You're My Boy, Blue!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'd like to start things off by wishing a happy first anniversary to Mr. & Mrs. Wingman on this 7th of July. Can't wait until I live within shouting distance...but in the meantime, I am going to celebrate staying in Utah for the time being...with a Rock Band party this Friday, so if you're interested. Feel free to stop by. There will be booze, charred mammal flesh, edamame, shadow puppets, the company of great people, and Rock Band with 7.1 Dolby Digital Surround Sound & projected on an over 200 inch screen (wall). Good times & lots of fun.

Yesterday, I didn't do much during the day except watch TV movie versions of "Kill Bill" (Party Wagon? Seriously?), "Ultraviolet" (my Milla fix), and possibly one of the most thoroughly funny movies ever made by man...Old School. Seriously, is there more than a minute in that movie where you don't laugh hysterically? Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, Luke Wilson, even cameos by Sean William Scott, Jeremy Piven, and Juliette Lewis are hilarious.

Based on a suggestion from the Mad Scientist though, I decided to finally go to a coffee shop and try to pick up on girls...awkwardly yet charmingly. So I went down to one of the local Beans & Brews (two within walking distance), order a Mr. B (I don't know what's in it...but I'm guessing it contains delicious crack), set up my laptop, and basically wait for people to show up...because it was a Sunday afternoon. While there, I basically just sent emails to JL Clyde to entertain her at work & checked out the news (pan down if interested). The beverage was delicious...but in the two hours that I was there...the only girl there without her boyfriend was the girl that made my beverage...and I wasn't going after her. It was later suggested that I try a place near the university which makes perfect sense...and instead of just pratting along on my keyboard...to read a book of poetry or something. Conveniently, I do have a few poetry books...that I've actually read a few times...and memorized a few back in high school (to impress the female nerds in the clubs that I was in) but mostly John Donne. So if somebody inquires about my reading...and they like their 16th century preacher poets who wrote beautiful love poetry to their jailbait nieces, then I'm good to go. Great ice breaker right there. More attempts to be mysterious & interesting later...but I think I'm too open for all that. What do you think? Based on what you've read about me on this blog...would you be interested...or am I EXACTLY what you're trying to avoid?

This morning, I helped my dad pick up an old stereo that somebody he works with (moving to Reno) was giving away...but that's not all. It was an original 1963 Pioneer stereo system with a record turntable, cassette player (probably one fo the first years), AM/FM phonograph (kid you not, that's what it said on the owner's manual...and yes, the owner's manual was with it), two CS series speakers (medium size 8" woofers), and a collection of records that was simply amazing. I'm talking the Beatles "Revolver" album, original Lynyrd Skynyrd (including the revoked one after their plane crash), Led Zeppelin "Houses of the Holy", the Ventures, the Holy Bible as narrated by the Statler Brothers, Perry Como, Bob Seger, ten kinds of Clapton (Byrds, Derek & the Dominos, God himself, etc), and many many many more with some great value to them. Thanks Ruby!!! You rock!!! Anyway, here's some news while I'm at work...

Panda Update - A panda who was relocated after China's deadly earthquake damaged her home gave birth to twin cubs on Sunday. Guo Guo is the first panda to give birth since the 7.9-magnitude quake struck Sichuan province on May 12, killing nearly 70,000 people and leaving 5 million homeless. One cub weighed 6 ounces and Guo Guo was cuddling the other cub and staffers at the Bifengxia Giant Panda Base were not able to weigh it. The report did not give the sex of the twins. This is awesome news...because not only are the pandas breeding...bu they're doing so in Brangelina fashion...two at a time. Maybe the techniques that I kept telling them about when I was over there in China are finally starting to pay off three years later. Yeah, I know. I should be used to being right all the time...but it still startles me once in a while...because statistically, I have to be wrong at least once in a while, right? It's simple mathematics & probability. Anyway, congratulations to Guo Guo & now...during the next hundred days, I'm sure they'll have a contest to name the twins...and might I suggest Ren & Stimpy...or whatever that translates to in Chinese (probably "Angry Rat Dog" & "Nasty Pussy Cat" or something). Maybe they can just wait until Angelina has her litter...and copy them. I still think Ling Ling's a good strong name too. Any other suggestions? (God help you if you say Mary Kate & Ashley)

Pompeii Update - Now, I may have mentioned during my travels there in November that I've always wanted to make a movie about Pompeii now that we have CGI technology & the option of an orgy scene in the movie industry...not like "The Last Days of Pompeii" back in the 50's. However, the Italian government declared a state of emergency at the Pompeii archaeological site on Friday to try to rescue one of the world's most important cultural treasures from decades of neglect. A cabinet statement said it would appoint a special commissioner for Pompeii, the ancient Roman city buried by an eruption of the Vesuvius volcano in AD 79 and now a UNESCO World Heritage site. Archaeologists and art historians have long complained about the poor upkeep of Pompeii, dogged by lack of investment, mismanagement, litter and looting. Bogus tour guides, illegal parking attendants and stray dogs also plague visitors. (But the dogs are really cute & friendly though) Some 2.5 million tourists visit Pompeii each year, making it one of Italy's most popular attractions, and many have expressed shock at the site's decay. Basically, the report says that at least 150 square meters of fresco & plaster work are lost each year due to erosion (and probably unlicensed patron souveniors) and preservation that started thirty years ago isn't cutting it. In fact, the parts of the city that haven't been excavated yet...are literally a trash dump for the nearby city of Naples and is scattered with tires, fridges, and mattresses. Truly sad...but I'm sure that the Italian government will find a way to preserve this incredible place. I mean...it's not like they've elected porn stars or anything. Oh wait...maybe we should help them out. Nah, the Euro's stronger than the dollar now. It's their problem. Feel free to check out my pictures from last year.

Wax Figures: The New Clowns? - In our pursuit to preserve history, sometimes we do some silly things. We've turned the Leaning Tower of Pisa into a symbol of a great nation full or sooooo many cooler things. We display bones of people & giant animals that no longer exist in museums...and yet there's still a market for endangered animal skins. However, wax museums are filled with figures of humans throughout history to...well, basically show just how creepy it would be to see them frozen in time...in three dimensions. Like you went back to a moment in time...yet were frozen there (so you could give Napoleon a wedgie or put his hand down his pants instead of in his lapel or something). Now, they recently opened a Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in Berlin...and of course, when you think of the history of Germany, who's the first person that comes into mind? No, not David Hasselhoff, the other guy. No, not Dirk Nowitzki, shorter...with a silly moustache. Geraldo's not German, not even close. I'm talking about Hitler. Anyway, on opening day a 41-year old German man tore the head off the Hitler wax figure and I'm guessing the authorities stopped him before he could skull f**k the former German dictator responsible for the death of millions.

Now, the interesting thing about this story in my opinion, is that it is illegal in Germany to show Nazi symbols and art glorifying Hitler and the exhibit was cordoned off to stop visitors posing with him. Unobtrusive signs asked visitors to refrain from taking photos or posing with Hitler "out of respect for the millions of people who died during World War Two". Camera surveillance and museum officials were meant to stop inappropriate behaviour. Institutions such as the foundation for Germany's central Holocaust memorial site condemned the idea of the exhibit as tasteless, saying it had been included to generate business...so why did this seem like a good idea to the museum? When I went to the Wax Museum in Barcelona, they had a whole array of Socialist dictators on display...but they're still a Socialist nation. It just seems...obviously they saw it coming, hence the security around the figure. It's like opening one of those wax museums in Detroit and having a Klan leader figure next to Osama Bin Ladin. Somebody's going to get shot...and that's probably before the museum opens. Anyway, it's just weird, I guess.

Well, that'll do it for me today. Have a groovy day...and I'll probably see ya tomorrow. Happy Anniversary to the Wingmans once again!!! "Brown chicka brown brown, brown chicky chicky brown..."

MORE COWBELL!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night after meetings, I went over to Filly's house and basically we played Rock Band, watched some South Park (yes, including Guitar Queer-O), and ate pizza. It was good clean wholesome fun...except for Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo. Other than that, not really much to tell. Today, I have the day off so I was going to get some stuff done around the house...then Bubbles is in town, so we'll probably hang out & have a few drinks (shocking, I know) but really no plans or anything. She does know that I work Friday & Saturday nights though...and she's a little bummed...but she'll get over it...and I'll be off at midnight. Well, according to the Classy & Fabulous Katie's blog, today is Air Conditioning Appreciation Day, Compliment Your Mirror Day, and Independence Day...for Belarus. I've already complimented myself in the mirror (every day in my world), going to appreciate the AC in my car, and congratulations to the Belarusians. Enjoy the sweet savory taste of Freedom. Anyway, here's some real news...

Panda Update - South China may get its first panda breeding centre, taking over some of the animals driven from their home by last month's powerful earthquake in the country's far southwest. The Xiangjiang Safari Park in Guangzhou, capital of Guangdong province, is applying to the State Forestry Administration for permission to breed the endangered animals. "The park has all it takes for panda breeding ... with the state-of-the-art infrastructure and our rich experience of taking care of rare animals like pandas, koalas and golden monkeys," said Zhang Delu, a park official. Currently only Beijing, Fujian province in the southeast, and Sichuan province in the southwest have panda breeding centres...and of course, the one in the Sichuan province was damaged by that May 12th 8.0 earthquake and millions in the area are homeless...so their attention is elsewhere. Best of luck, Xiangjiang Safari Park!!!

Madagascar 2: Marty & Alex Go to Amsterdam - Amsterdam police say 15 camels, two zebras and an undetermined number of llamas and potbellied swine briefly escaped from a traveling Dutch circus after a giraffe kicked a hole in their cage. The animals were back at the circus later Monday after being rounded up by police and circus workers with the assistance of dogs. Aben says neighbors fed some of the animals, which he said was a bad idea, but they were tame and nobody was hurt. Says police spokesperson Arnout Aben: "You have to imagine somebody rubbing his eyes first thing in the morning and saying, 'Am I seeing things or is that 15 camels walking past?'" See what happens when you shrink the Red Light District? The animals see weakness...and smell fear. "Ah-ha, they are intimidated by our styles once again!!! Now is the time to strike!!! Llama infantry, ATTACK!!!" "Yes General Jaffe (because seriously, what else are you going to name a giraffe?)"

Does the Earth Cry? - Astronomers have discovered that Earth emits an ear-piercing series of chirps and whistles that could be heard by any aliens who might be listening. The sound is awful, a new recording from space reveals. Scientists have known about the radiation since the 1970s. It is created high above the planet, where charged particles from the solar wind collide with Earth's magnetic field. It is related to the phenomenon that generates the colorful aurora, or Northern Lights. The radio waves are blocked by the ionosphere, a charged layer atop our atmosphere, so they do not reach Earth. That's good, because the out-of-this-world radio waves are 10,000 times stronger than even the strongest military signal, the researchers said, and they would overwhelm all radio stations on the planet. This flat beam could be detected by aliens who've figured this process out, the researchers say. The knowledge could also be used by Earth's astronomers to detect planets around other stars, if they can build a new radio telescope big enough for the search. They could also learn more about Jupiter and Saturn by studying AKR, which should emit from the auroral activity on those worlds. Now, when I listened to it, I thought it was a lot like the sounds from the Transformers movie (and probably was used for it) but there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of importance to it. If aliens were able to hear the noise, it would be like them hearing wind blow through the trees...only a LOT less calming. Then again, what if the Earth is talking to us...or aliens...and this is their SOS signal? Yeah, probably not...but I'm just trying to make this interesting to somebody else other than me.

Sherlock Holmes Movie - Speaking of things that may make the Earth cry, "Talladega Nights" trio Sacha Baron Cohen, Will Ferrell and producer Judd Apatow are re-teaming on an untitled Sherlock Holmes comedy for Sony Pictures. Cohen will play detective Holmes and Ferrell will play his assistant Watson. Inspired by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes tales, the plot is being kept under wraps but the article was quick to point out that the film has nothing to do with the proposed 2010 Guy Ritchie-directed Warner Bros. Pictures drama "Sherlock Holmes". Really? Wouldn't have guessed that with Borat playing Sherlock Holmes & Ron Burgundy as Watson. For some reason, I don't see Guy Ritchie getting involved with that. It may be a funny movie...but I'm still waiting for the announcement of the Will Ferrell biker movie costarring Martin Klebba.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. I'll catch up with you on INDEPENDENCE DAY!!! Fireworks, hot dogs & burgers, cold beers, and...oh yeah, 8 hours of work during primetime for that stuff. Why did I decide to work that shift? Honestly, I was planning on being in Vegas by this time, remember? Funny how things work out. Have a great day everybody!!!

Sweet Sweet Delusion

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Do you ever have that feeling that some things just happen for a reason? Like...no matter what happens, it's going to be okay, because as long as you lead a good life, live to make others happy as well as yourself, and love those around you, things will work itself out. I feel that way all the time...mostly because I'm somewhat delusional...but I just have faith in what I can control and everything else will just do what it do. It keeps my stress levels low...almost dangerously low. It also helps me to realize that sometimes all you need is a little patience, peace & quiet, and a good friend or family member to call to cheer you up...and you can do just about anything. It's a service that I'm more than happy to provide & utilize given the situation presented to me. If any of you are ever feeling down, just call up $teve and he's more than happy to help out. Hell, if he's within driving distance, Dr. Love may make a house call. Free of charge.

For example, last night I got a call from my buddy Bubbles...and she was feeling really lonely. I tried my best to console her & keep her positive...but sometimes you just have to sit back, listen, and let them vent. Unfortunately, it got to the point of Bubbles crying...and because women crying is my kryptonite, I was kind of in a gloomy Gus mood. I worry about her. She's my buddy...and so far away. You know how it is. So I basically made her promise to relax, get some sleep, call me in the morning so I had something to look forward to, and know that no matter what happens I'm gonna be her friend. That seemed to work. Hopefully it did.

So there I was...in a gloomy mood despite watching the Celtics win the championship & see other legendary athletes like Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, & Doc Rivers cry like whipped puppies too. Then I flip it to the other channel I was watching...and it's "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" which makes me think of Bubbles...because we watched it once and she reminds me of Angelina (you've seen the pictures). Then I figure that I'll check my email or something before the late night cartoon lineup starts (exciting life that I lead) and I'm greeted with this picture from JL Clyde...

Awesome, right? Well, now for the best thing to sum it all up. I then immediately got a call from my sister-in-law...telling me about their latest trip to Wal-Mart. They were in the toy aisle...and all of a sudden she hears my niece Kairi behind her yell out "$TEVE!!!" She turned around...and saw Kairi sitting on the floor with a mini-RoboPanda trying to tear it out of the box...then she looked up at her mom, lifted the box, and kept saying "$TEVE!!! $TEVE!!! $TEVE!!!" So grandpa was there...and bought it for her. Tell me that's not the cutest thing you've heard all day. You see? I was there for my friend in her time of need...it made me feel a little down...but then I saw grown men crying with me, showing that it was okay to have some emotions. Then I caught one of the best parts of one of my favorite movies of all time (it was the husband-wife shoot-out that ends in fiery, violent, passionate coitus). Then a cheerful picture from a friend pointing out my natural tendencies to look directly at the best of everything...and then topped off with an incredibly cute story showing the kind of impact I have on a lovely little niece of mine. Karma comes back around. That's why I'm somewhat delusional...and I can only hope that some of you out there share my condition. It's great. Ignorance truly is bliss. Now for today's news...

Today's news is dedicated to…well, there's kind of a theme to it I think. Some days you just look at your situation…and I think everybody would like to have that special someone waiting for you when you get home asking you how your day was…or a friend you can BS with to get through the day…or a family member always quick to tell you how much they love you…or at least a great booty call…and this newsreel is pretty much dedicated to that idea. Enjoy. Preferably with others.

Monkey Hugs - Who doesn't like hugs & kisses? Consensual, of course (shout out to my brothers in Cell Block 4). For most folks, a nice hug and some sympathy can help a bit after we get pushed around. Turns out, chimpanzees use hugs and kisses the same way. And it works. Researchers studying people's closest genetic relatives found that stress was reduced in chimps that were victims of aggression if a third chimp stepped in to offer consolation. Dr. Orlaith Fraser says, "Consolation usually took the form of a kiss or embrace. This is particularly interesting because this behavior is rarely seen other than after a conflict. If a kiss was used, the consoler would press his or her open mouth against the recipient's body, usually on the top of the head or their back. An embrace consisted of the consoler wrapping one or both arms around the recipient." Further research may lead to the pure primal instincts behind Pity Sex…since there appears to be a correlation. Wait, actually I've just been informed that is not the reason for further research. Perhaps it'll just be an incidental discovery…like Post-Its and penicillin.

Sexbot Update - The Japanese firm Sega Toys has produced a 38 cm (15 inch) tall robotic girlfriend that kisses on command, to go on sale in September for around $175, with a target market of lonely adult men. Using her infrared sensors and battery power, the diminutive damsel named "EMA" (Eternal Maiden Actualization) puckers up for nearby human heads, entering what designers call its "Love mode." She can also sing, dance, hand out business cards, and entertain party guests apparently. Spokeswoman Minako Sakanoue (who may soon be out of a job) says, "Strong, tough and battle-ready are some of the words often associated with robots, but we wanted to break that stereotype and provide a robot that's sweet and interactive." We all know where this is going. They're just testing the interacting, compassionate, heat-seeking software for the larger models. I must admit, I'm fairly impressed with the sleek, aerodynamic design…and I'm assuming the batteries are located in her chest (Hotchuma hotchuma). Sega hopes to sell 10,000 in the first year…and they'll probably get that easily (millions of lonely people out there) but at least they're trying to make sexbots appear personal & sympathetic…because after a hard day at work, don't we all just want a little heat-seeking hottie to hug & kiss us and make it all better? Don't look at me like that. I'm not going to buy one. My RoboPanda has completely creeped me out. I'll wait until all the kinks have been worked out…and perhaps date in the meantime. You never know. Stranger things have happened.

Soccer is STILL Boring - Even during Euro 2008, it seems nothing can make soccer (futbol) interesting to me. Sure, it's nice to go to a bar and watch drunken people with funny accents argue about why Scots are better than Portuguese during the hours between goals…but in that instance, I'm interested in the people, not the game. However, there was a mildly interesting idea presented last week when a match organized by a chatroom website features a topless women's soccer team from Germany played a similarly clad team from Austria. The six-a-side teams wore nothing but thongs, with the national colors painted on to their bare skin. The football may not have been of the highest quality but that did not temper the enthusiasm of a mostly male crowd boosted by a sizeable media presence only too happy to desert Euro 2008 training for an hour or two. Austria won 10-5 but the real purpose was to help motivate their male counterparts in Euro 2008. Doris Fastenmeir said, "I hope our men will take heart from that tomorrow. We played pretty hard, we even had some injuries, like I for example broke my toe nail." The Germans took defeat sportingly and joined their opponents for alcopops and dancing at a beach club alongside the Danube. However, the quote of the day goes to German goaltender Jana Bach who said, "I was supposed to hold the balls but I really have no idea how to do that. Maybe it is because I am not all that much into soccer. I am more into shoes to be honest." Don't be coy. You know how to handle those balls. Be proud.

Utah Bikini Ban Lifted - In the city of Kanab (southern Utah), a ban on bikini swimwear is being lifted…and called an oversight for a new public pool called the Cowboy Water'n Hole, opening July 4th. City Councilwoman Nina Laycook said, "My recommendation is going to be no thongs or string bikinis. We were so engrossed with safety and health issues we overlooked the wording. We are addressing that now by amending the policy." The restrictions were not popular, even in the conservative community where the council passed a resolution in 2006 to favor the "natural family" consisting of a working husband, a stay-at-home wife and a "full quiver of children." Is that what a natural family is? I consider my family pretty natural. My mom WISHES she could have stayed at home. Exactly how many children are in a quiver? Are they arrows now? Projectiles to be fired upon neighbor's dogs? My parents were one of seventeen children…and one of eight children…so they decided to have two. Their choice…and apparently a wise one since I have a lot of stepsiblings now. Anyway, congrats on catching this oversight. Now do you see why moving to Vegas may be a really good move for me. I want a little more craziness, excitement, and perfectly tanned & oiled skin walking around the pool…and streets. Turning the temperature up about twenty degrees outta do that nicely.

Anyway, that oughta do it for me today. I've already rambled on long enough. Tonight's a work outing party with some of my favorite people in all the world like JL Clyde, the Mad Scientist, Lilie, Captain Monty, Camb, Cat, Mickey, and a few Boss Ladies. It should be fun. I may get pictures. Also, for anybody interested, Alisa's husband's band Slow Ride is going to the Huka Lounge in Murray Thursday night...and I plan on going & having a good time. I'm told they do "white guy reggae" music, so you can't go wrong. Throw back a few Red Stripes and sing along. Hooray beer!!! Have a great day everybody!!!

Call Me Meester Pig

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

First and foremost, a very happy birthday to my blonde buddy JJ in Denver, who's always a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Sorry about the brevity of yesterday's entry (Lilie) but I was exhausted…and frankly, the game was on…and it was a good game. The Lakers won, so the season isn't over quite yet. There's at least a glimmer of hope. Anyway, enough about that, let's get to what happened over the weekend.


I'd like to say that I saw a movie Thursday night that was allegedly a comedy…but was easily one of the stupidest and most boring movies of all time. It's called "Smiley Face" and stars Anna Faris, Danny Masterson, & John Krasinski…but there's a reason that you haven't heard of it…because it's REALLY stupid…and that's a bold statement coming from me. It's the story of a lady pothead (Faris) and the 'adventures' that she has…doing absolutely nothing right. Now, it's a low budget independent film…but I've been surprised before…so I thought that I'd give it a shot. I'm regretting it now. Don't watch it. Don't fall for the "Like Harold & Kumar…but with a hot chick" kind of thing…because it is NOTHING like Harold & Kumar…though Harold (John Cho) is in it as a day player…along with Danny Trejo. Anyway, don't watch this movie. It's the new Flush It on my Stoner Movie list (sorry "Homegrown" but you weren't meant as a comedy anyway). Spend that 90 minutes of your life doing something else productive. Call up an old friend that you've been meaning to or something, anything but watch this movie. I also got a wonderful gift from Mickey, it's a talking Po from Kung Fu Panda (which I have still yet to see) from a value meal apparently. He kicks ass...and now he's in his natural environment...my crib. Skadoosh!!!



Friday morning, I woke up bright and early…because I double checking my packing and was expecting to be picked up around "Ten…10:30 at the latest" because my mom & stepdad had decided to wake up early…or so I was told. I called around 10:30 and they were just about to leave their house…which is over an hour away. Awesome. Two hours later, they pick me up at my house. Okay, it was to be expected…because I anticipated this & thus suggested that they try to show up early. If I hadn't done that, they might have picked me up around sunset. It's not their fault that I had plans to hang out with friends in Vegas…because it didn't concern them. Why should it, right? Anyway, can't complain because it was "a free ride" down there…and seriously, what was I expecting? I've traveled with them before. Kudos to my stepdad for not stopping every twenty minutes to take a ten minute leak (old age must suck) like last time.


Though we were already several hours late, they insisted on getting some lunch at La Taqueria (originally Café Rio but it proved to hard to find in Orem). So yes, I was to spend the next 6-8 hours in a truck with three 50-year olds after they had Mexican food. You know what though, it's like the Great Steve Miller once said, "You got to go through Hell before you…get to Heaven."


The drive wasn't actually that bad. It was scenic & beautiful outside the windows. We discussed gas prices of course (never thought the $75 limit on using credit cards would be a major issue until we needed to fill the tank) and how we were going to overcome them by using solar, wind, & magic power. That's right, I mentioned that I was going to be the first to design a sportscar that is fueled solely by hopes, dreams, and sexual frustration. I even mentioned the possibility of a car that runs on urine…so you may never have to stop at a convenience store ever again. Anyway, I'll keep you posted on how my car design comes through. Also, my mom & stepdad are really bad freeway drivers. My mom lacks the focus to pay attention to the road for more than thirty seconds at a time…and my stepdad has a hard time staying awake for more than an hour sitting up. Yet they wouldn't let me drive…because they're stubborn. With my mom, we came up with a new term called Gawk Blocking. It's when you keep the driver focused on keeping the truck on the road (before he/she hits those annoying yet apparently necessary shoulder bumps) because he/she is looking at the mountains out his/her side window. Luckily, I was sitting behind her…so I could see when she had a wandering eye. "Hey, watch the road Grandma." I like to throw that out there…because it's true…and she yells it to other drivers all the time…doing the exact same stuff that she does. Love ya mom. Here's what you miss sometimes as the driver on the trip from Slick City to Mesquite / Vegas…




Eventually we got to Mesquite…about three hours later than originally planned…and it took a half hour to get them checked in…so I was a little frustrated…but I got over it quickly once I called Bubbles to let her know that I was on my way & she was "super excited" to see me. The only bad part was that now I was driving pretty much into the sunset…in a truck...that I had never driven before…through the construction of North Las Vegas and to the other side of town…on a Friday night. Wasn't too happy about being given that set of circumstances…but I traversed it without resistance & made it to Bubbles' house. I was greeted by her & her 6-year old roommate Keanna. Now, the last time I was down there, Keanna did nothing other than peek around the corner…and then give out a girlish super screech and run into her room when she saw me (so she obviously liked me…but was a little kid). I heard Bubbles say to her through the doorway before it was opened, "This is my bestest buddy Cookie. Please don't scream this time, okay? He's my buddy." So then the door opens…and I'm greeted and Keanna's kind of shy and standing by the door, so I kneel down and say hi. She smiles and within a few seconds, she's asking me if I want to play. Little kids love me…eventually. They're just usually scared by my size first…but they warm up to me.


Bubbles & I got ready and went to meet up with a few of her friends & their daughter for dinner at Red Lobster. It was…well, dinner at Red Lobster. Good but not great, company was awesome though. We had a great time…and their 4-year old daughter was a cutie. After dinner, we took her back home so that her grandma could watch her…and then the four of us went to a Karaoke club at Imperial Palace Casino to have a few drinks & embarrass ourselves harmoniously. However, almost as soon as we got there…Bubbles started having a migraine…so after about an hour, it became unbearable, so we all headed home for the night. Here are some pictures before that happened though…

At least one wasn't too busy to pose...

HT & Bubbles

Hotchuma Hotchuma!!!

So basically that night, being the ultimate friend, I doubled as her Migraine Butler & helped her to find a dark, serene environment with extra strength Tylenol, cold water, wet rags for her forehead, and anything else that she needed. I was pretty tired anyway (stress from the drive) so it's all good. The next morning, she was feeling a little better. So we decided to hang out at her house with her roommates. Keanna & I played games like drawing, throwing blankets on each other, and the like. Her roommates made a wonderful lunch with pork chops, Mac & cheese, corn on the cob, salad, and mashed potatoes. It was delicious. However, they were also getting their air conditioner fixed midday…when it was about 107…and that wouldn't have been so bad…if Keanna wasn't so damn squealy…and Barbie's little rat dog Bocephus (after Hank Williams jr) wasn't yapping at the repair man every few minutes…so that caused Bubbles' migraines to get worse again…so we decided to leave & hang out at my hotel room, air conditioned & away from loud noises.


Keanna & Me

Barbie & Bocephus (AC was out)

Bubbles & Keanna

Oh, we also met up with a former Boss Lady of mine Isadora who works at the hotel that I was staying at. I mentioned to her my situation (hiring freeze at potential employer, nobody seems to be hiring in the area right now, ready to move, etc.) and she made a few calls right there because she had remembered something about a position they've been trying to find a good fit for at her hotel. Now, I had investigated that hotel before…and this position…but it had mentioned management requirements and stuff that I didn’t have per se. She talked with the guy in charge of that department…and long story short, good starting salary, pay for relocation, 12 month commitment (or I have to give the relocation back), and I should definitely apply…and it's pretty much the same position that I was applying for at the other hotel. So yeah, I may have to throw my hat into the ring (or however that saying goes) and see what happens. Yeah, I was trying to avoid a workplace on the Strip…but it's easy access from all angles (that's what she said) and its financial situation is a lot more stable…because it's with timeshares instead of hotels, so the money's paid in advance. They're building extra towers while other hotels are laying off managers. It might not be a bad situation for me. I'm definitely going to look into it. I'll keep you posted as always.



Anyway, back to the trip. Bubbles & I basically hung out at the hotel room watching TV at a low volume, with the lights out, ordered a Hawaiian pizza (surprisingly bad for the price), tried to ease her pain with my sultry Barry White baritone voice, and eventually lulled her to sleep. So I used that time to make a few calls, order the pizza, set up the time to pick up the oldies in Mesquite, say hi to the Wingman & Mrs. Wingman to set up lunch the next day…but the next day was Father's Day & Mrs. Wingman's birthday…so they already had plans. It's all good though. Then I flipped through the channels and watch parts of probably half a dozen movies like "Braveheart", "Sleepless in Seattle" (she was awake for that one), "Scary Movie" on Comedy Central, and so on. Bubbles wasn't sleeping well, having nightmares, so I was there if she needed a glass of water, a comforting rub on the shoulder, back, or neck, a reassuring word, and anything else. Sure, it's not the wild weekends that Vegas is famous for…but honestly, I went there to hang out with Bubbles…and that's what I was doing. Besides, I'd hate to think of her having serious migraines like that…and having to deal with her roommates and their squealing daughter & dog…without air conditioning (which wasn't fixed until 1 AM apparently). See? Things happen for a reason. She was miserable the weekend before in San Diego because her sister was less than helpful…but that's why she has a friend like me. We should all be so lucky.


Sunday morning, we had a fairly early checkout of 10 AM (would've been a lot worse if we had actually partied) so we checked out and went to the Sunday Brunch at Fiesta Henderson again. Great value for $12.99 and a full buffet complete with mimosas & crab legs. Oh…and fortune cookies. Yesterday, my fortune cookie said, "Focus on yellow tomorrow to achieve success…in bed." So either I'm looking for a beautiful Asian today…or I'm going to have bladder problems. We had a great breakfast, Bubbles' headache was gone & she was ever so grateful, and we even spent a few bucks gambling before heading back to her house.


It was already around noon by the time we got back to her house, so I was only able to hang out for about an hour before heading back to Mesquite / Slick City. If I were truly a prick, I would've left about three hours later…but I'm not…and like I said, it was a free ride down. So a few minutes into "Dragonheart" (really wanted to see Dina Meyer in that one), I had to leave…and I did so with big hugs from Bubbles & Keanna (who comprise all of the people in the world who call me Cookie).


We drove back pretty event free…except that I was trying to sleep…but couldn't because (as stated) my mom & stepdad drive like crap so I would doze off, then the truck would suddenly jerk and slam my head into the "Oh sh*t!" handle. Not the window…the "Oh sh*t" handle…right in the temple…because I love being so tall. So yeah, after a few deep brain bruises, I just stayed awake and gawk blocked my mom while she drove. We eventually made it back to my house a little after 9 PM and I immediately called Bubbles to let her know that I had made it home safe & sound. After that, blogged for a few seconds, watched the end of the game, and then some Family Guy & a new Venture Brothers episode. All of which were awesome…then slept like a babe until I came to work. Oh yeah, thanks Mom...for the wonderful little book of Hand Shadows. I'll be sure to put it to good use with my projector TV. Always great with the gifts...



So my Vegas adventure really wasn't much of an adventure per se…but it served it's purpose. I got to hang out with my buddy Bubbles, have fun, find out about job opportunities, and not work. All the important stuff about a good vacation. Big ups to JL Clyde for covering for me on Saturday last minute…and to Lilie for her help on Friday. You ladies rock!!! Next time you're in Vegas, I'll hook ya up…hopefully. That's really about all that I have for today. Again, happy birthday to JJ in Denver!!! We haven't forgotten you. Have a great day everybody!!!

Raul Julia Rules

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Still no news on Vegas. I know...I'm sorry. Would help out if I could...but basically just spent the day with my dad helping him with stuff around the house and watching "Rambo", "Jumper" (which I've already talked about...but did see the missing first 15 minutes of Jumper that I missed the first time...still sucked) and "Tequila Sunrise" with Mel Gibson, Michelle Pfeiffer (smokin'), Kurt Russell, and the late great Raul Julia. This is a pretty good movie about a pair of buddies. One's a cop (Russell), the other's a drug middleman trying to go straight (Gibson) and they both fall for a stunning restauranteur (Pfeiffer) while they're trying to work out their professional troubles. Raul Julia is his usual awesome self too. Check it out if you haven't already. Not sold? There's fairly steamy late 80's Pfeiffer-on-Gibson action. Now what? Anyway, like I said, that's about it...so here's the news...


Bikinis Make Men Impulsive - New research shows that bikinis and other sexy stimuli can make men more prone to seek immediate gratification - leading to blown diets, budgets and bank accounts. In other news, the sun does indeed rise in the East. In the study, detailed in the Journal of Consumer Research, men fondled t-shirts and bras and viewed ads with women in bikinis. After doing so, figures showed that men valued the future less and the present more. It wasn't that the men were simply distracted by their sexual arousal, which caused them to choose more impulsively. On the contrary, they exhibited improved cognition and creativity after exposure to sexy stimuli (I know my imagination goes wild). The researchers conclude that there is one common appetite system in the brain monitoring our desire for a host of pleasures from sweets to pretty faces, alcohol to lotto winnings. When it is stimulated by, say, a sexy picture or the smell of baked goods, we experience a general craving for anything pleasant. Lead research Bram Van Den Bergh and colleagues rendered the bikini-effect powerless by satiating the stirred appetite with a different type of reward - financial security. When the men felt well-off, the bikinis lost their influence. But if they considered themselves among the have-nots, they were likely to seek immediate gratification after seeing women running in bikinis. The research is somewhat interesting…and you can read on with the link. It's another excuse for me to through up a picture of a woman in a bikini. You're welcome, men. Now buy my stuff.


Fishing is Instinctive - Long-tailed macaque (pronounced Ma-Cock) monkeys have a reputation for knowing how to find food — whether it be grabbing fruit from jungle trees or snatching a banana from a startled tourist. Now, researchers say they have discovered groups of the silver-haired monkeys in Indonesia that fish. The species had been known to eat fruit and forage for crabs and insects, but never before fish from rivers. Some other primates have exhibited fishing behavior including Japanese macaques, chacma baboons, olive baboons, chimpanzees and orangutans. Why is this such startling research to the science community? Men finally have a reason to explain why they go fishing…because it's part of their mammalian instincts. Man (and apparently our ancestors) cannot live on fruit and random tourist banana alone. Notre Dame anthropologist Agustin Fuentes says, "It was not surprising to me because they are very adaptive. If you provide them with an opportunity to get something tasty, they will do their best to get it." So ladies…got off your man's back about going fishing. If you want him to stay home, get on his front & offer him something tastier…like some sweet, sweet sugar…then you'll both be happy.


General's Fried Chicken - It's the Bomb!!! - Simsbury (CT) police Capt. Matthew Catania says a motorist noticed the a roasted chicken on the side of the road Friday morning. The problem with this one…was that there was a pipe bomb stuffed inside of instead of the giblets. He says the bomb was large enough to harm a person if it went off. The road was closed while the Hartford Police Department's bomb squad came and blew up the chicken. Nobody was injured. No arrests had been made Monday night. What kind of person would destroy a perfectly good roasted chicken that way? Actually, I probably would. At least it wasn't like a firecracker and a cat or something. This chicken was already roasted & honey glazed…then they just added that little kick. I don't know…some people are just weird. Besides, watermelons are so much more fun for that kind of thing. At least it gave me an excuse to pull out the "Undercover Brother" reference. Billy Dee Williams should be a spokesperson for fried chicken. "I used to work at the Pentagon…now I help you get your chicken on."


Panda Update - Nearly a month after she was crushed to death when China's devastating earthquake collapsed the wall of her enclosure, 9-year-old Mao Mao was laid to rest Tuesday in a wooden crate and wheeled to a quiet corner of the Wolong panda breeding center. The center's director stood cap in hand and shoveled in a few spades of dirt. Then Mao Mao's keeper, He Changgui stepped forward crying, and arranged two apples and a piece of bread by the grave. Three minutes of silence followed as workers gathered around the grave. As He Changgui turned away red-eyed after Tuesday's burial, the director of U.S.-based Pandas International, Suzanne Braden, put her arm around him. "You must look after her babies, OK?" said Braden, who had arrived a day earlier to survey the quake damage and help in the recovery. "And their babies." He nodded. "I will go back to see her everyday." The facility was badly damaged by the May 12th quake but officials initially thought all 64 pandas had survived. Tell me that stuff isn't touching though. Unfortunately, we've all had to bury loved ones. It's one of the tragedies and beauties of life…that we're all mortal (except the Highlander & Dracula) and our precious time on this planet must be lived to the fullest. I just think that it's amazing, the kind of ceremony for a fallen panda…and I could only hope that when I pass on (hopefully a few millennia from now) that I would be remembered well. Mao Mao Zai Jian. May you be surrounded by hot Panda tail in the next realm.


Anyway, that'll about do it for me today. Nothing much else to rant about...so I guess I'll see ya around. Oh, how about this little "Firefly" test to find out what character I am? Apparently, I'm the nerdy & brilliant Dr. Simon Tam...who ends up tapping the hot mechanic Kaylee. Booyakasha!!! However, I can't seem to get it to fit my blog...but whatever. That would've been my guess too. Have a great day everybody!!!

Only Good Bug is a Dead Bug

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So yesterday, I received a text message from my sister-in-law saying "Grant me the strength not to kill your brother!" So I responded the only way that I could, "KAZAAAM!!! There, it has been done. What's up with you guys today?" Apparently my brother was sick yesterday...so she didn't go to school & was home watching the kids (because they don't want sick kids too) and my brother, while playing video games, allegedly yelled at her because while she was vacuuming, a baby gate was opened, and Kairi pretty much tore it from the wall. You know, stupid stuff, right? Now, I'll be the last person to argue that my brother is not an asshole. In fact, when he's not being one, I question whether he's some kind of cyborg from the future...or wonder what the hell he wants now. So I just reassured her that she's a great mother, we all know it, he's just feeling horrible and taking it out on you, Kairi's almost the Terrible Two now, and if she needed somebody to talk to...I'm here all day. She thanked me and I'm assuming had a better day.

I also got a text message from Randy Randy that said he read the trailer for a new book in his book club that said, "A femmebot is humanity's last chance to live again" and thought of me. Apparently, he reads the blog. I wasn't able to find out the book online...but it's probably the first time that somebody did anything involving books...and thought of me.

Yesterday, I also watched one of my favorite bad movies of all time - "Starship Troopers" with Denise Richards, Neil Patrick Harris, Casper Van Dien, Jake Busey, and Dina Meyer (so hot). Why do I like this movie so damn much? I mean, it's got all the teenage drama of 90210, the patriotism of a Navy commercial, some of the greatest corny news clips ever (Would you like to know more?), a higher visible body count than I believe any movie ever made, Doogie, and a plot that just seems absolutely ridiculous. I mean...when the movie starts with a news clip about bugs hurling meteors at Earth from the other side of the galaxy, then you know there's going to be some disbelief involved. Oh...and the bugs don't really eat, just rip people apart...and there are some with flamethrowers...and others that blast gigantic plasma charges out of their anus...and not to be a bit of a spoiler...but there are some that literally suck the brains out of people's skulls...and gain their knowledge by doing so. However, I still watch this movie. I happen to know that it's one of my brother's favorites too. What are your feelings on this movie?

I also got to thinking...have I seen anything else that Dina Meyer has been in since "Starship Troopers" (I did mention that she was hot, right? Moreso than Denise Richards...and that's saying a lot). I remember her in "Dragonheart" because it was a bitchin' movie with a hot redhead and she was Kerry the Jigsaw Killer expert in the "Saw" movies. Other than that, a bunch of TV and straight to DVD stuff mostly...including a "Wild Things: Diamonds in the Rough" that can ONLY mean nudity. She's also apparently in a recently finished thriller called "The Lost" with Lacey Chabert and Armand Assante. I have no idea what it's about...but I wouldn't mind getting lost with Dina & Lacey.

Junior gets 600 - Back when I kinda gave a damn about baseball (long long time ago), my favorite player was Ken Griffey jr, then with the Seattle Mariners (went to a game as a kid and he hit a homer). He was an amazing player...and was supposed to be the guy that broke Hank Aaron's records and all of that. Then he decided to take a big contract to play for his hometeam the Cincinatti Reds...and then he unfortunately was injured for the next decade or so. He's a great guy, never involved with any of that steroid stuff, his dad played in the big leagues, Willie Mays is his Godfather, even when the Reds fans started to kind of turn on him for being injured all the time, he took all the responsibility on himself. I'm glad that he finally became the 6th player in MLB history to get 600 homers...and I can only imagine how many he would have if he hadn't been injured all the time. Congratulations Junior!!!

Vinny Del Negro is a New Coach - Former Spurs guard Vinny Del Negro (or Vinny the Black as I called him for many years) is the new head coach of the Chicago Bulls. He played college ball at NC State under coach Jim Valvano, then in the NBA for twelve years and five teams (including Spurs before the championships), and has been in the Phoenix Suns front office the past two years. Now he gets to take over the Bulls, who have a lot of young talent and the top pick in the NBA draft. Also this week, former Blazers guard Terry Porter was hired as coach of the Suns & former Pistons center Michael Curry has been hired as the Pistons new head coach. I wish you guys all the best of luck...but more to Vinny the Black...because he was a Spur. That's how I roll. Still confused why Avery Johnson doesn't have a coaching job yet. It's not his fault the Mavericks blew it.

Leo to Play Chuck E. Cheese - Paramount Pictures announced that they've picked up the rights to a biopic called "Atari" about Nolan Bushnell, one of the founding fathers of video games. He cofounded Atari in 1972, made arcade games, home counsels, computers, invented Pong, and started Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Time Theatre. Leonardo DiCaprio is producing and starring...once he's done with Scorsese's latest "Shutter Island." This should be an interesting movie...then again, maybe not.

Panda Update - Dreamworks new release "Kung Fu Panda" grossed over $60 million.its opening weekend which was a little less than I expected...but then again, it was going against the box office gold that is Adam Sandler with "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" getting almost $40 million. Apparently, it was the 3rd largest opening so far this year behind "Iron Man" and the new Indiana Jones movie. Why didn't I see it over the weekend? Because I promised somebody that I'd watch it with them...and the timing just isn't right. I can wait. Besides, if I wanted to see Angelina Jolie in a CGI film, I'll just watch "Beowulf" again...gladly. SKADOOSH!!!

Well, that'll about do it. Still no word this early from Vegas but we shall see. I'm going back to work for the first time in over a week...without a real vacation...except maybe that trip to my brother's. It's odd...but I really just haven't been in the mood anyway...and I took the past week off expecting to move anyway. Oh well, it's been relaxing and I've been able to get errands done. Have a great day everybody!!! Congratulations again to Ken Griffey, jr!!!

Wherever God Takes Me

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, I did end up going to see "Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay" with my Wingman, his dad Buck (who was also in town), and his brother...we'll call him Iceman, why not? It was kind of a last minute thing...and they wanted to come along. The Wingman & I thoroughly enjoyed the movie...because we had seen the original and enjoyed its irreverent, racist, marijuana-inspired, risque comedy. I'm not sure that the other two did...but whatever...I didn't pay for 'em. By the way, there were only two other people in the theatre on the only showing of the day. So from that nationwide gross of about $2500 pulled by the movie this weekend...about 1% of that was us. You're welcome. Just trying to do our part. So yeah, if you liked the first Harold & Kumar, you'll like the second one. Basically, two stoners on a plane to Amsterdam are mistaken for terrorists and thrown in Guantanamo Bay...then escape & trek across the country to prove their innocence. There's racist jokes, unicorns, Doogie, a Cyclops, sandwiches, a stirring speech from W, fantasy sequences, a whorehouse ran by Beverly D'Angelo, character development, and of course...more Doogie. Check it out...or if its not your style, don't. By the way, I did get a call near the end of the movie (round midnight) and I sincerely thought that it was Vegas...but it was my mom...which is almost as weird because her bedtime is like eight o'clock. Don't worry, she just lost her cell phone charger and thought she might have left it at my house last week.

This morning, I really didn't do much...except watch "The Best of the Colbert Report" and before I knew it...three hours had passed. Now, you all know that I think Stephen Colbert is hilarious, charismatic, and egocentric...which I like to think that I am...correction, KNOW that I am. What's in the Best of the Colbert Report? His historic first show where he introduced the word "Truthiness" which was later added to Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, the great metaphor-off with Sean Penn, ice cream three-way with Jane Fonda & Gloria Steinem, highlights from his green screen challenge, his best in the 435-part series "Better Know a District", his numerous awards & dedications including the naming of a bridge, eagle, junior league hockey team, airliner, ice cream, and so much more. Truly a great American idol.

Why was I watching it for three hours besides its sheer entertainment value? It was rainy today...and I did go for a few walks in the rain as I love to do (going to really miss rain down in Vegas) but at times it got quite torrential. Really glad that it cooled off though (going to miss that too). Also, today I had a meeting at work where I found out my schedule in the usual two weeks notice...and I was really zoned out for most of it. Sure, Captain Monty kept me entertained with the horrible things coming out of his mouth, Camb was telling me about her wedding plans, JL Clyde was laughing at me for some reason (because I was laughing to myself about turning everything my boss said into some kind of sexual metaphor), and all of that...but I was a little distracted because I was expecting Vegas to call (it just would have been TOO convenient) and I was told that another one of my coworkers died this morning.

Penelope is her name...and she was seriously one of the sweetest ladies you could ever hope to meet. We had known each other for the full ten years that I've worked there (God, it's been too long) and unfortunately, her time just ran out. That's really all that I can say...and it sucks horribly...because she's a sweetheart...but at least she's at peace, I guess. My condolences to her family & all the blog readers out there that knew her...and also called her Pe-Ne-Lope (like Cantelope) just to get a smile out of her.

After the meeting, I went to my dad's to hang out for a few...and was surprised that my nephew Canon was there spending the night. Not sure if I'm mentioned him before...because it has actually been a while since I've seen him...but he's my stepsister's son (she's the same age as me) and he's six years old...and just one of the most energetic, yet well-behaved kids that you could ever hope for. Oh yeah, he's in my Christmas entry with pictures, that's right. We had good times playing with Lincoln Logs, wrasslin', having tickle fights (undefeated champion right here y'all), and just having fun. Sweet kid...and of course, he loves his Uncle $teve...because I'm f**king awesome.

While he & his grandma (my stepmom) went to Mickey D's for dinner, my dad & I watched "Escape From New York" starring Kurt Russell & Isaac Hayes. I hadn't seen this movie in a long, long time...but yeah, it's a classic about a future where New York is basically a hellhole, the President crashes there, and a cycloptic badass named Snake Pliskin (Russell) is sent in to get him back from the powerful underground boss, the Duke (Hayes). Good times. They made a sequel set in LA called...get this, "Escape from L.A." about twenty years later...but yeah, this one's pretty good. Check it out if you like 80's badass movies...and I know a few of you out there do (lookin' at you, Bone Junior...who probably has both on DVD). Anyway, then I came home after Canon went to bed.

Let's see...what's on the schedule for tomorrow...oh yeah, nothing. Still just waiting for Vegas to call & decide that they want me to run their business. Still going to pack up what I want to keep and pawn off the rest (couches, books, PS2, all for cheap if anybody's interested out there). My mom called inviting me to head to her house for the weekend while she's babysitting my niece & nephew...and hell, I just may do that if I don't hear anything...because then they'd never be able to get a cell phone signal to me in the Fortress of Solitude. That'll show 'em. Regardless of what I have planned...or really don't, I'm sure that I'll have fun not working. Have a great day everybody!!! RIP Penelope!!! Oh...and have fun in San Diego, Bubbles!!! You're gonna love it!!! Be sure to check out the pandas...and see if my videos are helping them any. Oh, it looks promising...

Adventures in Babysitting 2 - Sit Harder

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night was an average day at work...and then I thought I'd do a good deed and drop a coworker off at her house, so I got back to my house just before 1 AM...to find that my mom had volunteered my bed to my 11-year old cousin Alicia (already larger than my date the other night). Splendid. Again, I would look like the dick if I were to kick her out...so I just slept awkwardly. Too damn nice.

I woke up this morning around 6:30 AM when a crying woman called me. It took me a minute to realize who it was...Bubbles' mom. As you know, I like her mom and just think that she's bat crackers crazy...so I went and picked her up. She wanted me to take her to a shelter so that she can start to get her life in order...and how can you say no to that? So I spent my morning talking to her, reassuring her, driving her across town, and walking around the seedy parts of downtown trying to get her set up. Again, too damn nice...but I know that she, Bubbles, and their whole family appreciate it. I really hope that she figures it all out. Feel free to say a little prayer for her. I'd appreciate it greatly.

After that, I returned home to find my mom & Alicia waking up...and of course my cousin wants to play "Rock Band" because it's awesome. The only thing is...she only knows three of the songs on the entire game...so that's all she played...for about three hours. Luckily, I took a nap for the last half (either that or passed out from holding back my anger about being put in the situation of babysitting all day). When I awoke, my mom wanted to go to the hospital (and probably escape my cousin) so I took her (after she got me some breakfast...because I'm cheap, but I'm not free) and then I was faced with the task of trying to find out what to do with an 11-year old. "What do you want to do?" "I don't know." "Okay...so nothing? It's a beautiful day. It'd be a shame to waste it...but if that's what you want." "Well, I did want to see Indiana Jones...but I haven't seen the first ones." "Well then, how about we head back to my place and watch them?" "OKAY!!!" Awesome, having the originals just saved me $30 that I probably would have slept through anyway.

We got back to my place...and somebody is apparently borrowing my Indy collection. Dammit!!! "Well, sorry but I have lots of other movies if you wanted to see any of them..." "Do you have the Simpsons?" "Only ten seasons and a movie. Do you think that'll be enough?" "I don't know." "Sarcasm, Alicia. Google it." She's kind of a sheltered girl...but still alright because she likes the Simpsons. So we watched season three for about two hours, laughing all the way...then she played "Simpsons: Road Rage" and a merry time was had by all...because I typed this entry.

JL Clyde sent me a text earlier today suggesting that I speak with a corporation to get them to sponsor my blog...so that I can make a few bucks on the side for this rambling stuff. She suggested Hooters...and I like her choice...a lot. Who knows? If I don't get that Vegas job soon, I may just have to put in an application at the Hooters Hotel & Casino near the Strip. They do have comedian Bobby Slayton & the Rack Pack...but hopefully that won't be the case. They probably pay their employees in hot wings & hula hoops anyway. It might be worth looking into though. Who else would be a fitting sponsor for my blog?

Victoria's Secret (Adriana)?

World Wildlife Fund (Pandas)?

Popular Mechanics (Sexbots)?

The Travel Channel? As much as we both talk about Vegas, I'm surprised that they haven't called me up yet. Anyway, I'd like to hear your suggestions & ideas. Let me know what you think.

In the meantime, I'll be entertaining my cousin...and probably get con'd into doing something else for my mom...because nobody else will. Thank you all again for being so awesome...and I promise, as soon as I hear about the Vegas job, I'll let you know. Oh...and my blood donation was moved to tomorrow because babysitting a pint low could be dangerous for both of us...especially her...and my blood pressure. Have a great day everybody!!!