Part 2 - The Clone Whores (Coming 2014)

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

When I last left you, we had just seen many of the sights of Barcelona...but there's so much more to this trip...almost two full weeks to go actually. Anyway, I just finished up watching the Roman Polanski movie "The Ninth Gate" starring Johnny Depp and Frank Langella. It's a goodie. Check it out...and there's SATAN!!! Anyway, back to Europe...

Day 4 - Barcelona

Nearly every morning in Barcelona, I woke up, got some breakfast in the restaurant, and watched a little BBC to catch up on how bad the US dollar is doing, the political craziness in Pakistan, date rape drugs being found in toys, and other news...but I won't bore you with all that. Because of all the walking we did on Day 3, my grandma decided to just stay at the hotel today...so Pat & I went to see the city. First stop, back to Montjuic because it's a hill and we couldn't really move about there with grandma before...so that's when I took the pictures of the Olympic Venues posted yesterday.

Museu Nacional d'Art de Catalunya - Located just off Placa Espanaya, the National Museum of Catalonian Art bears a striking resemblance to the Museum of Art in Philadelphia (the Rocky Steps) and houses some of the great works of Catalonian sculpture and arts work, mostly Romanic, Gothic, and Baroque. A lot are walls from old cathedral that have been transported to the museum after their destruction...and some massive paintings by local artists (though not Gaudi or Picasso or anybody really famous). About half way through, I just about passed out...and I'm still not sure exactly why. It was kind of stuffy...maybe it was jetlag catching up with me a few days later...maybe it was a quick hit of the Bubonic Plague for all I know...but after I got me some cold water and a sandwich, I was good to go for the rest of the day. Anyway, no pictures were allowed inside the museum...but here are some of the exterior and the view of Barcelona from the entryway.




After the Museum, we walked around Montjuic and took the Metro across town to see the Arc de Triompf. No, not the one in Paris obviously (Paris smells like ass, by the way) but this one in Barcelona. It was pretty cool.

Here's a cool building off the Arc's park area.

Sorry for all the Spanish Palms

in the way...but it is Spain.

Near the Arc de Triompf was the Museu Picasso, displaying the works of Pablo Picasso, one of the most famous artists of all time (because I've heard of him, that's proof enough). Picasso spent a few of his early years in Barcelona...and unfortunately, pictures were not allowed in the museum, so I don't really have much of the interior to show you. Based on my observations though, he was quite the doodler. Many of the works were early sketches from his twenties and thirties. Some of them were rather risque doodles of people having coitus, a man defecating into a toilet, a curvy woman with a Chia pet between her thighs, and other stuff that caused Pat to say, "My gosh, that Picasso was a pervert." "Look Pat, these are basically doodles from when he was 21 years old. EVERYBODY draws doodles like these at that age. Hell, I'll doodle one for ya right now if you want. See this one here? This one of the guy going down to Ginatown for some Mooshu? My brother has been drawing stuff like this since he was in like 6th grade. I like it. It shows that he was an average young man once." Anyway, it was really interesting to me.

Nearby, we stumbled upon the Museu de Zoologia (Zoological Museum) and thought it'd be cool to check out (we were looking for the Museu Xocolata, but couldn't find it). It had a lot of taxodermic examples of animals from around the world...as well as a super lame exhibit on the Origins of the Universe. You know that for me to say that an exhibit was super lame...it means that it was really super duper lame...and this was fitting...but here are some of the cool stuffed animals that I took pictures of...

This looks like a wicked animal...

By the way, this was the only (bleep) I saw all vacation.

Yes, that is a stuffed Condor on the left.

Have any of you seen "Dude, where's my car?"

I'm sorry.

Anyway, we took the Metro back to Placa Espanaya to take the hotel shuttle back for free instead of spending about $20 on a taxi. Pat did her best to try to convince me that the bus would pick up somewhere else...but I knew better...and again, she's the kind of person that would rather open her mouth than her eyes & ears...or remember this morning when it dropped off at the exact spot I was standing...and the bus driver saying, "I will pick up RIGHT HERE at 6 o'clock" but my stubbornness saved her from getting lost (just barely because she started wondering off to the freeway before I ran over and stopped her from being a lost old lady.

When we got back to the hotel, we had dinner at the hotel (expensive but we wanted to have dinner with grandma). We ate Lobster Paella and a glass of Sangria. The ladies made a bit of commotion when paella came out and the lobster, clams, shrimp, etc. still had their heads, shells, exoskeleton, all intact. I explained to them that it shows that it's fresh...and that's their method of presentation...and just don't eat it if you don't want to put forth a little effort to behead or unshell it. It was delicious...and worth the effort, I assure you. Slept like a baby.

Day 5 - Barcelona and Rupit

It was kind of an early morning (so no breakfast) because we had a bit of a drive ahead of us for our tour...and daylight is sparce this time of year. We were to meet up with our guide downtown in an area known as Placa Reial, at a local travel agency. However, the address that they gave us...we went there and there was no signage, so we were a little concerned...but had no cell phone or anything to contact them. Anyway, after about 15 minutes of nervous waiting, Trevor met up with us. He honestly didn't seem to happy to see us again (it takes a lot of patience to both wait for my grandma to walk & answer Pat's sometimes silly questions...believe me...and I wasn't getting paid for it). We drove about almost two hours away through beautiful Catalonian countryside at sunrise to the secluded medieval mountain village of Rupit. The drive there was absolutely gorgeous but I haven't taken pictures from my video yet...so I really don't have any of the countryside to show you. It seemed like the perfect time of year though because the leaves were changing color and the mist was just beautiful off the hillsides. Sorry to rub it in but it was really nice. I'll try to get the pictures soon for you...but it'll be after my Dallas trip next weekend.

For breakfast, Trevor treated us to some local pastries and some juice (coffee for the ladies) then we took a stroll through the cobblestone streets of the city. Most of the 300-400 inhabitants of this city are farmers, mostly livestock, and work in the countryside that we drove through. We saw beautiful stonebuilt houses, herb gardens, flowered balconies, kind people greeting you, and...well, here are some pictures, sorry to tease you like that...

Shortly into the tour, it was obvious that grandma wasn't handling the cobblestones too well...and our journey would require a lot of climbing of both stairs and wooden paths, so she decided to sit it out at the restaurant that we'd have lunch later on. I distinctly remember pointing out to the ladies that this adventure would require climbing MONTHS ago when we decided to book it, but again, they're a little slow and stubborn. Pat didn't even bring her knee brace from the hotel either. Anyway, we walked up tiny side streets to reach the top of the city, then down into a path along the riverbed to a nearby waterfall. Allegedly, there was a much larger waterfall further down the path...but Pat's knee wasn't feeling good, so we called it short and walked back to the city for lunch. Why can't I go on vacation with people of my generation? It's frustrating sometimes...but it was still a beautiful hike. I didn't take most of these pictures. (Pat's camera battery ran out and I didn't want her to be left out...so I offered my camera while I took video. The video is much better. I'll share later on too.)

Can't you see Frodo & Sam having a tea party at this table...

and then having anal sex in the house?

What? They were totally gay in those movies.

Lunch included a wonderful collection of local appetizers and Trevor highly recommended the grilled chicken saying that it was the best that he had ever had...and it was pretty damn good. Pat insisted that I take a picture of her with her Irish Coffee. She's weird sometimes.

After the drive back (again gorgeous), Trevor dropped us off back on Las Ramblas, so we went back to Placa Reial (just off that street) and had a beverage in a beautiful local square. Heineken is a fine beer. Any objections to that statement? I didn't think so.

After our beverage, we wandered around an area called Barri Gotic ("Gothic Area?") filled with shopping and beautiful architecture. It was also a Friday night, so there was a lot of music and activity going on around us. After an hour or so of watching the ladies window shop, we decided to grab some dinner in a local square overlooking the below Casa de L'Ardiaca Cathedral.
It was a pretty good club sandwich...and another Heineken. We then took a taxi back to the hotel...and got packed...for the next day, we would board the Royal Caribbean cruiseship, the Voyager of the Seas.

Day 6 - Barcelona to the High Seas

Today was the day!!! The cruise was starting...but first, we had to board the vessel. The breakfast was the standard...with the ladies talking about water gymnastics and othersuch items that had nothing to do with me. No matter. While waiting in the lobby (because the ship didn't start boarding until a few hours after checkout) we met some lovely ladies from Los Angeles...whose luggage was lost by the airlines the day before, so that was a mild concern. It ended well. They got their luggage just before the ship left. A van took us down and I carried my grandma's stuff so she could concentrate on walking...very slowly. Eventually we were able to get to our quarters...and here are some fun pictures of those quarters.

Oh yeah, you can guess who was sleeping on the top bunk.

Please note the towel bat on the mirror and

washcloth swan on the right bed. Nice!!!

This is what they do when you leave your sunglasses in the

room when they clean. They put them on a towel monkey.

Here's me slouching in the shower...and hitting my head on

the ceiling. Just imagine what the showers were like when

I was washing my flowing locks of Brown.

This is a $teve's eye view of the mandatory evacuation drill.

My only other experience on a cruise ship was last year for my grandma's 70th birthday when me & twenty-two of my closest relatives were on a 3-day cruise to San Diego, Catalina Island, and Ensenada Mexico. It was a fun, alcohol-fueled time of debauchery and good old fashioned hootinanery. See, the thing is that they give you this Card...and it's a magical card. It's your key to your room, acts as your passport so you can leave and/or return to the ship, and is kind of like a credit card where you can charge ANYTHING on the ship to it...because they simply won't except cash (until it's tip time at the end of the cruise...but then you can charge it to the card if you want). Meals are included too...but not the reasonably priced drinks. Having said that, over the course of that 3-day (and 3 crazy night) adventure, I had run up a tab of about...four hundred dollars. Why? No, I didn't drink myself into a stupor...but I bought rounds...for twenty-one of my closest relatives...a few times...and I had my share too. This trip wasn't nearly as bad.

While everybody was boarding, we hung out in the crown of the ship at a bar called High Notes...and just gazed at the city as the sun slowly set...sipping on Mango Lava Flows...and enjoying a bird's eye view of a wedding procession. Here are some shots...

Montjuic from the boat. Castell de Montjuic on top.

Dinner was held that night and we met our table guests. There were Pat & Julianne who were elderly sisters from Mississippi & Virginia respectively. They had cruised a few times before and were sweet ladies...but they mostly talked to the ladies...because I guess they speak the same language or something. Our other guests (who only showed this first night) were Igor & Julia and their 13-year old daughter Rachel. They were from Needham, Massachusetts but Julia was from the Ukraine (I guessed it by her accent, I'm good sometimes). Rachel seemed like a very bright girl...and a little hyperactive...but very inquisitive and nice. She didn't handle herself well when Pat talked to her like a little girl though, they got in a little spat about how big (size in meters & comparative size to other ships) the ship was...so I knew it was my time to step in and calm things down a bit.

$teve: "You know, I was exchanging money earlier...and I saw that this boat...apparently has a Godmother. I didn't know that ships had Godmothers...but for this ship, the Godmother is none other than...the lovely and talented Katarina Witt."
Rachel: "REALLY? I love Katarina Witt. She's such a good skater. Hmm, if ships have a Godmother...I wonder if they have brothers & sisters..."
Julia: "Sure dey do. Dey have de other ships of de fleet."
Rachel: "Oh yeah. Wow, Katarina Witt. Cool."

Dr. Love strikes again with an excellent misdirection...and a little sleight of hand as I traded glasses of wine with Pat while she wasn't looking. As John Turturro would say, "You underestimate my sneakiness." By the way, did you know Katarina Witt was in Playboy? I did...and I still mentioned her to a 13-year old girl...because she's so much more than a hot German figure skater...she's an inspiration. Don't worry, I'm not showing those pictures...this time...


Dinner was great. Watermelon gazpacho, shrimp ravioli, and rum cake...with a few glasses of wine. Delicious. After dinner, Pat & I went to the Pig & Whistle, an pub on the ship...and sang Irish songs with the guidance of another Steve...and enjoyed a few beverages. Then the staff had a "Party around the World" parade. Here are a few shots.

This girl was really, really hot...like many employees

on the ship...but nothing happened...obviously.

After the parade, I slept on the top bunk...like a baby with the gentle rocking of the open sea...on our way to the French Riviera for Veteran's Day...but that will have to wait...until tomorrow...because I've got work to do. So until next time, have a wonderful Thanksgiving...and I'll catch you all tomorrow...on Black Friday for Part 3 of Rational Baboon's European Vacation. Gobble Gobble...

Part 1 - The Random Menace

Good evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Welcome to the first installment of an undetermined number of volumes about my recent trip to Europe (and some references to the trip some 8.5 years ago) entitled "Rational Baboon's European Vacation." These will be filled with a lot of pictures (but not all because they take up a lot of memory...and some just aren't very interesting), stories of events, some silly jokes, and the usual stuff that you've come to expect from me. So enjoy...

Day 1 & 2 - Slick City to JFK to Barcelona

I awoke around 5 AM to the delightful sound of my alarm clock and the alarm on my cell phone going off simultaneously...which made me wonder why "Slow Jamz" had this incredibly irritating new baseline. A quick shower and waking up everybody and we were off to the airport. We checked in hella early, so I got me some breakfast (California Pizza Kitchen and a Coke for about twenty bucks...f**king airports) and we boarded our plane for JFK. To recap who I was going with, allow me to introduce you to them.

Grandma - She's 71 years old, had 17 kids, and about the most level headed and sweet woman that you could ever hope to meet. Raising all those chillun's taught her not to take life too seriously...and that's super. She hurt her knee recently so her mobility is way down...but luckily, she had me for a 6'8" cane to lean on. The only problem was...that her center of gravity is about the same level as my ankles...but we managed pretty well. In case you were wondering why we didn't get her a cane...or a wheelchair or anything like that...she's also kind of a stubborn ass...as you would probably expect from somebody responsible for a quarter of my genetic code. She had a great time though...and that's what counts.

Pat - Pat is my mother's friend from work. She is often mistaken for my grandma because she's a lot like my mom. If you hang around Pat more than a few minutes, you'll find out the following...because she'll work it into any conversation whether you know it already or not. She is an orphan. Apparently, that's an excuse for every little quirk or lack of knowledge about anything that may come up. "Oh, I didn't know that. I was an orphan." "So...you didn't know shrimp can be served with their heads still attached...because you were an orphan?" She's been to Belgium with work...and the old people there have no problem walking on ice. Still not sure how this kept coming up in the conversation...but it did. She thinks that Barcelona is a lot like San Francisco was in the 60's. Why? "Street people." She's another open book though and will tell you anything and everything...whether you asked or not. Oh yeah...and she's the kind of person that likes to open her mouth...instead of opening her eyes & ears. Even when she's silent, she still can't hear you...or she just doesn't pay attention to it...even if she just asked you a question. A little irritating...but she had fun too.

Anyway, back to the flight to JFK. Have you ever been on a flight and seen a mother with a newborn...and you watch them walking down the aisle towards you...and so you say a silent prayer along the lines of "Please don't let the screaming baby sit next to me. Please don't let the screaming baby sit next to me." and then they sit down next to you? Yeah, it's fun stuff...but this time, it actually wasn't that bad. The baby was smiling at me and sticking her tongue out at me...so I did it back. Then she started giggling so the mom introduced herself and the baby, June. "So she's...what about...five or six months old then?" "Yeah, the name kind of gives it away, doesn't it?" She came with her husband too...and another couple all seated on the same row. The guys were talking about airlines and the Mile High Club and everything...so I shared my ideas with them...and they seemed to like them a lot. Here are some other ideas that were thrown around...

Tom: "Serious, I think only dwarves can get into the Mile High Club anymore."

$teve: "I have to lean my head against the ceiling to take a leak. I couldn't imagine trying to fit somebody else in there with me...well, I could imagine it..."

Tom: "No kidding? Rick & I were just talking about the idea that it should still count...even if you have to go in separately."

Hardy laughter ensued. Those were some great cats. We talked about a bunch of other things...mostly traveling. Best part, June didn't cry until initial descent...and even then it was only for a moment...then I started with the smiling and wagging my tongue. I've found that it's hard for babies to cry when they're wagging their tongue at you. This concludes today's childrearing lesson.

Oh yeah, also on the flight were about forty Russian orphans ranging from about ages 5-12 with TWO adults watching them. Apparently, somebody with cash invited them over for a Madonna-esque lineup, then sent the rest home. The flight from JFK to Barcelona wasn't quite as entertaining...but had its moments. When the guy at the airport was announcing that they were going to load soon, it was along the lines of "Okay, we're about to load up this plane in about thirty minutes...so if you've gotta go to the baffroom or anything, do it quick and be back here...or else you ain't gettin' on this plane. We won't wait for ya."

During the flight, I sat to an angry Spanish couple, so there was no conversation going on there. There was a hippie lady (possibly going to Barcelona a.k.a. New San Francisco) talking to a guy across the aisle from me. I wasn't necessarily eavesdropping...rather than couldn't help but hear her talking about how she backpacks all over the world and how all the different cultures are based on Love & Togetherness...but America is all about Money & Pollution. I wanted to throw in my two cents...but I decided to watch "Mr. Bean's Holiday" & "License to Wed." They're both okay. Mr. Bean is exactly what you would expect. No words really...but a lot of stupid facial expressions and situations.

The plane landed in the early morning hours...and I don't sleep on airplanes...so I really didn't like carrying my luggage and my grandma's...but I did. We checked into the Renaissance Barcelona Airport and it was a very nice hotel. It's kind of has a futuristic, artistic look about it...and the girls at the front desk are all attractive ladies with Spanish accents...and they think it's cute when you try to use Spanish. "Ola." "Ola senorita, como es sta?" "Muoy bien. (Spanish I don't know)" "Ah, excellente. Ugh dos...ugh rooms...for..." She laughs at my obvious lack of knowledge of her language but a feeble attempt to show that I kind of tried. "Is okay. What is your last name sir?" "Culo, $teve Culo." Okay, I didn't really say that...but I felt like it.

We had to wait a few hours for our rooms (being early morning) but we used that time to get maps and tips from the concierge about what to see and how to get around the city. He was very helpful and explained everything so that even I could understand. The hotel had a shuttle that takes guests into Placa Espanaya ("Spanish Plaza") which is a good central location and you the Metro and bus lines all go there too. First things first though, I had been up for a long, long time and needed some rest...so when we got our rooms, I took what I consider to be the Greatest Nap EVER!!! Though it was only about two hours, it hit the spot. Oh yeah, I just wanted to show you this picture of the bathroom for two reasons: 1) It's a pretty cool, petite bathroom; and 2) THIS was my first picture in Europe...and it's of a bathroom.

When I awoke, we went to a Flamenco Dancing Show & Dinner in the city center. I'm not going to lie. This was one of my favorite stops on the trip. I have some video of this (before I was informed that it wasn't allowed)...but it doesn't do it justice (as this picture obviously doesn't either) but the music & dancing was passionate, beautiful, and intense. I was really swept up into it. I'd be happy to demonstrate it for you...but again, no justice. It was hot, sweaty, sexy, rhythmic, and...ugh, sorry, I blacked out for a second. Was I talking about the Flamenco Show again? Yeah, it was good. The dinner was okay. We had paella, a little steak, and tiramisu. Nothing spectacular...except for the dancing. Again, beautiful Spanish women (and a dude) who obviously loved what they do, dancing, girating, sweat pouring out of their bodies, clapping & stomping & spinning to the intense flamenco beat played by a live band behind them, singing in Spanish (you don't have to know what they're saying, just that you can tell, they mean it), I recommend it to anybody if you get the chance. Worth every penny. It's just hard for me to type it out...but hopefully I did an okay job.

The cab ride back...started as all of them did. We get in the cab. "Renaissance aeropuerto, por favor." "Que?" "Renaissance." "Regadulo?" "Que? No, Renaissance...aeropuerto." "Aeropuerto?" "Ren-a-sonse hotel...by aeropuerto." "Que?" Pull out the card to the room with the logo. "Oh, Ren-a-SONSE. Si, Renaissance Aeropuerto." I hold back from saying, "What the f**k did you think I said? Renaissance." It wouldn't be so irritating if it at least sounded different than what I was saying...but it was exactly the same...even with the accent. That...and it happened every time...so by the end of the trip, I just flashed the room card. Anyway, slept like a babe that night...and for nine hours or so.

Day 3 - Barcelona

The next morning, we woke up and met with Trevor, our tour guide for the day in the lobby. Trevor was an okay guy. He was born & raised in San Diego and moved out to Barcelona about three years ago because he couldn't stand living in America any more because "Freedom over there isn't real Freedom. It's just a word. Here, you can be free...like the America that our parents and grandparents talked about when they were kids." Oh yeah, he had a ponytail and works as a bartender too...but I really didn't need to tell you that, did I? Admit it. Anyway, great guy...and today, he was giving us a half-day tour of Barcelona...but we hit the major spots and were filled in with history along the way.

Long historical story slightly shorter - Barcelona is the capital of Catalonia, which used to be a separate country from Spain, but they just kind of absorbed it back in the day (too lazy to look up the year). The culture there is still pretty distinctively different from, say, Madrid Spain...and the language is even slightly different. The best example I could think of...is it's similar to the way Scotland is with the United Kingdom. Distinctively different...but still shares an Olympic team. During the first half of the 20th century, Spain was ruled by an evil socialist dictator named Franco (who like most evil dictators helped their capital cities to have a great infrastructure but a lot of people were killed along the way) and eventually he died and shortly after the people revolted and established a democracy...but they were a good fifty years behind everybody else at best. However, they won the bid for the 1992 Summer Olympics (Remember the 1st Dream Team and Greg Louganis hitting his head on the diving board?) and that basically was their opportunity to establish themselves as a major European capital...and they did splendidly. The city pulled together...and I can honestly say that it's one of the most incredible areas that I've ever visited...but you'll see over the next few posts. Anyway, that's a quick rundown of recent history as I recall it being explained to me. Click here if you'd like to know more details.

Montjuic - Montjuic ("Jewish Mountain") is so named because it's where the Jews were buried outside of the city walls...again, back in the day (probably Middle Ages). Now, the side that faces the sea is the location of many cozy apartments with fairly affordable rent. How good you ask? People are literally dying to get into them. Okay, it's still a cemetary...but you can't really ask for a better view when you die. Here are some pictures. First of the view, then of the cemetary.

Castell de Montjuic - This is a fortified fortress built atop Montjuic in 1640 that has never been conquered...but is no longer in use, except as a great place to get a panoramic view of the city of Barcelona and Mediterranean Sea and a Military Museum. Here are some pictures.

1992 Olympic Venues - Also on Montjuic is some of the venues like the coliseum for the track & field events, the swimming pool (yes, where Louganis bopped his noggin), and the Olympic Needle among others. More pictures...

After that, Trevor drove us into the city and to see some of the architecture of the city, primarily down the street Passeig de Gracia, which is where a lot of the really, really rich folk lived during the early 20th century and made their homes, many with the help of the legendary artist and architect Antoni Gaudi. He'll be mentioned a lot when talking about beautiful things in Barcelona. You can see some more of his architectural works at this link and here's pictures of Casa Mila and other houses along the way.

This sign made me think of one

of my lovely blog fans.

Parc Guell - This park was designed by Antoni Gaudi from 1900-1914 and was his last completed project. It's kind of hard to describe in words...so here are yet more pictures and the link will answer most of your questions if you have any.

Here's a picture of Pat and my Grandma.

Here's an example of the mosaics that cover this place.

La Sagrada Familia - "Holy Family" - Gaudi designed this cathedral and started in 1884, worked on it until his death in 1926, and it's still being constructed to this day...and probably will be for another century or so. It's an incredibly intriquite piece of architecture and incredibly original. The most inspiring thing about this building, to me, is that it's a vision that the man worked on for thirty years...and is his testament to the world...but he only saw it when it was little more than a foundation. Four or more generations have passed since then...and it's still being built and is still considered one of the great artistic visions of all time. Many of us think "It's too hard. It'll take too long to do. It could never happen." but with the right amount of vision, belief, and passion, you can achieve anything...even if it's not in your lifetime. Greatness knows no time. Here's to having a dream...and more pictures.

Here's a picture of my Grandma & her two meter walking stick.

Here's a spiral staircase.

Hopefully a handrail is in the final plans.

Gaudi - "I told you. It must be built

on the backs of sea turtles!!!"

After Sagrada Familia, Trevor dropped us off in Placa Catalunya ("Catalonian Square") because it was the top of Las Ramblas, a pedestrian shopping area (and the only place that I could think of when he asked where we wanted to be dropped off at). However, there was a commotion. Apparently, in Europe, they LOVE football. Not the incredible sport that Brett Favre plays...but some silly version where they kick a round ball around and score...usually about twice over the course of three hours. Well, there was a pretty big football game between FC Barcelona and the Glasgow Rangers this day...and about 40,000 crazy ass Scots came to support their Rangers...and get piss drunk on Las Ramblas and take over Placa Catalunya to sing their team's praises. It was an incredible sight to behold (video). Walking down Las Ramblas was quite an adventure with drunken Scots singing out proud and everyone within earshot joining in. Say what you will about soccer being a silly sport (and I will) but those fans are passionate...and Scottish people are just fun, fun, fun to be around...unless they're an angry drunk. Anyway, FC Barcelona won 2-0 that night...but luckily, we were back at the hotel before nightfall.

Before we left though, we did a little shopping and found Museo de Cera Wax Museum. It was quite different from Madame Tussaud's. Here are pictures...with captions.

Here's a wax figure of Antoni Gaudi in his later years.

Some have their Hall of Presidents.

Spain is a socialist state.

See how many you can name...

The sign said Steven Spielberg.

Honestly, it could be the Unibomber or

anybody with a beard & sunglasses.

Here's one of Richard Gere, Charlie Chaplin,

and a nose wearing a wig and hooker attire.

I was just confused at this Star Wars part.

Chewie looked like Dr. Zaius from Planet of the Apes.

Luke really looked like Dorothy Hamill.

We also took a Carriage Ride back up Las Ramblas watching the Scots along the way (with one jumping in the carriage with us asking, "How goes it? GO RANGERS!!!" and we cheered with him as the driver shooed him off and he started singing something. By the time we got back up to Placa Catalunya, it was apparent that the Scots were in control. The square was full of chanting football fans and police officers at post, ready for any tomfoolery.

We made it home safely (after trying to get a taxi for over an hour), had some food at the hotel and a glass of Sangria...and how did I relax for bed? Let me ask you something. What's sexier than watching the Discovery Channel's show "What's Sexy?" How about watching it...with a Spanish female narrator? I don't know exactly what she was saying...but it was muoy caliente.

Anyway, that's enough for this entry. Sorry if it was long...but it was a lot for just a few days. At this rate, there'll be 4-5 more just like it. Hope you enjoyed it. See ya on Part 2, probably tomorrow while I work on Turkey Day / Thanksgiving. Adios Amigos!!!

Back in Black...and Orange

Buenos Dias Damas y Cabelleros,

As you can tell by my more than likely grammatically fubar'd Spanish greeting, I am back from my Rational Baboon's European Vacation. As for the blog title, it's like the AC/DC song...but I'm also wearing my Utah Blaze T-shirt...hence the orange. Boy, do I have a lot of stuff to tell you about. Over the past two weeks plus, I've seen ancient wonders of the world, medieval villages, funny lookin' money (worth much more than a dollar nowadays), people with a wide variety of accents, hotties of all shapes and sizes, people who can smoke without getting heckled at, witches, warlocks, and goblins, the wide open sea, crazy ass dreams (that I'll share when timely, you aren't gonna want to miss these), people react to some of my personal views about airlines, polygamy, polygyny, childrearing, dating, Love, and many more incredible sights along the way.

On top of that, I kept two old ladies from being lost forever because they have no sense of direction between them, translated broken English for their fading ears, read signs and menus for them, helped them negotiate stairs, carried their luggage, translated thousands of years of history that they didn't understand into "It just is", and showed them some of the better times of their lives. Who can't be happy about that? Oh yeah, I also spent a scatload of money and was completely cut off from my friends and family for two weeks...but they're glad to have me back...and I'm glad to have them back. Because I still have a lot of unpacking, cleaning up, catching up at work, downloading pictures, getting presents ready, and many errands to run this morning, I just wanted to take a moment to let you all know that I made it back...and I'll share my pictures and stories with you further tonight. This could take all week...and I've missed a lot of news...but I'll be caught up in a few weeks to keep you all informed so you don't have to watch your local news or read a newspaper or talk with your family...you can just read my blog and know the important stuff.

RIP Donda West - As I'm sure you've all heard, Kanye West's mother died almost two weeks ago (I found out yesterday at the airport. Apparently, the BBC couldn't give two rat turds about hip-hop) and it's a sad day. On Kanye's 2nd album, there's a track on there called "Hey Mama" that I used for a little montage of pictures for my mom at a family reunion...and it's always a tragedy when your mother passes away. I don't know about the whole suing the doctor bit because I don't know any of the details yet...but regardless, my condolences to 'Ye and his family.

On a lighter note, I'm back!!! Yay!!! I really did miss all of you...and a big thanks to Bubbles for stopping by last night and hanging out with me despite my "28 hours in an airport atmosphere" kind of man funk. I did change my shirt...but it's a good thing that I'm funny and charming, otherwise, I'd probably never have people stop by. Have a good day...and I'll check in with you all later. Peace.