Charlton Heston & Jodie Foster

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Unfortunately, I have to start today off on a sad note because the great American actor Charlton Heston passed away last night at the age of 84. Though most people probably know him more nowadays as the crazy President of the NRA from 1997-2002, he has also the consummate leading man in motion pictures for about forty years. His performances in movies like "The Ten Commandments", "Ben Hur", "Omega Man", "Planet of the Apes", and "Wayne's World II" are still some of the single greatest performances in history…and he just seemed like a really cool guy. He also had political influence and protested and took a lot of guff from a lot of people (mostly comedians & fellow protestors) but he stood for something…and there's a lot to be said for conviction like that…and you can't deny the charisma. My condolences to his family and I wish them the best.


My little no-Mountain Dew experiment is officially reaching the end of Day Two…and all is well. I'm fine with drinking water and I'm jogging 2-3 times a day now…but only for about twenty minutes at a time. Just whenever I get bored at home with nothing better to do, I'll go for a little jog or do some sit-ups & pushups or whatever. Nothing major…but I'm already feeling a little better just doing stuff as opposed to sitting on my backside (get plenty of that at work). That being said, I did watch two movies today…between joggings.


It was kind of a Jodie Foster day. I watched her new release "The Brave One" with her & Terence Howard. It's about a woman who's with her fiancé…and they're jacked by some jackasses in Central Park. Well, they get away, she wakes out of a coma a few weeks later, and her fiancé is dead. Obviously she goes into depression, then rage, then decides that she should be a superhero and rid the world of bad people…and Terence Howard is the detective investigating her scenes. It's actually really well done…and my summation is really basic…but I figure that if you've seen the preview, you know what it is. I thought it was really good if you're into that kind of movie…and it brings up a few points about Justice and Revenge and coping with lost Love and all that…and how people respond to events in their lives.


After that, I jogged, then returned to watch "Taxi Driver" with Jodie, Robert DeNiro, and Harvey Keitel for the first time in a decade or so. Weird thing was…I was watching this movie…and hearing the narration about how Travis (DeNiro) couldn't sleep and how he basically decides that all girls are crazy and he should focus on honing his body & mind…and I thought to myself, "My God, is that what I sound like on my blog? Am I going a little crazy too?" Granted, I've thought about taking a girl to a dirty movie on a date…but not the first one. Besides, that's what the Cooliseum is for. Anyway, the movie's a classic, DeNiro's a God, Jodie's jailbait, Harvey's a pimp, it's all good Scorsese stuff. Check it out if you haven't already. Now for the news...


Good to be Hova - Well, it appears that rap mogul Shawn Carter a.k.a. Jay-Z has truly made it completely. From selling drugs in the Marcy Projects of Brooklyn to steadily rising the ranks of the rap music game to having a top-selling clothing line to his own vodka to President of Def Jam / Roc-A-Fella Records to part owner of the NBA's New Jersey Nets (bringing them to Brooklyn) and now in the same week, he is apparently about to sign a ten-year, $150 million business deal with promoter Live Nation Inc AND married his girlfriend of six years (and twelve years his junior) R&B singer Beyonce Knowles in a small, secret ceremony on Friday. I actually watched this show yesterday on BET (Black Entertainment Television - still think the name's a little racist, but I still watch it occasionally) about the "Evolution of Jay-Z" and it's simply incredible. The man knows how to succeed. Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Carter!!! Wish you the best.


Mariah Passes Elvis - Mariah Carey's newest chart-topping hit "Touch My Body" (which I have yet to hear…but sounds intriguing) is her 18th such single. This moves her past Elvis Aaron Presley's 17 #1 hits into second on the all time list…behind the Beatles and their twenty #1 hits. Now, I like Mariah Carey. She has an amazing voice…and I think it stems from those amazing lungs of hers…and the stems ain't bad either. Do I think that she's the second greatest recording artist of all time? Not at all. I do think that she's a beautiful woman with a beautiful voice who was once married to Columbia Records exec Tommy Mottola, learned to adapt to the changing music scene, had a hell of a team of publicists, marketers, and an entire team of individuals bent on making her one of the top performers of our time. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't even write songs…but I may be wrong, it happens. Congratulations to Mariah and her success!!! You're no Elvis…but you're still awesome…and if I were a rapper, I'd probably have a shot at ya…but I'm not. We can both be sorry for that. Hopefully she's still doing okay after that emotional breakdown stuff a few years ago. If not, gimme a call. We'll talk it out. Or send the jet. That'd work too. Always glad to help a lady.


Study A-Broad - A German law professor was sentenced to three years in prison for giving students better marks in exchange for money and sex. The 53-year old admitted to accepting nearly a quarter-million dollars (though in Euros) for awarding doctorates to students who couldn't cut the grades…and for the female students, all it costs was a little bow chicka bow wow. The court convicted him of 68 counts of corruption (I would have admitted to one more just to get a mentionable number). The professor did so to pay off his substantial debts…and only having a 5000 Euro net monthly salary (which is a six-digit job last I checked). It's not amazing that a teacher has done this...but just that they have done this at that scale. Also, amazing isn't the right word...but mind-boggling seemed too much. I think the reason he got in trouble was because he wasn't an equal opportunity corruptor. Had he decided to charge the girls or gigoogidy the guys, there may have not been a problem. I don't know what it is with schools nowadays…but they're getting crazy. Like those nine-year old kids that were going to jack their elementary teacher, I'm sure you've heard about them on the TV. All this sex between students and teachers, I don't know…it makes me wanna get back into school a little bit…but not that much…because I don't have good luck with attractive teachers.


Is That A Snake in Your Pocket? - In Lansing, Michigan, a woman stole a boa constrictor from a pet store by slipping the snake down her pants. The 20-inch snake was worth $174 but the owner of the shop didn't seem to care about the money. "I am far less concerned for the person than for the snake." Perhaps the snake took a liking to the warm, moist environment presented to him/her…but for some reason, I sincerely doubt it. I've been to a few pet shops in my day…and the kind of ladies that would steal things out of there probably have a bunch of cats already. If I were that snake I'd find somewhere safe to hide…and constrict for dear life. I don't know what it is...but pet shop cashiers are usually really, really cute. Sure, they're usually card-carrying PETA members...but they seem like they'd have a freaky side. Anybody else feeling me on that? I'm picturing them with the snake...and it's something out of "From Dusk Til Dawn" meets "Across the Universe", by which I mean FIVE Salma Hayeks with snakes. Mmmm.....


Wanted: Drinking Buddy - Englishman Mike Hammond put an advertisement in his village post office reading "Wanted: Person to accompany elderly gentleman to the pub" for his 88-year old widowed father to have a drinking buddy. Since then, there have been quite a number of applicants…but here are the qualifications & benefits. The successful applicant must not be a woman, a teenager or "somebody who is just going to get wrecked. Dad is not a heavy drinker." His father likes women, he said, but it would be a little bit awkward going out to the pub with a lady he didn't know. (What's wrong with making an old man happy?) The job pays 7 pounds per hour (about $15/hour) plus expenses. I'll tell you what, if I lived in the area, I'd gladly apply to be a drinking buddy for $15 an hour plus expenses. However, there's also great potential in this. I haven't put a whole lot of thought into it quite yet…but this could be something pretty sweet. Somebody's just looking for a buddy to talk to…and I've been told by a number of people that "there's just something about you that makes me feel like I can talk to you for hours" and it's about time that I got paid for it…since I'm a non-profit psychiatrist / gigolo. By the way, the reason you feel comfortable around me…is because I'm a sweet guy who's usually genuinely interested in what you're saying…so I'm a good listener…and I think you're awesome…oh, and I'm a sucker for smiles…and that's what you get when you earnestly listen to people. I enjoy it…pro bono.


By the way, thank you Jlee for your input yesterday about my sister-in-law's tattoo…but I was able to find a pretty good website to find out what it means. When Ash told me about it, she said that it meant "Beautiful" but didn't know for certain…and I knew that the symbol on the left was "Woman" but couldn't recall the right symbol. So then we started thinking "Did you know this guy? Maybe it means Easy Woman or something like that?" We looked up "beautiful" on a few websites and it was different symbols…so that freaked her out a little bit more, so then I vowed to get to the bottom of it. Looked it up, sent her a text saying "I found out on the web what your tattoo means...and it's Complaining or Bitchy Woman. Sorry. That's what you get for not having a Chinese man do it." Don't worry, a few minutes later I sent her another text, "I'm just jerking ya…it means Beautiful. Just wasn't what we showed the other day." That relieved her. Here it is again, just for your own reference, a Chinese symbol for "Beautiful" pronounced yan…because I think you're all beautiful. Have a great night!!!

Rock & Roll's Christmas

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

First off, I'd like to wish a happy 73rd birthday to Mr. Elvis Aaron Presley!!! Now, he has been mentioned a few times on this blog. Whether it's my trip to Graceland, a shout out on the 30th anniversary of his death, a friendly comparison with the likes of the Beatles for Rock & Roll supremacy, or the crime of passion conspiracy of his untimely demise, you can easily realize that a big fanatical spider that appreciates the King's work resides within this space of the worldwide web. It was on this day in 1935 that Vernon & Gladys Presley gave birth to a set of twins in Tupelo, Mississippi. Unfortunately, Elvis' twin brother Jessie Garon Presley was stillborn…leaving Elvis to grow up as an only child. Hmm, imagine if circumstances were a little different…and Jessie & Elvis formed the Gospel act, The Presley Brothers. You know, Elvis had deep Gospel roots. That's how he won his three Grammys…was with Gospel records. The King of Rock may never have been. It just goes to show, in an obscure way, that tragedies can often lead to something great and unexpected. Anyway, for a complete biography of everybody's favorite hillbilly heartthrob, you can access this link…but most of you probably know the important stuff anyway and have vast collections of memorabilia and recordings. Happy Birthday Elvis!!! "Thank you very much…"



So, I watched a few minutes of American Gladiators yesterday during my lunch break…and it was just as expected, quite possibly the guiltiest of horrible television pleasures EVER…and now with wet spandex thanks to the safety mats being replaces with tanks of water filled with bloodthirsty barracuda…minus the fish. Honestly, my favorite part was listening to Jeff after he had made it to the top of the Wall. "Great job, Jeff!!! How did you do it?" "Well, I just remembered back home as a kid when my mom would chase me with her belt and I'd run up the tree as fast as I could." That's great. All you moms out there that feel bad about chasing your kids around with belts…or telling them to "Go cut mommy a switch" just remember those inspiring words from Jeff…and one day, your child may be an American Gladiator champion.



Here are some other training suggestions:

• The Gauntlet - Have your kid run across a busy street to retrieve their dinner…or pending you don't have a busy street in your deck of the woods, have them run across a field with a few angry bulls


• The Assault - Sit on your roof and toss apples at your children as they hide behind various car parts scattered over the front yard. They can return fire with any acorns they find…but no rocks…because that'll break the plastic on the windows.


• Hang Tough - Hook a two-cycle engine to your ceiling fan, reinforce with duct tape, and see how long they can hold on. You may want to box & hide your Dale Earnhardt commemorative plate collection.


• Joust - Baseball bat fight while balancing on milk crates. Helmets are for wimps.


• Eliminator (The Final Test) - When you think your child may be ready for the big time, send them to the crazy neighbor's house with orders to impregnate their daughter, and if they can make it back to your home through the obstacle course that you've arranged…before Old Man Weston wields his brand of justice…then they are an American Gladiator. For female competitors, you would have to tackle the man that impregnated you after giving them a 10-Mississippi head start.
  

Movie Night Thursday - As usual, around ten o'clock at night…and the movie is up for debate. Come one, come all!!! Suggestions are always welcome as well. Now for your local news…

Does Size Really Matter? Yes!!! - Ladies & Gentlemen, I have a large television screen…or rather, a wall that I project my viewing pleasure upon. Japanese electronic conglomerate Matsushita introduced a 150-inch plasma television…or basically the size of NINE 50-inch plasma screens. This is nearly double any previous screen and will set the new benchmark from which cribs can now be "pimped" on MTV. However, the greatest thing about this television is that the resolution is four times better than 1080i. For example, during the presentation, they pointed out that you could actually see pieces of orange chicken as they were pumped through the arteries of the yokozuna champion Katsumara Yamamoto. Also, when the two sumo wrestlers collided, half of the audience was in a trance from their hypnotic rolling motion…and only when the crackling of a well-placed squirrel tap helped the champion gain the upper hand, was the audience from of the spell. Now that's entertainment. Now, I know you're asking "Where can I get one?" Well, they won't hit the market until 2009…and the price was not disclosed…but I’m guess one or more of your testicles. You still have a year to make yourself an heir…to your family name…and this television. One thing is for sure...porn will never be the same. "Oh my God, it looks like a walk-in humidor!!!"

Even Dr. Phil Can't Help You? - Television personality Dr. Phil McGraw cancelled plans to have an hour-long show dedicated to examining Britney Spears' latest meltdown after her highly publicized custody battle (where only one moron can lose) resulted in K-Fed getting the kids and Britney being hospitalized after a standoff with police. Dr. Phil was quoted as saying her situation was "too intense" to go on with the show. He then referred to the Grand Canyon as a pothole. Look, probably the last thing the world needs is Britney Spears on television…and I'm anxiously awaiting Jamie Lynn's appearance on Montel to find out who the baby daddy is…but if Dr. Phil doesn’t want to give you his opinion…on national television…then you may want to completely reevaluate your world from top to bottom. Hopefully this latest devastating blow to her life will help her to clean up so that she can get her life on track and be with her children. I'm also hoping that she never considers a performing career again. Not because I don't think she'd be any good…but I'd like to see her go the way of former pop princess Debbie Gibson and just fade away gracefully. What was that? Debbie Gibson is going to be on "Deal or No Deal"? Oh sorry, Deborah Gibson is going to be on "Deal or No Deal"? (Deep sigh) Okay…in that case, do what you want to do Britney…but please consider a life out of the public eye…and for God's sake please take Lindsey Lohan with you too. She's slowly slipping completely outside of her mind…and she's not returning my text messages. Something about not getting service in Italy or something...

GQ Interviews Hugo Chavez - The British edition of GQ (Gentlemen's Quarterly) magazine sent 37-year old supermodel Naomi Campbell to interview Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Campbell asked hard-hitting & provocative questions like "Who is the most stylish world leader?" "Fidel, of course! His uniform is impeccable. His boots are polished. His beard is elegant." She also asked if the socialist dictator would pose topless for photos like Russian President Vladimir Putin did several months ago. "Why not? Touch my muscles!" It just goes to show, if you want great journalism without making the interviewee cry, don't send Barbara Walters, send in Naomi Campbell. She ended the interview with "President Chavez, did you know that my name is 'I Moan' backwards?" "Really? That is amazing."

New Bond Girls - The 22nd movie based on the true story of British special agent James Percival Bond has recently started filming in London…and after much speculation about who will play James' love interest(s), there is finally some answers…sort of. British actress Gemma Arterton and Ukrainian model-thespian Olga Kurylenko will play those interests. If you're anything like me, you may be asking yourself "Who the f**k are these hotties & what are their phone numbers?" Well, I am obviously unaware of their cellular digits…but Gemma played a naughty schoolgirl on the British comedy "St. Trinian's" and Olga played the hottie role on the movies "Hitman" and "Paris, je t'aime" this last year. Other than that, their pictures are on the left. With any luck, there will be some serious Bond-age in this next superspy movie. They're not exactly Halle Berry or Famke Janssen…but they'll do…for now.

Well, that's really about it for today, I think. Not much else going on...except Bubbles says she's going to read my fortune again using her tarot cards...so I have that to look forward to. My brother's family is still doing fine...and apparently somebody planted a hot dog on my boss' keyboard last night...so I was obviously questioned about it. I didn't do it...but I kind of wish that I had. It's just so...spontaneous & silly. I did kind of doze off for a while. Do you think I did some sleepdogging or something? I'm thinking it was the Ghost of Elvis getting a brother's back. Maybe it was both of the Presley brothers...that'd be a heartwarming little Disney tale. Patent pending y'all. "The Presley Brothers" starring Matthew McConaughey as Elvis & Luke Wilson as Jessie. Quick, I need a writer to help me out. Oh yeah, I forgot. Nevermind. It can wait. Have a great day everybody!!!

The Big Easy III - After the Storm

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It's great to be typing to you again...but don't feel too bad because I've been having a great time since I last blogged. I've spent the past three days in the glorious city of New Orleans. I think what I'm going to do today...because New Orleans is such a big topic that I have a great love for...is that I'm going to talk about my trip the past three days and then further elaborate what to do in "The Crescent City" over the next few blogs. I say that because this trip, we didn't get to experience more than a scratch of what New Orleans has to offer...and I'd hate to sell my readers short on what a fantastic city it is. I hope that you don't mind. Great, then it is settled. Let us start with my latest journey....

Day 1 - Slick City to New Orleans

We were to meet at the airport at 5:15 AM and I slept a good six hours that night in preparation for not sleeping in New Orleans. The flights over were okay. From SLC to Atlanta, my neighbor & I watched "Robot Chicken" on my laptop and the time flew right by. There was only an hour layover & then an hour or so flight to New Orleans. Awesome. Nothing really out of the ordinary. We were greeted with a company van at the airport & taken to stay at The Ritz-Carlton, New Orleans for the next few nights. It was raining, as the next couple of pictures will show you...but I was amazed to see that the city itself...was almost identical to what it was when I came the last time before Katrina hit. I know that on the news all that is shown is the devastated outer burbs and rural areas...and it was truly a devastating storm...but please believe that if you have any reservations about going to New Orleans because you think it's still a wasteland, that is simply not true. My pictures probably aren't going to full convince you from this last trip (thanks to Tropical Storm Humberto) but it is amazing...and you should all head out there for Halloween or something. That's what I want to do. Anyway, check out this rain storm as we arrive...


We arrived at The Ritz-Carlton, New Orleans and were treated with some of their spacious rooms with vaulted ceilings and two king sized beds. Awesome!!! As you know, I love Ritz-Carlton beds and try to emulate them at my own home...but there nothing better than a Ritz-Carlton bed...except maybe sharing one...but you get the idea. Here are some pictures of the room & the view of the French Quarter.


After a few minutes to get assituated with the room, we dressed in our business attire and had a wonderful reception & meal at their restaurant, Melange. New Orleans restaurants are, in my humble opinion, some of the best in the world. I love soul food...and great food...and the city has both EVERYWHERE. This restaurant though, back when it was called Victor's (I've stayed a few times), made the absolute beat food that I've ever had...and it was on the menu again this time. We started with a lobster bisque, filet of beef cooked perfectly with a spectacular brenaisse sauce, and for dessert, one of the signature dishes of New Orleans, beignets with three different dipping sauces.

For those of you who don't know what beignets are, they're basically deep fried dough smothered in powdered sugar...and they're spectacular. From what I understand, they originated at the Cafe Du Monde on the riverfront of the Mississippi. They're really good. Anyway, the dinner was great...and the drinks were free...so a good time was had by all. After dinner, we decided to walk a block to Bourbon Street & check it out. Being a Tuesday night and September 11th, there wasn't a whole lot of action to be had my Bourbon Street standards...but when there's a whiskey, there's a way. We checked out a few of the souvenior shops (lots of people there for the first time) and then most of them went back to the hotel after a long day...but I wasn't about to. The three adventurers among us went to the piano bar at Pat O'Brien's for a few hours/drinks. It was a good time. Then we walked around and ended up at Fat Cats for about an hour to dance and take in the eye candy...which was sufficient, especially for a slow night.

Piano Bar at Pat O'Brien's

On the dancing note, I firmly believe that the greatest dance song of all time may be "Get Low" or "Yeah!" by the Ying Yang Twins and guests. It just depends on the establishment, but both usually get played...and the ladies LOVE that song. (I say that song...because it's the same song...just with different lyrics & singers so it can get played at the 18-year old clubs too) Anyway, that was my word...and I challenge you to name me a more widely accepted song by both men & women at a club. You can search anywhere, from the window to the wall, and I think that you'll agree that, Yeah, it's the best one out there.

Here's some neon for my buddy B.

Oh look! A store called the Panda Bear. Surely, it has some cool Oriental items with a N'awlins twist or something along those lines. Let's check the window display...

Even better!!!

Anyway, after taking that in, I had to call it a night because I had been up since 4 AM and we got back around 2 AM and slept in that Ritz-Carlton bed. Magnificent!!!

Day 2 - New Orleans

The morning started...with a headache...because I'm a lightweight. Luckily, there was an overcast for my hangover. I was still full from the night before, so I couldn't even eat pancakes the next morning at breakfast. Oh well, I was doing pretty good anyway. I kept up a conversation with some of the beautiful ladies at the Ritz-Carlton and we talked about our favorite parts about the city, working, antecdotes, etc. We also met the general manager Myra and her parrot Lady, who is kind of the hotel mascot and can be found most days in the Courtyard area. She can carry on a conversation too.

After breakfast, we went on a city tour in a bus hosted by Rudy, one of the concierges at the hotel. He was a great tour guide. We drove through the French Quarter, the Warehouse District, the Garden District (all of which will be elaborated in future entries) but we took a stretch at the New Orleans Museum of Art & Sculpture Garden were I took these pictures...

I'd like to take credit for the foggy effect around the sides...but it's just humidity.

See? My blog is spreading over the land...

I wonder what a tree has to do for beads...

Modern Art - I just don't get it...

Really? Thick marble rod in something resembling a pink shell. Why not just add the mushroom tip and throw a hefty bag over it? Oh yeah, play safe kids.

Modern Art - I try...but I just don't get it...

Okay, the curator of the museum was out for a stroll & gave us a tour...and he was THRILLED that this next piece in particular survived Katrina basically unscathed. "Of all the sculptures here, you were worried about the 30-foot safety pin? (Sigh) modern art..."

Then we toured the St. Louis Cemetary No. 1 and saw the burial place of Marie Leveau, the famous voodoo legend. Here it is...along with a few other shots (more shots in future entries)

Here lies Marie Laveau

Kirk finally got him. "KAAAAAAAAHN!!!"

Here lies Jesus

We had a little free time & walked down to Dumaine Street where there were several voodoo shops and the Voodoo Museum. Unfortunately, only one of the shops was open but it was a pretty cool store. A lot of the shops are only open on the weekends during the off (hurricane) season. Still, just walking around the French Quarter is a beautiful experience...and we walked past the Cornstalk Fence Hotel, which was featured in the Elvis movie, "King Creole." Elvis rules!!! Here are the pictures...

When we returned to the hotel, we were given a tour...and then they moved me up into The Ritz-Carlton Suite, which is the Presidential Suite at the hotel, because I'm awesome. Here are some shots of my new room...

Okay, so I didn't really get to spend the night there...but we did get to check it out (second time for me, still cool). For dinner, they served us a southern barbecue, Ritz-Carlton style at FQB (French Quarter Bar) and we had boiled shrimp, sausage, and everything else, macaroni & cheese, oyster shooters, jalapeno cornbread, gumbo, all of which was absolutely delicious...and the conversation with the managers was great as well. My friend & I were having a conversation that was bordering on a new improv show. Another coworker was speaking with one in Vietnamese. It was a great time with a warm, casual ambience.

After dinner, we went on a Haunted History Tour of New Orleans...and our group leader Midian was amazing. He has an obvious passion for history and his job...and it comes through in his delivery, storytelling, answering questions, and just an incredibly fun guy to hang around...and that's why we invited him back to the hotel. He was a cool cat...and apparently we didn't seem that threatening. We had a few drinks and told jokes & stories with a group of about eight of us. Great time!!! If you go to New Orleans, you have to go on the Haunted Tour...and ask for Midian. He was awesome!!!

Day 3 - New Orleans to Slick City

The next morning, I was treated to a 25-minute massage by the hotel...and it was amazing, even though a 25-minute massage is kind of a tease. You may not know this, but I considered getting a second job in massage therapy...because I've been told that I'm pretty good...but the schooling would just be a pain...and I'd prefer to keep a private practice in exchange for meals & hugs or something...you know, just expand on the non-profit gigolo game a little. Oh well, I know what I'm doing. I don't need a paper to tell me that.

Whenever I get a massage, I usually just pay attention to what the masseuse is doing, thinking to myself, "Hmm, that feels pretty good. I'll have to remember that one." or "This lotion is nice...but I prefer my eucalyptus scent myself." Stuff like that, learn the trade a little bit. If any of you ladies are interested in helping further my experience in this field, let me know. I'm always willing to listen & learn...and practice.

During our free time, we decided to check out Jackson Square & the Riverfront and it started to rain pretty well...like fallout from Tropical Storm Humberto well. I love the rain though, as you may remember from last week, so it was all good...and I got the last minute souvenirs for some of my peeps & fam. Here are some pictures...but I'll have better weather ones in future installments...

Then we went to the airport...and hilarity ensued as we were rerouted and layed over...but in the airplanes waiting an hour or so for clearance...and through it all, I ended up getting back to my house just before 3 AM. Then I napped...and came here today...and now other news, thanks for listening about my trip.

Really? - Okay, I had to read this article because it's like something out of a bad movie. Investigators questioned O.J. Simpson about a robbery of sports memorobilia at a casino in Las Vegas. If you don't know the background on O.J. then you've been living under a rock for the last 15 years, but in this case, he met with a man who allegedly had stolen some items that belonged to him...and was planning on possibly selling them...but then they disappeared later that day. It just goes to show...that if you give them an inch, they'll get away with murder...and then rob a casino...guest. Okay, so it doesn't roll off like a standard cliche...so yeah, maybe O.J. will go to jail this time. Fingers crossed, huh?

My Friend Shaky is Going Back to School - International superstar singer, songwriter, and hottie friend Shakira is going back to school at UCLA. The Colombian seductress has been dropping albums since she was 14, so didn't need a high school diploma to become a millionaire. Now, she's studying Western Civilizations and expanding her knowledge for learning of new exciting cultures. We can all learn from her example...and just not how to make our hips shake like their mixing paint. By the way Shaky, if you need somebody to help you study, I'm more than willing to help out...and I've taken several classes on Western AND Eastern Civilizations. All I ask in return is that you teach me un pacceto Spanish for my trip back to your mansion in Colombia, so that I can mark it off my map...and meet your familia. That'd be sweet. Anyway, keep that in mind...and I'll pay for my own plane ticket.

Football Commercials That I Like - Some of the best commercials out there are specifically aimed at football fans. Being a Marketing degree holder, I like to analyze commercials a lot...but football, it doesn't really matter as long as it's funny & you remember the product. Past favorite include "Terry Tate: Office Linebacker" which can be found on my MySpace page. Southwest Airlines commercials from a few years back that have the everyday situation such as a man getting in a three-point stance because he dropped his credit card, then the a woman get down behind him & yells out "Blue 42!!! Blue 42!!! HUT HUUUUUUT!!!" then "It Must Be Football Season!!!" Classic. Also, I'm a big fan of the Nissan Titan commercials with the college football mascots chasing down the Heisman trophy in the back of the truck.

Why do I bring this up? There's a new Nike commercial out where it has Shawne Merriman & Stephen Jackson battling through other players, leaping over defensive backs, spinning off linemen, blasting through swarms of ongoers, and finally stretching that extra inch for a touchdown...all to the theme from "Last of the Mohicans" which I'm sure has another name...but that's what I know it as. I think it's just badass. If you've ever seen the final ten minutes of the movie, you'd know why. Anyway, I like it...and that leads me to my next movie list...

Romance Movies that Guys will Watch

Medal Winners

Gold - True Romance (1993) - Written by Quentin Tarantino, directed by Tony Scott, starring everybody that is awesome (Christopher Walken, Dennis Hopper, Christian Slater, James Gandolfini, Gary Oldman, Michael Rappaport, Chris Penn, Bronson Pinchot, Brad Pitt, Tom Sizemore, even cameos by Val Kilmer & Samuel L. Jackson) and a lot of Love & action and witty monologues and everything else that will keep both men & women glued to the screen. Easily one of my favorite movies of all time. I am going to warn you, it's rated R...and it's on Lifetime once in a while. Why is it on Lifetime? Like every other show on Lifetime, it involves a woman getting the crap beat out of her. What is it about that channel? If it's not Oprah, it's spousal abuse, or both. What's entertaining about that? Anyway, this movie rocks.

Silver - Last of the Mohicans (1992) - Directed by Michael Mann & apparently it was based off a book...but don't let that convince you that the book is better...because this only takes two hours. Set during the French-Indian War, Daniel Day-Lewis stars with Madeleine Stowe in this timeless romance classic...and there's a lot of Braveheart-esque fighting and the final ten minutes are incredible. Guys you may be a little bored through some of the slower plot points, but it makes up for it later on.

Bronze - William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet (1996) - I liked this movie because the dialogue is straight from Shakespeare but set in modern (mid-90's) times and has a great ensemble cast...and Baz Luhrmann makes good movies...about once every five years...and horrible music in between. Leonardo DiCaprio, Claire Danes, John Leguizamo, Paul Sorvino, Harold Perrineau, and a slough of others are in this masterpiece. It just shows that even though the words or grammar of Shakespeare & other writers of past centuries may not ring the same to modern ears...that the themes & beauty of the words ring throughout history...and through different mediums as well.

Suggestion - Doctor Zhivago (1965) - Yeah, it's an old movie...but it's a classic. Yeah, it's a little long...but that just gives you time to make out during the movie...and there's an intermission for...whatever floats your boat. Omar Sharif & Julie Christie set the bar for this classic masterpiece set during the Bolshevik Revolution of early 20th century Russia and it's beautifully orchestrated & visually stunning (especially by 1960's standards) and I needed to put something in here that you've probably never seen...so I went with something made before 1990. Anyway, this is it. Enjoy...

Flush It - Anything entirely British - The vast majority of men out there will be bored to tears if they have to listen to anything done entirely in a British accent that doesn't involve drug running, gun smuggling, or occasional full frontal nudity (see Winona Ryder in "The Age of Innocence"). I'm just looking out for both of the guys & the ladies. I just want to make sure that you're BOTH happy...so that every movie, even Romeo & Juliet, has a happy ending...or two...or more.

Future Watch - Honestly, I don't know of any romance movies coming out any time soon. The last really good one that I saw was "The Fountain" (2006) with Hugh Jackman & Rachel Weisz, directed by Darren Aronofsky. Good flick...but as long as there are romances in the future with a bit of action to keep both men & women entertained...that's all good with me. Anyway, I'm done typing now. More on the Big Easy in the future...and have a great weekend everybody!!!