedoms and hurt Indonesia's tolerant traditions. Does anybody else think this is a little bit like a schizoid nation…maybe even more so than the United States? Now, public displays of affection is one thing…but thinking that a padlock on the britches is going to curb prostitution…is pretty much forgetting that there's still a mouth and two hands. Maybe it's just some kind of law to show that they're at least putting up the family-friendly front or something…like Vegas…but this just seems weird to me. Also, looking at these pictures, have you ever seen a massage table with a headboard? I have…in China…and they didn't know what a Shiatsu Massage was when I asked them.

How to Land a Super-Hottie - No, not the book from that Snickers commercial…but this study claims to show why beautiful women marry less attractive men. Women seeking a lifelong mate might do well to choose the guy a notch below them in the looks category. New research reveals couples in which the wife is better looking than her husband are more positive and supportive than other match-ups. Researchers suspect that the reason is that men place great value on beauty, whereas women are more interested in having a supportive husband. Researchers admit that looks are subjective, but studies show there are some universal standards, including large eyes, "baby face" features, symmetric faces, so-called average faces, and specific waist-hip ratios in men versus women. So in short, the best way to find a relationship that'll last is to be supportive of one another. If somebody's going through a rough time, help them out. Don't kill her dream, help her make it come true. When it all seems like to much to handle at once, help them break it down and tackle it one step at a time. It's just like any other life-long relationship. This is very reassuring that I may end up with a superhottie girlfriend/wife one day…because I'm a pretty supportive guy…and I don't mean to toot my own horn…but a little bit of a hottie myself. Anyway, the article's pretty good and you can get the full thing in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology. All this time I thought it was just because there are about a dozen beautiful girls for each half-decent guy...but science has proved me wrong yet again. That's right, Adriana. Science has found out why you like Marko Jaric...because he's supportive...but you make yourself look so much better standing next to him.

Well, that should do it for today. Have a great day everyone...and let me know what you think about my idea for raising money for Autism. That's right, Mrs. Shriver. I'm lookin' at you.